Soul, Heart, Mind & Body..

(: here's to growing together :)

2011-09-30T01:00:00.000+02:00

Remember when you saw this piece,
And said it’s written for us,
“It’s pointing at our little present,
That’s made just for us”..
Today as we grow together,
And you turn to this number you fear,
And tell me you’ve done nothing,
And refuse from me to hear..
Well here I am going to say,
The things you won’t approve of today,
So please try to believe me,
And not just read in dismay..
Knighty, oh my knightiest knight,
This day I say what’s right,
You’re The One whom have lightened my life,
And filled it with love, grace and lovely things in sight,
You were the one they all turned to,
After being the one with the very tightened shoe,
You were always chasing peace,
And tried all roads to say the least,
You’re life is like the spaghetti you love,
Quick, slippery, & saucy full of stuff,
Tangled, knotted, twisted & limitless,
Packed in a suitcase and shown in your fists,
Your presence is light just like your soul,
And adds comfort with one sentence roll,
You worry and care and try to always be fair,
And what you got you always share,
Trust me I’m not here to complement,
Or make you happy with words, its feelings that are meant,
To let you know that you’ve done much,
To my world, and others that are a bunch,
God only Knows the warmth you bring along,
And how much of His few good men you dream to become,
Today you’re a day older, with others who carry your name,
Others who always want to with you play this life game,
And be your comfort, your home, your delight, and honor for you,
Be your joy, this little something special, made just for you..

"On The Run"

2011-09-29T21:30:00.004+02:00

(picture's source)

Hello bloggy, hello world,

~
Our worlds seem to be very similar, they’re always On The Run.. We’re always out of time, always planning to put things first and postpone others.. I just wanted to take a stop and ponder upon the fact that being on the run is never an excuse to postpone things that matter first..
~

We just lost a young life recently and none of us seemed to be ready to face such a thing.. It’s hard to see death so close and not freak out.. Don’t know why, but my fear of losing my loved ones grows every day of my life and beats all of my other fears.. Death is so close, but we tend to not want to see it coming our direction.. We subconsciencly push our fears away and are never ready to face ‘em..

~
I ask God to grant me and my loved ones and all of humanity compassion and strength to face what we don’t want to face.. There’s a very lovely prayer dear Mama asks for every now and then:
“Allahuma ij’alna ‘abeed ihsan, wala taj’alna ‘abeed ibtelaa’..”
“Oh God let us be slaves of your bliss, and not slaves who udergo your tests..”
AMEN!

~
May God rest A.M.’s soul in peace, and grant his family the patience until they meet with him in a far better place and us all, amen..

~
P.S. “On The Run” is the name of all the mini cafes that you’d find at most of the gas stations here in Egypt (how I miss my Oasis, sighs..)..

"Una palabra no dice nada....

2011-03-21T23:41:00.005+02:00

(picture's source: Man on Fire)

.... y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo"

~ M O M ~

2011-03-21T01:00:00.007+02:00

MOM, happy Mother's Day.. Happy Mother's Day everyday.. May your warmth keep on flowing filling our lives with this inner sakeena that we all carry 'cuz of you.. You're our pillar Mommy, you're our main course & our dessert.. Thank you for giving life to me, giving me your life, making me your life and growing my life bigger and making it fuller by handing me the best gift of life, by giving me the warmest mom in the universe :') Thank you for protecting me from me, thank you for making me the big girl that I am today, flying me over to the knightiest knight by giving me wings, while putting your hand on your heart praying for a happy new me.. I look up to you while doing it all.. You taught me love, without teaching it.. You're the best teacher mama.. You're the only teacher with no chalk no board no date, no homework, no assignments & no margin, you're the only one who teaches with that unbeatable big beating heart.. Your class is the best: lovely smell, most comfortable chairs, best colors that are found nowehere else, strongest brushes that never die, kids that turn to lovely big birds & walls filled with the biggest wings I've ever seen.. I try copying you mom, but it never works, I try to bring any similarity between my hands & yours, but to no avail.. Mama, will I be a mama like you? Or at least close? That's my biggest wish now mom.. Can't you train us? Show us how to practise your holy "unconditional love"? Can't you fly over to every home and grant them a touch of love that would make this world a more warmth-filled one? Wish I was in your arms now, and again not to give you anything, 'cuz I got nothin, but to take some from your rich river of goodness.. Happy day everyday mama, I LOVE YOU :')

"Spinning, laughing, dancing to
her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone

Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along

Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound

Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone"

~ Norah Jones ~

T o G e t H e r

2011-03-19T10:36:00.004+02:00

E G Y P T = C H A N G E ........ That's where I'm at now, land of my ancestors & my offspring it seems! I guess you all know of the spin we're in down here, & the burst that's been going on around everywhere else.. Everyone's popping like popcorn and stretching with a hope for a better tomorrow.. I have nothing more to say about it here than what Nina had to say, she got it all right, you could watch her here ;)

Wish our world today wasn't this sad.. Wish things weren't this hard.. Wish everyone was happy and on their own they could stand.. But no.. This ain't the truth.. People aren't comfortable in their own shoes anymore.. They all want new ones all the time, ones with weird colors/shapes & non existing features.. Can't we just take them off for a day, walk barefoot and feel the ground, feel our weight and get lighter, get in touch with our Earth's spirit and run as far as our feet could carry us! Touch the sky maybe.. Grab a star.. Have a cloudy cotton candy and then nap over the moon........ Can't we! Or we could ask Flint Lockwood to make each one of us a lifelong fitting pair with our favorite color ;)

This picture on top is a thank you postcard sent to the man of my dreams, who watches out for me all the time.. Who carries me around striving to always share with me any found beauty.. Knighty, don't tire yourself, teslamly; simply 'cuz beauty & grace are within your very being, they only lie in you habeeby :) Thank you for your tenderness, thank you for being you, may you always shine through.. Bless your soul, heart, mind & body........ I...... I... I love YOU :)

I know I've posted this Jack Johnson song before, but I truly believe it's what we need:

"There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing, but I can try because this is your heart
Our dreams and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's so much better when we're together

Mmm, so much better when we're together
Yeh, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well it's so much better when we're together
Yeh, it's so much better when we're together

All of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
They'll be gone too, to many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression, I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be, we'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeh, so much better when we're together
Mmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's so much better when we're together
Yeh, so much better when we're together"

Sama :)

2010-11-26T18:58:00.004+02:00

When did you last let your heart decide? I feel older today! And no, it ain’t my birthday or even close to that.. Maybe ‘cuz it’s been quite some time since I last sang with sis using our hairbrushes as our microphones, maybe? Maybe that’s why! Or maybe ‘cuz it’s been a while since I last drove so fast & raced.. Or since I crazily read a book, or pigged out, like really pigged out.. Been a while.. You see, a lot of the choices I make in my life are fully heartedly-based.. Rarely do I go logically.. I know that it doesn’t really make sense, but guess what, it works for me! Just like magic! Everyone walks their own path and only theirs.. No one walks anyone’s path.. So I can’t ever say how did I get here or what am I doing or what am I good for, ‘cuz no one can answer that except my very own self.. But what if I don’t know? Who’s this sad girl? Empty? What am I good for? I truly don’t know! Missing a lotta pieces of me.. Feel chattered as if I got shredded and spread all over the continents.. There’s this lump I feel in my throat suffocating me nowadays, is it just a feeling, don’t really know..

Miss my school kids & my lovely cousins so much & can’t believe I missed the delivery of their newest freshly heaven-made: SAMA :D Welcome to earth sweetie :) Kids here are so un-kidish, if I may say.. Unfortunately lost their innocence with their birth.. How’s my kiddo gonna be like, look like, act like, walk like, breathe like, sing like, cry like, talk like, smell like, dance like, sleep like, eat like, laugh like? Is it a he or a she? Am I gonna be a good mommy? “Is this real life?”.. Sama is a beautiful girl’s name right? It means sky in Arabic.. Any suggestions for special girls/boys names? Goodness Gracious!
…………….
Where would you wanna be right now? With who? Doing what? I think that it’d be a huge blessing if you can make it come true.. I can’t for now.. And for a while.. Is it okay if I breathe heavily for a long while, or will it make me sick?

By the way, I MADE IT! Before marriage, I had this wish.. It’s to make sure that whenever I do the laundry, I’d manage to miraculously bring together each pair of socks safely back to the drawer & to never split them apart & lose any, AND IT WORKED MY DEAR SISTAS :D I was close to losing one of a pair, but thankfully found it :D Don’t laugh at me, that’s hard work, ain’t it? ;) I love my washing machine, thanks for it knighty :D

Still know nothing about cooking, & secretly fear the trial.. Dunno why.. Maybe my fear of a disappointment beats the will to risk, dunno.. Thankfully still have my charm with dips ;) Any advice would be more than welcomed :)

What is it that people love about Egypt so much, I’d really like to know, it might make my life more peaceful.. The thing that is uniquely amazing here is how late the world goes around.. You can almost find all places open really late (late for me) & everyone up working their hearts out.. The bad part about that though is that it encourages staying up late instead of finishing up early and enjoying being home at night.. Over here, you can’t enjoy almost any outing during the day..

I miss mom’s hands so much, what do I do about that? I stare at my hands a lot to see if they’ll look someday any mommyish, but I see nothing of that! There’s this thing about mama’s hands that’s so mommy like, Gosh how I love ‘em.. Bless your hands & all of you mommy, I love you & pray to God I’d someday be close to how amazing you are, I LOVE YOU!

How can a city not have a video/DVD store? Huh? No place here to rent movies from! How fun! People here dunno the joy of that! Egyptians: You’re missing a lot!

I love December! It’s never dark where I come from; as it always begins with our national day, U.A.E.. Lights & fireworks everywhere aaaaaaaaall the way until new years.. Happy national day U.A.E.ians :D

Do you know that the Nile River is one of paradise’s rivers? How come! I wonder..

More info on Egyptians, do you know that they give newlyweds money? Does this go on in other countries as well? Dunno why it feels weird, despite the fact that logically it’s supposed to be helpful .. Dunno!

Imagine all the phones of the world die out today, can you continue living?

Enough talking :$
Peace out :)

LYKYS

2010-11-25T04:29:00.005+02:00

" I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart).. I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling).. I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet).. I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true).. And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.. Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart......

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart) "
~
~ By E. E. Cummings ~

My Sunlight :)

2010-10-11T00:02:00.000+02:00

(picture's source)

You Are My Sunlight :)

My fears you always fight..

May you live longer & longer in bliss,

& I'd get to your forehead & hands to kiss..

Miss your smell, your face, your hands, your clothes,

And everything you touch & that your hand folds..

Bless you Mommy today & everyday,

& wish I was there to wish you in person today :')

* y o u r s *

2010-10-01T14:14:00.007+02:00

(picture's source)

Giving one's self wouldn't be,

anything but being free :)

With your deep black eyes I see,

& into your soul I flee :)

In my heart, I'd carry you,

& most lovingly, would give you me :)

~ By MISS sara on the 17th of August, 2009 at 6:14 PM ~

That was Miss Sara Hamdy’s written words that came from a dream.. It was a dream that she’s painted over a year ago after meeting her dashing prince under the beautiful skies along with her lovely parents’ prayers & hopes of a lovely new life for her.. She met him & started dreaming.. Dreaming of a new her that existed with him, and only him.. The man of her dreams.. Her knightiest knight.. Prince charming.. The first & last man who’s given her butterflies in her tummy.. The one & only who’s light shone so bright for her to see & feel.. So she dreamt.. And wrote a few words, along with a picture that spoke a thousand dreams.. A thousand wishes.. And they were saved.. In the drafts of her very inner self.. And after a few days, weeks, months & a long year that seemed like years, she met him again.. And this time for the eternal bond.. For the Holy unity Of souls, hearts, minds & bodies..

Dear Sisters & brothers,
Y-E-S—I—A-M—M-A-R-R-I-E-D, TO KNIGHTY, WHO TOOK HEARTY, AND WILL FOREVER BE LIGHTY :)
I’m in a different continent now, in a different country, a different city, where people speak a different language, and look different.. I’d like to take a moment and thank and show deeply sincere gratitude to tens and tens of people.. Thanking God is thanking them.. ALHAMDULILLAH :) I’ll go from the oldest to the youngest..

I’d like to start with Diggo though, my dearest grandpa.. Who has passed ON and is no longer physically between us, but he’s always here, with his words, actions, love & very deep warm heart.. Thank you Diggo for showing me what love can do.. I’m married now & truly wish you would have met him, you’d surely love him.. He reminds me of you Diggo.. Thank you Diggo.. For wanting to see me in that white dress.. I wore it.. And remembered you.. And hoped you’d be proud of me, are you? Love you so much :)

My Tetas, my lovely grandmothers.. Thanks for sticking with me & working so hard in your uniquely old smart ways in working things out whenever they got stuck ;) It worked my dear Grannies, IT DID :D Thank you very much :) :)

Uncle S. :) Thank you for praying for me all through it & always willing to help.. Taunt M. thanks for all the advice.. Love you :)

Daddy, Baba, Sahby, Mohammed Hamdy Ya Obaha, my teacher, my friend, the One who’s always got our backs, the princesses maker, the sweetest man & my forever strongest hero.. Baba.. Dad.. Dahry.. Baba, remember.. Remember.. Remember all your favors.. Remember all you’ve done for me? Of course you won’t remember, ‘cuz they’re way too much to count.. I can’t either, ‘cuz they started before my birth.. Baba, oh Baba.. The way you watch after my every step.. The way you run for me.. The way you carry me, with all my faults & flaws.. The way you forgive me.. The way you love me.. The way you grant me security.. The way you protect me.. The way you hunt my fears down.. The way you fight for me.. The way you struggle for me.. All your sleepless nights.. All your worry.. All your hard work.. All your plans.. All your dreams.. All your risks.. All your care.. Care for the tiny things before the big ones.. Baba, you’re the best dad ever.. My friends have always envied me for you, did I tell you that? They always wished their dads were like you.. Daddy, remember when you used to help me with my studies, I used to stare at your face a lot and not hear you out :$ As small as your eyes are, as self-explanatory and sharp.. Did I tell you how much I love your handwriting? In both Arabic & English! You’re so accurate and precise in everything you do, I truly wish when we have a kid, they’d be like you! Love your taps on my shoulder & my back.. Love your voice reciting Qur’an trying always to perfect the words & the sounds.. Thank you for trying so hard to grant me a peaceful life & protecting me from everything, including my crazy-very-self! Thank you dad for being my baba, and I’m always glad to be sarooret baba.. Baba, love you more than you know.. Thank you for holding my hand so tight & taking me to the other side.. Be well dad, & may you always stay strong as you always are, amen..
Baba habeeby Allah yekhaleeh,
Kattar riz’o wy yenageeh,
Gably aroosa wy akhoya hosan,
Shee ya hosan,
Orosy ya aroosa,
Orosy ya aroosa :’)

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ottet Elmeatateen Kullohom, My very inner sara, my mirror, my monitor, blood of my blood, self of myself, my bestest friend, my cushion, my coziest corner, my pencil, my words, my eyes, the collector of my dreams, the most beautiful voice, the softest heart, the deepest eyes, the smartest woman, the quickest rescuer, the safest guide, the brightest star, the funniest girl, the truest faith, TRUE EMAN, the most truthful tongue, the sincerest sister, the best daughter, the cutest wife, the best mom, the trust worthiest friend, the honorable Muslim woman, MOM! Mama, I don’t know how to thank you! After getting married mom, I started seeing more.. Seeing how great you are.. How do you do this? How do you do it all perfectly good like that! You are a PEACE of heaven mama.. You’re the warmest softest woman & the strongest ever! Your hands are magic & your eyes are an epic! Mom, I wish I can be you, but that’s impossible! How will I be a million things all at once like you, I can hardly find me! Know what Mom, living in the place you came from tells me a lot about you.. It’s pretty amazing how you flew all across the world & still belong here.. You’re so loyal mommy! Mom, I’m so proud of you, your journey & your achievements.. Wish you’re proud of me too.. Wish I’m close to what you wished for me to be.. To you I dedicate my whole life mama.. I’m all yours habebty.. All yours.. Wish I can carry you forever & wipe away all of your tears, fears & hard work of them long years.. Bless your transparent soul, pure heart, always giving mind, & chaste body.. Thank you for carrying me all through them years.. Thank you for giving me all the time.. I love, love, love you mama :)
Soosa soosa soosa,
Soosa kaf aroosa,
Soosa welly yesa’af,
Yestahil minnik boosa :’)

Kabooka, A. & Janjoony……… Thank you so much for all the love & support.. Thank you for the prayers & care.. Thank you for always being there, by actions, words & thoughts.. You define “henneya”, warmth & unconditional love.. Thank you for everything.. I love you three so much, & pray your fourth member would arrive very soon, safe & sound, amen :)

Khalo A., P., Amoona & Noony :) :) :) :) Just saying your names, a smile is drawn right away :D You four are the joy of this big family.. You are a great example of ease & simplicity.. I truly wish our new home would carry those meanings that you’ve proved to the world, are the secret of joy! Thank you for sticking with me through it all.. Thank you for being so close through the hardest times, especially with Mom.. Do you know that she used to truly smile whenever you guys were there? May you always shine with your happiness & smile in bliss all through the years, amen :)

Adwarica :’) Bro, I miss you! I can’t believe I made it when you weren’t there! I told everyone NO WAY without bro.. He has to stand there & hold my hand.. I should never say never bro.. I learnt it the hard way! Thank you for being “honestly” supportive through it ;) You were with me, deep in my heart, through every second.. Can you believe all this happened! Can you believe your sasa is married! Thanks for all the white dress hunts :) remember? Thanks for giving me the best times this winter.. Finally we ice-skated under the dark blue sky! Love it with you bro, like we always have! Sorry for cutting your finger earlier, you know I love you :$ Bro, THANK YOU for taking care of me, & my weak heart through it, love you Adwarica :)

Sis, Luly, Dolly, Lo’lo’atilkhaleeeeeeeeej :’) I miss you sweety.. I miss you Ukhty! Where do I begin Lulullll? Where? You took all my blues! You heard me through it all.. Through all the KHORROR ;) My cries, my laughs, my anger, my downfalls, my aaaaaall! Whether it’s early morning when you hated to talk, hear, or anything, or late night when you were so dead! You shared it all, from scratch all the way to the graduation day.. Dehket…. Hmmm… Dehket alby ;P Thank you for being (& giving me) the best pillow ever! Thank you for telling me I looked nice when I was a ghost! Thank you for the “heart of the ocean” Love you sis.. You’re like my arm, or an eye of both eyes (not both ;)).. Yo yo yo, no tears, yeah? I LOVE YOU & I’ll see you sooner than we both know, God be willing.. Until then, know that you are the best baby sis in the whole wide world :) LYKYS :D :D

Puddingyyyyyyyyyyyy, my li’l maaaaaaaaaaan, the most handsom guy in the crowds, AND YOU KNOW IT ;) Abeteeta, your face is the best to look at! I swear it pudding, your words are always wise and always make sense.. Can you believe that you actually took care of me with your short very sweet words! Whoever is gonna be your wife is one lucky woman ;) Sorry for not being the best sis all the time.. I love you so much, you’re my bro, my son, & my best li’l guy ever :D Can’t wait for you to take me and cruise around so fast, faster than fast & furious.. Our superman :D You’re the best! I LOVE YOU HANDSOM ;) *abigkissnomatterhowmuchyouhateit:P*

School, kids, my sweet H. sister! I gave you guys some hard time, eh? I pray for a quick ring flying to your finger dear H. & before you know it, a baby that’s as cute as you are, amen :) And all the single girls out there.. Thank you for being there my friend.. You’re the sweetest :) Ghubzy, the woman with the green peas, Hudees, Dearest Ara, F.Z., S.S., H.Umm elbanat, L.M.S., N.D., & aaaaaaaaall my ladies out there, THANKS A MILLION! Love y’all :D

And Hubby oh Hubby……. Thank you for being you, for finding me, for loving me, for taking me as I am & working so hard to bring US to life & keep US safe.. Thank you for fighting against all the odds.. For climbing all the mountains.. For winning over the storms.. For never giving up on US.. You’re the best pilot ever.. Thanks for loving all my people & making us all grow and adding to our family a new family.. Thanks for taking care of me more than I am.. You are the best gift ever.. The best of my present, my past & my future.. May God bless you always & keep you safe from all harm, amen.. May I be to you as you want me to.. May our life together add to this world a new meaning.. May love be our only guide & peace be what we’re all about.. Thank you for everything knighty :’)

I LOVE YOU :) *THF*

And hey, BUT ONE SPEAK ;)

With all my love,

Mrs. Sara Hamdy

P.S. Dad, Mom & Khalo Khalo Khalo thank you.. For everything you’ve done for us all, for me, and especially for this past year.. I’m forever grateful.. Thank you for appreciating my words, & bringing this blog to life.. I love you :’)

w o r d s l i k e s w o r d s

2010-06-20T23:04:00.003+03:00

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A broken promise.. A broken promise broke me to pieces.. A broken promise.. A broken word.. A word that only consisted of letters.. Letters that weigh absolutely nothing.. And to me they were everything.. I was clinging to words, can you believe that? Clinging to words that took me higher and then other words came and smashed me into the lowest rock.. I was clinging to words! Blindly trusting.. Blindly believing.. Blindly seeing the rainbows and the flowing river of purity.. Purity of heart and mind.. Purity of soul and body.. I was flying over on a cloud passing all of them ugly scenes.. Blocking my ears when it came to angry noises.. Blocking my eyes when it came to scary darkness.. Maybe it’s me.. Maybe I was selfish.. Maybe I painted picture perfect when there were no colors.. How can you paint with no colors! What am I but a dot in this world.. A dot that thought of changing the world.. Of growing some seeds.. Of drawing some smiles.. All I did was the opposite.. Never finished anything.. Never gave all I had.. Never made any difference.. I only smelled the flowers and never took care of any.. I only took.. I.. I.. I.. I am nothing and did nothing and God told me that I’m here to fix, and all I do is ruin.. I ruined me.. The me that God’s given me! Can’t even know me anymore.. I lost me and lost my sight.. It’s pitch black now.. I’m sorry God.. I’m sorry my dear lovely people.. Sorry for all of this.. Sorry for everything.. I love you all and I’m so deeply sorry.. I know sorry is a five lettered word, but words are all I got, and if the whole wide world gives up on words, I won’t! A word is always a word, even if it weighs nothing.. Let’s live on God’s Promise, and pray we deserve it, amen!

p r e t e n d ?

2010-06-01T22:44:00.002+03:00

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~ s a f e t y ~

2010-06-01T07:25:00.006+03:00

(Illustration's source)

Dreams, prayers, hopes, plans, pleads, wishes, fears, tears, cries, screams..... I'm down on my knees, asking You to please, please, please, guide me.. Teach me.. Help me.. Keep us safe.. Fill our selves with beauty.. Our hearts with love.. Our minds with peace.. Fill our roads with tranquility & our strings with hope.. Strengthen our walls & soften our walks.. Keep us safe.. Safe.. Please keep us safe......

~ a m a n a h ~

2010-05-04T15:53:00.011+03:00

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Dad:
"Take care of her.."
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Cousin:
"She's amanah uncle.."
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(picture's source)

The Cold Shoulder :(

2010-04-30T09:19:00.004+03:00

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“I don’t want to hurt your feelings miss, but I love you less today..” F. said..

OUCH! That hurts! But before anything, it has to be me, right? It can’t be out of the blues.. Maybe I was too harsh, or or or.. It can’t just happen like that..

At a lotta times, we see people giving us their cold shoulder for a reason or another, and it does hurt a little and sometimes much.. But right there and then, we need to think of what WE did, ‘cuz I’m sure we play a big part of that.. So I hope I can make it up to F. and make him love me at least as he used to, will I? Don't want to sing "don't love you know more" now :(

Earlier this week, I asked them to write letters to their moms thanking them for a special thing that they’ve done for them.. And here’s what F. asked me: “Miss, when your mom puts you in her stomach, she carries you for nine months or nine weeks?” :D How do they perceive time! And N. said: "This is hard, everything mom does is very very special..".. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!

And oh oh, I can’t go without this one, R., cute li’l miss R :D We played the scattered words game, and I asked each one to write their favorite English word down and color it.. I got a lotta “love”, “kindness”, "sport" “mom”, but R. aaaaaaaahhh, she wrote “bean”! haha! Why would a tiny bean make one’s favorite word!

Kids <3

Seek The Everlasting Mercy :)

2010-04-27T16:03:00.004+02:00

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"And I don’t want the world to see me,
‘Cuz I don’t think that they’d understand..
When everything is made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.."

~ Iris ~

Belonging to God means a lot to me.. Knowing that from Him I come & to Him is my return makes me feel calm at the end of all of them rough days.. Knowing that He knows me well, and that I don’t have to explain me to Him, makes it much easier to carry on breathing.. At a lotta times, I see all the lights going down, and right at those very times, I try to focus and remember, that He’s the source of Light.. All light.. He’s Light.. Everlasting Light..
Ever
las
ting
!
Every day, I take new steps.. And with all the stumbles and falls, I hold on to some certainties, all my way long.. One reminds me that He’s totally Aware of it all.. Another is that His Mercy always surrounds me and is way beyond my grasp.. And those very beliefs make me see the flowers on the side of this busy road.. They make me smell the sweetness of the fresh bread before even getting to the bakery.. They make me hear the birds sing despite all of them noisy horns.. They set me free of all ties.. They’re just like a ribbon tied around my heart, keeping it from breaking.. Pulling me together in one piece.. One piece eventually.. Breathing in and out miraculously into a soul that has no place.. No color or face.. One that He only Sees and Knows, more than I myself do.. And I still wonder, is it a good piece, good enough for everything.. Good enough for walking here.. Good enough for this existence.. This crazy existence that roars and sleeps all at once.. I wonder.. You see....... Dunno.. What do you see? Do you see you? Yes you? Yourself? Do you see me? Do you see them? What do you see? I see beauty.. I do! In the midst of this smoke, I see beauty whenever I wanna see it.. Look around.. To what’s up.. Can you see that? Yes, it’s the sky.. The S K Y :) Reach out, 'cuz the world is bigger than you only if you don’t let it all in.. Take it in, inhale it, and you will become larger than life itself.. You are a living miracle.. So take your time, look and see, smell the flowers, and enjoy the life that you’ve been granted, ‘cuz you’ll live it only once :) God’s Beauty lies within our very selves, doesn’t it :)

"Choux Pastry Heart"

2010-03-04T15:10:00.005+02:00

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Wanna know why they wrap those buckets around the tree trunks or hang them from the tree branches? And who does it? Always wondered!

It's always nice to start my day with the ocean's sight.. Breathing it all in with each day's different smell.. Wondering what the day has for me in store as I sip over and over again the sweetened coffee flavor that puts me through the days.. Thinking of what has passed and yet to come, as I stand still, dreaming of uniting the best of yesterday and today in tomorrow..

With fast steps, that turn to leaps, I float over those moments that make it almost impossible to breathe.. I run back and forth thinking of how to reach that 'pausing' mode that would stop it all for a second.. Just one single moment.. And when that moment comes, I catch my breath, and continue with my walk, run, life......

It's pretty amazing how we all breathe differently.. It's all breathing I know, but differs.. Same air, yes.. But different taste for each soul to inhale.. I sometimes wonder, where exactly is my heart.. It sank so many times! If that's right, then what's that noise?! Is it my heartbeats, or just some beeps..

Goldy told me to "expect the unexpected" today, and a minute later he scared me to death with a scream from behind the door and said: "Didn't I tell you miss to expect the unexpected?" :) They always teach me those li'l ones! Treat me like a student.. It's me :$ I always sit in their seats and ask them to go "up there" and be "the teacher".. If I had a say in this, I'd say we're all teachers and learners.. We'll never get it all.. We won't.. And I truly believe that in our hunts, we need to be fairly tranquil & content, for it will help make the hunt more fun and the goals tastier :)

Peace out to all of you hunters out there, and especially my Hunt Club and Riverside folks ;)

(: Bless your hearts :)

s e r u t r a p e d

2010-02-20T11:48:00.003+02:00

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Dad's told me it's the sign to the airport,

Facing up is straight, & bending means to the right..

It's the wheels of a suitcase,

And the beats of a heart race..

Life always on the run,

Sometimes down & sometimes fun..

You can't beat the cold,

Nor keep the warmth on one fold..

But if you look deep deep down,

You'll find a cold silent home with no sound..

Always waiting for others to fill it,

And never bearing being alone in it..

With the hundreds surrounding us,

Tears still find us and throw us to a Russ..

Gosh, how I want to come home,

And never ever be alone......

R I D E A U < 3

2010-02-15T15:59:00.002+02:00

(Illustration's source)

Can't sleep! I truly know now how bad it is for those who suffer from insomnia, what a pain! Sleeping is a big blessing that we easily take for granted! Dear God!

On my way to class this morning, surrounded with all the kids waiting for me to unlock the door, we found a dead bird right in front of the classroom's door.. The kids froze there, and started thinking of what made this poor birdie die.. Was it another bird, or did it fall, break its wing and found no help...... And of the cutest was li'l Z., she said, "maybe it's just sleeping", she said it with all the hope in the world to be true.. However, it was found that it has been dead for quite some time.. As it was buried away, the kids couldn't stop thinking of its family and where they think the bird is and so forth..

It's such a great blessing for one to be surrounded by kids.. They're so unbelievably caring.. If they're comfortable in their shoes, they'd show you the world in a completely different way.. If I could, I'd absolutely choose nothing else in this world than being with them li'l angels :)

Hours after that, while taking off and starting the car to fly back home, I found a poor young girl walking back home right under the hot Abu Dhabian sun.. Just opened the window to offer her a ride, and she just jumped in! And then I asked her where her home is, she looked confused & said "Just go straight!".. Went straight ahead, and she just went blank! "Where's home hun?", she said, "It's close.. I walk home everyday with my brother and don't exactly concentrate on the way, I leave the direction for him to lead.. And today he fell sick and couldn't make it to school..".......! And then it just hit me.. "THE SAFE ZONE".. When you feel safe, you, without knowing, let your guards down.. And it's the best feeling in the world.. Feeling safe.. Knowing that you can count on another.. Knowing that everything is alright just 'cuz they're there......

And with all the time I've spent living this life, I could tell you right now that nothing beats that feeling.. Ever! But I still see some whom are lost and mixed up.. Some think it comes with more contacts on your phone.. Or with more pleasures to fulfill.. All I know for sure is that it only comes with the happiness of others! In the peaceful life that we all dream of, that supposedly starts with "Assalamu alaikum".. The global greeting of peace.. Only if we mean it every time we say it.. Only if we take the time saying it and truly praying for it.. Only if we don't mix things up.. Only if..........

Rest in peace birdie.. And rest in peace every thing under and on this Earth.. This Earth.. This Earth.. The bearer of millions of souls.. The secret that lies within.. The green & blue ball, filled with great wonders for all.. The unsolved mystery.. The witness of all that passed and yet to come.. The land that connects us all.. That we all touch together with our foreheads and sometimes walk on gently (as asked to) and sometimes not.. The patient carrier of our mess ups.. The song that we all sing everyday..

May we all rest in peace.. May we all have Z.'s cute heart & always hope for the best.. Amen :)

Deliquesce :)

2010-02-04T16:05:00.010+02:00

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It feels like a slush out here.. Too cold & crispy.. The wind blows you & the ice underneath slides you by.. Yes, you feel like a stranger, but somehow belonging.. Maybe 'cuz of the warmth of your loved ones that helps you glide through.. It's so good to be here with you brohy, I don't know from where to begin.. Crying on your shoulder.. Mourning the biggest loss of our lives.. Giggling until the night throws its veil on us.. Celebrating the new me with you.. Catching up on the past long long months.. All its grief & joy.. All its blooms & falls.. Ah, it's so good to be here with you :') I haven't loosened up in quite a while.. Haven't let go of.. of.. of everything like that.. With you it's all easier, lighter, & way way older; bringing the old me back.... Have I changed? Grown older maybe? Don't want to ask you, 'cuz I want you to see me like you always did.. I know time changes things, but it never changed us, how mighty are we! I want to always see this spark in your eyes :) Bless your heart lovey <3

Where's my mug?

2010-01-25T21:32:00.009+02:00

What's the matter with me, been so hooked on John Mayer's lyrics lately! The wordings just hit me like that! WoW!
So, a colleague of mine was telling me

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today about how bad she feels for not holding God's Book for once since the holy month of Ramadan.. She misses "God" she says, and needs someone to help her with that.. On our daily conscience and sub-conscience search of God, we seek tranquility, but sometimes, we stumble on the way.. No matter how firm we are, we do fall back every now & then.. However, we should have faith in "rolling back on".. If we cry over our fall, we'll never rise up, or so I believe.. Do we really know ourselves? I surprise myself sometimes.. Are we easily read, or special magnifiers are needed for that...... On my (exam) correction process now, I realized that I could tell who's paper it is without reading their names! So if a few scribbles tell who one is, why can't we sometimes read ourselves?

(: Peace out :)

Sprained Ankle

2010-01-22T08:16:00.006+02:00

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Piece of advice: When you sprain your ankle, please don't run! Or you'll end up weaker than you already are! Trust me we are so powerless, it's not even funny!

Two days ago, someone lost their temper so bad & flared up.. I couldn't control the situation and was very upset.. Don't you think it's unfair to "us" before others when loosing it? Why do we have to make ourselves smaller than we already are?

Hold

please

'cuz

nothing

and

repeat:

NOTHING

worth

making

fools

ourselves

for!

18 / 7

2010-01-22T07:43:00.003+02:00

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So I was thinking, I sleep around 6 hours everyday, and the rest 18 hours are NEVER enough, so why is that? Will I ever live a day without being rushed into doing every single thing? Is it me or the time? God guys, we'll be asked for each moment, are we doing good enough? Are we good enough? For life? I wonder......

(: Blessed Friday to y'all :)

"Listen"

2010-01-21T23:54:00.003+02:00

This string man's secret lies here ;)

Blessed for teaching <3

2010-01-21T23:31:00.008+02:00

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What would you do when Booboo tells you he's forgotten his school bag back at home, laughs & starts singing? What would you do when cute li'l R. writes you a "thank you for nothing" note? What would you do when Mo paints you a "sunshine"?

You should humble down & praise your Lord :D

Your student-teacher,

miss sara <3

~ possessives ~

2010-01-18T17:10:00.007+02:00

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Second year in a row teaching them how to use them possessive nouns.. And man am I lost! I get so lost in between those apostrophes and Ss; for what do we possess? Can anyone answer that? Tell me one thing that you possess?

And tell me why do I miss my kitty?

And why are roses so pretty?

Why are distances so big?

And how can one fix a broken rig?

How would I know it's okay?

And why do we have to be so far away?

Where can togetherness be found?

And when will it be peaceful with no sound?

When will Earth stop roaring?

And when will people start caring?

How will hearts come to life?

And why are we scared to fall in love?

When will we stop spinning around?

And why do we all know how to hound?

When will I meet with my true felicity?

And please answer knighty; he's asking: "what is gravity?"

S i n g i n g :

"Gravity, is working against me,

And gravity, wants to bring me down..

Oh I'll never know, what makes this man,

With all the love, that his heart can stand,

Dream of ways, to throw it all away..

Oh twice as much, ain't twice as good,

And can't sustain, like one half could,

It's wanting more, that's gonna send me to my knees..

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me,

Oh gravity, has taken better men than me,

Now how can that be?

Just keep me where the light is.."

~ John Mayer ~

:'(

2010-01-09T22:02:00.001+02:00

In the eyes of who?

2010-01-09T12:29:00.003+02:00

Remember Boby? I still have the honor of teaching him, benefiting & gaining more from him, than adding to him! Oh dear, how I love him! He is one of a kind! A truly unique creation of God!

Lately, I've been having issues to deal with & the worst thing about that is the way it affects me; I don't have the ability of pretending anything: I'm not fine, YOU SEE IT! And this is a nightmare if your job requires dealing with others; cuz it'll clearly affect the others that you deal with, whether you like it or not!

And as a teacher, my li'l angels have been noticing the change in me: "Miss, what's wrong?".. "Nothing honey, can't you see me smile :)".. "No miss, it's not coming from here *and they point to their hearts*".. Their vision is so clear, that it'd scare you! I hate myself for not being happy for them.. I just can't seem to give like I used to.. I've been on the edge & can't stand anything! And worst of all, distracted! Dunno where to go or what to want anymore! And through these hard times, I try hard to contain my sorrow & be me, but can't..

*sighs*

So, just now, I was going through a drop quiz that I gave the kids at the end of the week, & didn't have time to check it in school.. And after checking it I realised: I NEED TO STAY GROUNDED! I need to remember MY PURPOSE & stay focused.. And I only can know how to.. I still didn't figure that out yet, but Boby just said something that I HAD TO SHARE!

If you look at the attached photo of Boby's answers, you'll see a beauty of a lifetime.. As I said, I gave them a drop quiz, and wasn't feeling good in class, and they were upset because of that.. So I decided to block away all my negativity, and play with them.. Since we had taken Arab countries' flags, I told them get a piece of paper out & answer my questions (supposedly on flags, but those questions just came out like that!):

1. Who's the most person you love on Earth?

2. If you were to live on an island, what are the 3 things that you'd take with you?

3. If you can color the sky, what color would you pick?

4. Draw the flag of Jordan.

5. Pick: island / jungle!

6. What would you wear for the rest of your life?

7. If you have one hour left for the END OF TIME, what would you want to do?

8. Draw the flag of Bahrain.

And the kids had their mouths wide open all through that weird drop quiz and gave me the "look": She must have lost her mind.. As I was collecting their sheets, they were asking: "will this be marked", and I said I'll see ;)

And looking at Boby's answer for 1, I couldn't hold my tears! He loves me this much! What do I do then! Do I deserve his love! You see, Boby and I have always had this connection.. And lately, he came to school with all these bruises and didn't tell me why! He said "you won't bear knowing why!" But he told Miss H & she told me it was 'cuz of his dad.. He's beaten the hell out of him & had no mercy! And the reason was: for sucking his thumb while sleeping! *No words to put here!*

Anyways, moving on to number 7!!!!!!! Gosh! THIS KID IS SOMETHING, AIN'T HE! All the other kids said stuff like: "playing on the computer, praying, talking to the people I love......" But Boby said: "Be a good man for God!" He didn't say be a good man.. He said:

good

man

for

God

How adorable is that! For God.. Not for miss sara, not for mom, not for dad, FOR GOD! Please note that this quiz took a couple of moments! I was so quick to let their hearts out and not give them a chance to think!

I'm done!

Praise The Lord for Creating you & bringing you to my life Boby <3

"Dreams of a Journey"

2010-01-04T17:37:00.003+02:00

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Carl <3 Ellie

2010-01-01T17:43:00.000+02:00

For The Love <3

2010-01-01T17:20:00.000+02:00

G I V I N G B A C K

2010-01-01T17:12:00.001+02:00

SHE'S NOT SCARED ;)

2010-01-01T16:51:00.001+02:00

How can you say no!

2010-01-01T16:38:00.001+02:00

He only likes her when she gives him cookies :(

2010-01-01T16:32:00.001+02:00

"See you on real!!"

2010-01-01T14:31:00.006+02:00

Respected brothers & sisters,

How are you all doing? I hope everyone reading this & not reading this would be feeling good today and having all good wishes and plans for 2010 :)

I wanted to start this year with this lovely letter written by one of my kids to daddy on his return :) I just wish we can all learn from kids! They're so tender & giving to an unbelievable extent! Their joy comes always with/for others and that on its own is a solution to many serious issues present in our world today..

I learned in the past couple of months how to BE WHERE I AM! Know what that means? It means wherever you are is for sure where you should be, with all your senses.. It'll make life a lot easier.. I learned that wherever I am is a lovely place, simply 'cuz it's what I got and what's in my hands.. Over-spending time in fighting this fact, or whining over it, or denying it, or acting otherwise, WILL NOT, and I repeat: WILL NOT HELP ME! I need to LOVE where I am, LIVE it and ENJOY being there.. Now I KNOW it's hard at first, but trust me, it's worth the try :)

I was thinking last night of how people see one another, and how hard people have been on each other and how their viewing has been coming from criticism, and only from criticism.. You know how we can go around that, when there isn't even a way to the right, left, front, or back? By using our wings! I believe each and every one of us owns a pair of wings that they can use to fly up high.. To view from up above.. To open up perspectives.. To: "SEE THINGS ON REAL!!" like li'l Ahmad said.. Seeing things "on real" is a difficult theory to practice, but again, it'll make life way easier!

I wish us truth.. Truth to who we are, where we choose to go & where we wanna put end to things..

T R U T H ~~~~=~~~~ F R E E D O M

H a p p y S e e i n g : )

~~~~~T~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~T
~~~~~~~~~R~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~R
~~~~~~~~~~~~~U~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~U
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~T~~~~~~~~~~~T
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~H~~~H

Goodbye 2009!

2009-12-31T00:28:00.001+02:00

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Dear 2009,

You've showed me things I've never seen before.. You've taken loved ones & brought in loved ones.. You've showed me other faces of earthly life & brought me closer to my dream land.. You've helped me grow older and showed me a different face of mine.. You've made my heart skip beats & tears flow like all the years.. But best of all, you've granted me a dream I thought would never come true.. And since then, I've been wishing everyone else the same..

However, I won't forget the horrible torture of split that you've caused to my family, & I won't forget the pain of going through that.. All the pains and aches and long nights.. And today, it ended with the bad smell coming from our dying kettle :( Yes, our loyal white kettle decided to give up on us and end its services for this year.. It chose 2010 to be a new year for us with a new kettle.. Thanks dear kettle, you've always made our days better ones with your warm water, & you won't be forgotten :)

And at the end of this long long year, I'll leave you guys with Dave who depicts exactly how numb I feel after 2009.. Goodbye 2009 & hello 2010 :)

Abu Zikry :D

2009-12-18T11:24:00.004+02:00

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Isn't it amazing the li'l things we ALL have that lighten up our hearts! There was this project that I was so impressed with & deeply believe that it makes us truly "take the time to smell the roses".. Well, it's called "30 days of Gratitude".. Unique Muslimah made it through & brought the world a lovely project that brings in sweet thoughts of the "li'l big" things.. Here is her project :)

So today, I want to share something that I'm so grateful for:

M y L o v e l y G r a n d m o t h e r s :)

I've been blessed, since my birth, with the presence of my big family before the small one, if you know what I mean.. Sometimes, I used to sit back and think, isn't it a li'l ------- to have a lotta people watch you grow closely, and see all your failures before your successes! But you know what? Thinking that is a big mistake! Having more people, is having more pride, is having more honor, is having more knowledge, is sharing more feelings, is knowing more about "YOU" before others.. It's a plus & NEVER a minus! And especially having the elder family members living with you, I swear it's a blessing that we really need to appreciate!

Dear tetas,

I love you both so very much & I truly appreciate your presence in my life! I love it when you watch T.V. together, & run to read the paper first, and then discuss the world's growing problems & talk about the past & its charm! I love it when you watch those drama television series & not hear some words & blame age for that :D I love it when you read God's Book & wake each other up in the middle of the night for a special prayer that's heard by Him only, The Lord of the worlds.. I enjoy what you enjoy, only 'cuz you enjoy it.. AND I LOVE ABU ZIKRY & LOVE COPYING HIM TO MAKE YOU LAUGH :D I love you both so very much & thank God for your presence in my yesterday & pray for your blessed presence all through my today & my tomorrow, amen! And please forgive me if I don't show you this love, BUT I SWEAR TO YOU, I LOVE YOU <3

SPLAAAAAAAAAASH :D

2009-12-13T15:37:00.012+02:00

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3AAAAASHAAAAAAAAAW 3ASHAW :D

The rain is unbelievable!!!! THANK YOU GOD! 3ASHAW 3ASHAW, 3ASHAW WALLAH 3ASHAW, remember this old Miami song? The days here sound like this song since rain started :D

SHELOOHA SHELA WELLEILA LEILAH :D

I told the kids today in class to pray for something while it was raining and Nano screamed out "I Pray everyone in the world would be happy right now!" :) I pray for the same Nanoooooo :D

LET IT RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN :D

Una palabra..

2009-12-11T14:17:00.007+02:00

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"With empty palms people act empty,

Those who got a lot act like they don't have plenty..

So you say you getting places but you ain't moving at all,

Still some race on and some sit back and wait for His call.."

Walou ~ Outlandish

I've always loved this video clip.. "Walou" says a lot to those who want to listen..

It's a nice weather over here, extremely heart-lifting.. It rained this morning :) I wonder how it can feel "normal" for others when rain falls down! Rain for me is always a blessing! It's a miracle that truly makes our Earth a happier one.. And talking of Earth, kids in school ask me if the world will really end in 2012, FOR GOD'S SAKE FILM MAKERS, STOP THAT! Think of the li'l ones for once! God!

By the way, I realised something! The person who steals or takes something that doesn't belong to him/her, REALLY thinks that it's his/her right! This is where the problem lies, not the fact of stealing more than the fact of him/her truly believing that it's their right to grab things they need! How can you make them know, that's what you & I should be thinking about, not only stopping them by force!

Trust me guys, all things are WALOU! I wish I can explain how walou they are, but I don't know how to! I see everything as it really is.. Like money, I see it as paper, but I know that it's what people kill for.. I know it's what faith could be lost for.. But maybe I'm just an ignorant who never really knew what NEEDING it is like..

Let's open our windows & see past our walls, surely there's a lot out there that we know nothing about! But hey, watch for the wind and rain ;)

Bless!

P.S. "Walou" is a Moroccan word that means "nothing"..

P.P.S. "De la nada sale el todo, y el todo se hace nada"..

Oh Yes, YOU CAN :)

2009-12-07T20:52:00.003+02:00

(Illustration's Source)

You know what? Dream as much as you want! I'm not saying sit down or fall back, but float off, have your own wonderland! Dream on, while being in touch with reality, & you might surprise yourself! Live your life while reaching out for the furthest star, & you never know :)

Take Chances :)

2009-12-04T14:44:00.007+02:00

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So the weather has been perfect lately, and the sky started enjoying the clouds.. It's the best time of the year, where celebrations take place and people start looking for a new phase.. They make new resolutions and wish upon stars for a brighter year ahead.. Looking back then becomes vital & helps a lot with what's coming ahead.. And then moments rush through, moments of joy, regret, love & remorse.. Moments blend in & come up with this new feeling that results in a new older you.. And you try to get on with whatever it takes to fit in the image you want to be seen in eventually.. However, let me ask you something, do you really think it's important to be someone you're not enjoying being; just to fill in the blanks? Or is it better to enjoy the YOU that you are today and take chances to bring out the best of that? Do you really enjoy the company of YOU? Do you know that if you don't enjoy your-self's company, no one will? Did you ever realize that? I miss myself sometimes! I feel like I can't find me.. Do you ever feel that way? Anyways, I can always find me in a warm mug of cinnamon milk :D

I'll fly you balloons :')

2009-11-30T12:44:00.005+02:00

Habeeby Diggo,
I'll fly you balloons :) I know it'd make you happy seeing kids happy, and kids love it when they see flying balloons, just like your li'l princeeeesa does :')
~
Habeeby Diggo,
I didn't want to see your ta'eya (hat).. I didn't want to see your shawl.. I've been avoiding that since the day you've been gone! And moreover, I didn't want to smell them, but I did..

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And I felt lost! Lost in sorrow of old joy! It smelled exactly like you, sweet & super loving.. It smelt like holidays.. It smelt like fresh grass & a beach dance.. It smelt like you, the never-ending kindness of soul & heart..
~
Habeeby Diggo,
I never understood why you liked it dim.. Why you loved the curtains down.. I never knew why would a bright spirit like yourself need darkness.. But just today, I think I found out the answer.. I think you saw it all coming.. You knew that out there isn't as warm as it is inside, so you wanted to keep your sincere self away from superficiality..
~
Habeeby Diggo,
I wish you were here today! I want you to put the curtains down for me.. I need it dim for a while.. And could you come & whistle like you used to? I need to hear your whistle.. I didn't know all the old songs you loved whistling & humming to, but I'm sure if I hear them from you today, it'll feel like going back home.. Li'l pudding whistles just like you Diggo, can you believe that? He's older now, with this new tone in his voice.. I pray he'd grow to be as strong, tender & profound as you Diggo..
~
~

I miss you so much Diggo & it hurts real bad :')

I'll close my eyes like li'l amoona taught me & see you :')

Diggo, I miss you, love you, need you & thank you for you :')

Diggo, you're THE MAN, do you know that? YOU'RE THE MAN! :')

Are you?

2009-11-29T09:36:00.003+02:00

(picture's source)

"Are you gonna fly high?"

I've been doing some thinking on a couple of fears I've been experiencing for my "tomorrow", and I'll tell you what.. Best thing to do, in order to keep your flight on, is to not WHINE! I know it's easier said than done, but trust me, at least to keep on saying what you want to get done with, will eventually get you there, don't ya think?

Happy holidays!

Drop Like A Rock..

2009-11-26T08:30:00.006+02:00

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Sometimes my heart sinks to the deepest of my soul,

& sometimes my fears are louder than any control..

When that happens I run faraway & close my eyes,

& try hard to not see what on the other side lies..

So, the lights are out there now and decorations are filling every corner.. And sad hearts are all over the place.. Some don't even see the lights.. Some are too lonely to look out.. And I, I want to share this smart trick of mine that eventually breaks into the darkess.. Well, simply, in others' joy I find mine! If you try this, it might work for you like it does for me! Find others' joy & help it grow, or share it, & trust me: it'll grow on you ;)

(: Happy Eid :)

(: Happy National Day :)

"Sisters are......

2009-11-24T16:40:00.003+02:00

(picture's source)

......different flowers from the same garden"

"What's this life for?"

2009-11-21T18:21:00.014+02:00

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What's marriage? What's birth? What's light? What's peace? What's trust? What's anger? What's acceptance? What's sadness? What's appreciation? What's fear? What's admiration? What's regret? What's approval? What's encouragement? What's caring? What's understanding? What's respect? What's devotion? What's validation? What's reassurance? What's life? What's love? What's death?

The story of Cain & his brother Abel has always left this impact on my life.. It's hard grasping the extreme extent that any of us can reach.. Seeing how the world around me goes by, with all those extreme acts of love, violence, hatred & peace, I stand in awe! Now, I thank God for knowing what's this life for, but do you? Creed don't I guess, do they? They asked it before, "What's this life for?".. I hope they do now!

(: May God accept these ten blessed days & nights :)

(: Happy warm winter :)

(: Good night :)

~ h a z y ~

2009-11-16T16:51:00.003+02:00

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Girls girls girls.. I think girls to the world are like a cradle to the babies.. I think they're like caves, deep and carry a lot..

I've been learning a lot from dealing with kids in this school.. I've been understanding more about me through their very eyes.. I've been seeing why the world is like it is today.. They're a very important mirror that we all "adults" need to look at!

Li'l 11 year old, Miss N., came up to me yesterday telling me that she's in love! And I, ladies and gentlemen, was SAVED BY THE BELL! Thank God for that bell; for without it, I would have been so lost!

Earlier on that day, I saw them playing this "future game".. Girls used to play it around me when I was younger, and I made fun of them every time my turn came telling them it's "silly", while dying form the inside to play it, just to know! To know who's cradle will I be! I'm sure you know this game, it's when you fold a piece of paper into a couple of folds and on each fold you write a group of nouns.. On a fold, boys' names, the next numbers, then colors, then cars' brands, then countries & much more.. And then with your thumb, you go over each fold back and forth until whoever's turn it is says 'stop', and that will be her future husband's name, and then the number of kids she'll have, and then the color of her house, and then the car she'll have and so forth.. I was always against it, and they made fun of me for being so uptight! I wanted to know it all, but I knew I'd have to WAIT!

I wanted to tell li'l N. to WAIT and be patient.. To watch out for her heart.. To look out for the fragile being she is.. To know that to stay "crystal-clear", you gotta build a wall to protect you from ever breaking, 'cuz whenever you will, you won't have your original pureness.. But the bell rang and the words were too big for her anyway.. Anyway......

I don't really think of "tomorrow" much, I got myself used to not asking any questions about tomorrow from an early age.. But it seems the older you get, the more you'll have to think of "tomorrow".. One of the reasons I avoided the "tomorrow" drama for, was to not face any disappointments! Disappointments are such a killer, aren't they? I pray I'd never be a disappointment to anyone! Ever!

Is it the weather or what? I love winters, and this winter has nothing to do with coldness, but it is just so freakin COLD! Everything is so dull! Unclear! Obscure! Ambiguous!

C E R T A I N L Y H A Z Y !

Umm Zahra (f)

2009-11-14T12:00:00.009+02:00

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Umm Zahra (flower's mom).. One of the most beautiful women I've ever met! Her face glows with faith & hands gleam with light! It was a pleasure & a real delight meeting her!

Yesterday, "Friday the 13th", was calling on me, "come to God's house.. Come, come..".. I heard it so clear & couldn't ignore it for any reason.. The weekend's laziness & the week's weariness were melting off with the first sprinkle of ablution water on my skin.. Mysterious energy beamed all around me & carried me to God's house..

The weather was perfect, the clouds were floating & the kids were hollering on the roads.. As I drove off, the streets were greeting me with a unique morning smoothie turning all the lights to green & rushing me to God's Call..

As soon as I reached the Holy House, I found an empty spot right in front of the shaded ladies section waiting for me, thanking me for answering the call.. In disbelief, I parked the car & flew out.. As I was putting my shoes on the shelf, this cute little Somali girl opened the gate for me with happy eyes and a big gum in her mouth.. She answered my salam with this cute accent of hers that would melt down an iceberg! As I walked in, I didn't find many women as (a) I went early, (b) Women don't really go to the mosques here much often! So I go and next to the wall, unfold my rug & pray the prayer of greeting the mosque..

After finishing off my two rak'as, Umm Zahra, a woman I never met, sitting in the front row waved at ME telling me to sit next to her and tapped on the rug next to her.. So, I smiled back and went and sat & she didn't say a word! She carried on reading from the Holy Book & I started my own reading too.. Every once in a while she'd smile at me & without uttering a word, she'd continue reading.. And while reading, a sajdah came through the lines & she prostrated for around 10 minutes! I was stunned by the beauty of her power! She's this very very old Somali woman who happens to have an enormous amount of wrinkles on both her face & hands.. The hinna from her hands smelled so fresh just like Eid! Her physical ability wouldn't be much, but her prostration was a long one that would make you think, "what is wrong with me! I'm way younger and don't really prostrate this long much!".. As she rose back to her first posture, I couldn't help but wonder, why me? Why would she ask a young stranger to sit next to her! A person like her would pick a wiser looking woman, at least from her background, to sit next to..

I sat there, hearing her whispers of recitation from the thirtieth section of the Qur'an and was impressed! Arabic isn't her first language & her recitation is almost perfect! Moments later, more women started coming and among them were women she knows.. All greeting her "assalamu alaikum Umm Zahra..", and nicely she'd answer back with this peaceful grin of hers.. I showed her that it's okay with me to move back to let them sit next to her, but she held me down! She, again, without saying a word, "told" me that she wants me sitting there! We continued sitting there for almost an hour before the athan went on, without leaning on the wall for once! She knows how to sit with her back straight & The Book in her hands without moving! Just reading God's Words & trying to live them while disconnecting herself from all familiar and unfamiliar faces..

As the sermon started, she sank her face in between her hands and LISTENED! As it was over and Imam Ahmed started supplicating before the prayer, she started weeping and weeping! She was shaking as if it was the Last Day! She tried holding it all in, but her shaking showed it all.. She wouldn't scream "amen" like everyone else did, oh no.. She'd just "amen" on her own.. She'd plead but in her polite way!

As soon as we were done, people ran towards her for a hello and went back.. I prayed the Sunnah prayer (that I not always pray :$) & waited for her to finish hers, but she took quite some time.. As soon as she was done, I kissed her forehead & hugged her so tight without a word! She started praying for me as if she was my own mother!!!!! Her prayers were so sweet I didn't want them to end..

But it had to end,

And I had to go..

But in my heart,

I'll always know..

She's the flower's Mom,

Who's smell will always flow..

I LOVE YOU UMM ZAHRA (f)

P.S. What's wrong with number 13? Ha? Huh? Huuuuuuuh? Yesterday, Friday the thirteeeeeeeenth was AWESOME! YOU THIRTEEN PEOPLE, PLEASE RECONSIDER THAT THOUGHT! CANADA, please, have 13 floors.. I live in the thirteenth floor and IT'S FINE! GOSH! What's that all about!

P.P.S. Somali people rock! Really! I've always been impressed with the Somali culture! Their ways of living, food, smells, hinna & everything!

P.P.P.S. The little girl at the mosque's door reminded me of a little girl I took pictures off at Native Deen's Concert two years ago :) Here's a picture of her taken while she was looking after her li'l brother until her mom got back.. Isn't she a doll?

P.P.P.P.S. So what if Egypt wins? What happens if Algeria wins? Does it really need this much attention? Dear God!

Take me there......

2009-11-11T18:53:00.006+02:00

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To that magic land,

Where clouds are its sand,

And there we won't ever stand,

'Cuz we will fly with our hands......

When you go car-washing.....

2009-11-07T12:55:00.006+02:00

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A piece of advice: Please, whenever you go for a car-wash, please please please do remember to NOT let your windows down at least an hour after the washing procedure; for if you do, your windows will get wet again 'cuz of the water remaining in those side gaps and they won't look nice when they dry! I ALWAYS FORGET THAT!

T H E B E A C H :D

2009-11-07T10:50:00.004+02:00

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Isn't the beach such a joyful place to be in! Going there always brings in so many happy thoughts.. It's always spacious and unexpectedly a big release.. Nothing can't beat the beach's fresh smell of freshness! It's so REFRESHING :D Just like kite flying; it's always a fun thing to do.. If you've never done it, I think you should try it out :)

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I believe that in order for us to cause comfort to others, we should be comfortable in our own shoes.. So you, I and everyone else should find a focus releasing point in order to live peacefully, don't ya think?

Enjoy your weekend everybody!

Her Daddy's Song :')

2009-11-02T20:45:00.000+02:00

wishes*

2009-10-30T08:40:00.015+02:00

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Hmmmmmmmmm, before I start, I'd like to buy you all this yummy freezing cold "Only Chilis" drink! You don't find this glass except there, in Chilis (the miracles maker ;) )..

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Wishes: A tag by dear Jasmina :)

I should share three of my life wishes and choose 6 bloggers to tag.. Well, let's start with the wishes first..

In this life, God Has already helped us in even knowing what to wish for - the goals we should set - and they are three:

1. Worshiping Him..

2. Growing this world into a better one..

3. Purifying ourselves..

I've done my research long ago on them three, and with days, they've become my ultimate wishes for this life..

1. I wish I could really truly worship Him in the perfect way I can through every little and big thing I do..

2. I wish I can help with all the seeds I can help with; to be a part of their growth to become stronger & more giving trees..

3. I wish I can cleanse my soul, heart, mind & body with all the cleaning detergents I can get my hands on..

As for the 6 bloggers, I tag:

Dearest Ara <3

Asma :)

GJOEZ :)

Maryoomy :)

Maroo :)

Aroosa ;)

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So how's your drink so far? Still cold? :D

Yeah, so it's been all about wishes for these past two weeks in school.. The kids have been drawing, writing, acting, singing, reading & putting words together aaaaaaaaaaall for wishes.. Remember last year's wishes, here? So this year has seen similiar wishes with some differences :) Goldy wishes to "control the air.."!!!!!!

You know, one of my wishes was to study nursing! I've always admired the "nursing" nurture that always makes others in a li'l bit of comfort.. But I don't think I'd ever make a good nurse.. I'm just too weak for it.. It takes strength.. Anyways, I just remembered how I wanted to be one when I was a kid.. Btw, I've always had different wishes for when I grow up, but they were all the same, all around giving.. I wish I'd be more of a giver than a taker, but it seems I'm doing the opposite most of the time.. Like I looooove teaching, but I've noticed that I take more than I give while doing so.. They always add things to me, love me, teach me, and I'm not sure if I'm doing the same! I hope to God I am!

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So, are you done with your drink? Want another? Or time for some grilled chicken/beef?

One of my dear dear dear sisters, my honey bunny, has been facing some serious problem in her life.. Her mom came home around two weeks ago with this weird look on her face and weird attitude.. She started saying senseless things & wasn't able to eat or drink, 'cuz she didn't remember how to! It turned out to be a brain problem that's causing all this mess.. First, I'd like all of you reading this to pray for her, please.. Secondly, did you ever really really contemplate on how your brain works! Isn't it amazing! It does wonders, without even letting us know!

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I went out with one of my close friends a couple of days ago, and she was needing her mother terribly.. Her mom passed away last year & she was strong all through it.. But all she always tells me, is that she needs her mom.. She never talks about "mising" her, only "needing" her, is this considered selfishness? We went to this restaurant and sat there for long not saying anything, but watching Tom & Jerry & laughing all along.. Laughing to all their moves, that we knew were coming! Oh, how li'l things can ease your pains & lift you higher!

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So, are you bored already? Done with your drinks & food? Wanna leave? Fine, I'll let you go, but before doing so, I'd like to tell you all that everyday passing you by won't ever come back.. You can keep it in your book of memories, but you can't live it again, so try to take hold of your tongue, for it can drag you waaaaaaaay down.. May Allah forgive me, you & us aaaaaaaaaaaall; for our weakness ain't an excuse!

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(: God Bless :)

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P.S. Yesterday (writing day at school), I asked the kids to write about a special person they love.. And for me to assign for them a writing composition, I have to write an example for them on the board for them to get help from, & guess who I picked for me? Diggooooooooooooo (grandpa) :) I talked about how he used to stick his tongue out every now and then to make me laugh :) How he loved all kinds of melon & used to eat it until its drops would roll down his arms & wet his dry elbows :) I talked about his stories, their morals & funny corners :) And then I drew them a watermelon slice with its seeds shaped as a smily face that they all wanted to eat :D

I love you diggo <3

May Allah rest your soul & grant you peace on this blessed Friday <3

P.P.S. I picked a cold drink as a good bye symbol to this long summer & a BIG HELLO to this new winter & its warm drinks :)

"Is this gonna be forever?"

2009-10-17T12:02:00.008+02:00

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"Is this gonna be forever?" is a question cute li'l David asked his daddy after having his tooth removed.. You can watch him here :)

It was this "funny" feeling he was feeling that he asked his dad about.. Will it last forever?

And I started thinking, the "forever" & "never" concepts are very hard deals to make.. Don't you think?

~ "What can be a forever thing.."

~ "Never say never.."

Are these possible in today's world?

Who knows..

*sighs*

Anyways..

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Kiddo,

All I can tell you now is that it's never over until your last breath.. It just keeps going, up & down & up & down, it's never a straight line, just like your pulse, it's always up & down....

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David also asked: "Is this real life?" Is it people? 'Cuz I have no clue!

"I was blown away

What could I say

It all seemed to make sense.

You've taken away everything

And I can't deal with that.

I try to see the good in life.

But good things in life are hard to find.

I'll blow it away, blow it away

Can we make this something good?"

~ It's not over - Chris Daughtry ~

Morning's breeze..

2009-10-16T10:18:00.007+02:00

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I love it when:

The white board is wiped & I smell my pen's ink as I write..

The kids wait for me & smile when seeing me..

I wake up with a good thought & live the day with it..

My coffee ain't too hot or cold for me to sip from..

I meet new people & connect with their weirdest sides..

A few words are said from one's heart & make this life worth living..

I don't know what tomorrow has for me..

Amoona sticks to me without wanting a thing..

I hear my songs played in real life in people's faces..

People let others' cars pass before them, when they have the chance not to let them..

Life feels good for no specific reason..

The ocean greets me every morning with its vast beings..

I be me without planning or preparing for it to be..

I know that Wilson found a trustworthy pal who knows how to handle the li'l things before the big ones..

I realize that this place is mine & others find it on their own..

I watch cartoons with amoona..

Everyone plays with Dee out of all other things when they come over..

I wake up every morning & take in its new breeze..

h e a r t l e s s

2009-10-14T18:05:00.015+02:00

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"Miss, you won't believe this: A jellyfish doesn't have a heart!"

You know what sweetheart, I think jellyfish are so lucky!

Yes sweetie, believe me! They ARE lucky!

Having a heart ain't easy!

Nope, it ain't!

His Secret..

2009-10-12T16:02:00.017+02:00

Secrets.... They're always a load, no matter how tiny they might seem.. Some know how to dissolve a secret within themselves.. And others sink with any secret they carry..

I've always hated secrets; I hate having my OWN secrets! I strive to be as bright as the sun, but it can never be.. Sometimes, one can float really, be lighter than a feather, but OTHER times DO come, whether they're welcomed or not.. They come without knocking & try to pull you down, to the deepest well.. I don't know where floating back again to the surface comes from.. Does it come from faith? love? hope? or what? I don't really know!

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Goldy (a li'l angel I teach), came up to me today with all the seriousness in the world & said: "Miss, I wanna tell you a secret, but don't tell the Arabic teacher.." I said: "Go ahead honey.." He looked around & whispered: "Well miss, I didn't get enough sleep last night.. So today, in the Arabic period, I slept for a few seconds without meaning to, & my turn came to answer a question & I woke up exactly at the right time & answered correctly!! And the teacher didn't notice, how odd is that!".. I gave him this big smile & without thinking, my response was: "You know why Goldy? 'Cuz God Knew how tired you were, & wanted to save you from getting yelled at.." His eyes twinkled with joy & he said: "Thank God Miss!"..

Thank You God.. Thank You Ya Allah.. Thank You for always saving us without us knowing.. Thank You for saving us from our secrets.. Thank You for saving our secrets from being spilled & breaking us.. Thank You! I praise You with all my soul, heart, mind & body..

The Color Of Light..

2009-10-09T16:54:00.005+02:00

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This is a story of a jar & a li'l boy.. A true story, not a make-believe.. Just as real as my beating heart & seeing eyes..

There was this jar, a pretty unique one.. It's been in it's place for over two decades.. A beautifully see-through one.. It's been filled with wonders of all colors except for one.. A color it's never had before.. It was always happy knowing how different it is, and knowing of its unique contents.. It never really cared for the missing color as much as it cared for its present ones.. It always had pride in sharing all its colors with others & make all that surrounds it look prettier with its presence..

One day, after all the tick tacks & joys & laughs, a li'l boy came by.. He came close to the jar & with his eyes full of interest, he held the jar tight! He immediately noticed its missing color & screamed: "I have your missing color, dear jar!".. The jar was trembling with fear; it was its first time being held so strongly & suddenly! It was so used to the order of its contents & its familiar colors, and was so scared to add a new one after all those years.. It didn't know whether there is a place for this color, whether this color will match with the rest, whether it's strong enough to contain a new thing after years and years of familiarity....

As a few moments passed by, the jar felt the missing color in the li'l boy's hands.. As the li'l boy was getting ready to add that special missing color, the jar fell on the floor & broke to pieces! The jar & its contents were shattered all over the rough cold floor! Then, the li'l boy, without thinking, started to gather all its pieces together and hid the broken jar somewhere in the dark!

He started wondering, can he reshape it back to its old form, & put its contents in the same order they were in? If not, can he at least make a new different jar out of it & put the contents in a different acceptable order? But the main problem he was facing was the jar itself.. A few seconds ago it was a pretty transparent see-through jar, so after he "fixes" it, will it still be crystal clear as it was? He wondered & wondered.. But he thought for a moment, maybe God Has destined for this jar to break so that a stronger one would come out of it!

And the poor jar, was shattered.. Simply shattered and kept there in the dark, all alone! In his deep thoughts he was drowning.. And while frowning, he thought to himself, maybe tomorrow, when the sun goes shining........

With his cousins: "waiting...."

2009-10-08T17:59:00.001+02:00

"Joy Of Learning Through PLAY"

2009-10-07T20:13:00.001+02:00

~ s o r e l y ~

2009-10-07T17:02:00.007+02:00

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I'm so sore! But the good news is, I can pinpoint the 'why' ;)

Well, I don't let my guards down ever! Always trying to be stronger than I am, but you know what, it ain't always right! I need to be weak if I am so for a while.. It ain't a crime, is it? Be what I am.. Feel what I feel.. I shouldn't be always right.. Perfectly correct.. Nope.. As a teacher, I always tell the kids it's okay to make mistakes, to be wrong sometimes.. I tell them, I make mistakes, and they go like: "No, you're the teacher miss, you can't..".. But I always say: "I can, 'cuz Im human!".. And so can everyone else.. I even sometimes, intentionally mix up things and say "uh oh, oopsy, sorry guys..".. It's always good to say sorry.. It's a blessing actually.. Giving up is what brings us down.. Big difference there between messing up and fixing things & messing up and giving up, right?

What I did in those past few days is let the windows down! I've always had glass around me blocking me from the world.. It's always good to sniff in some fresh air no matter how humid, sticky, hot, cold, or boring it might seem.. I love this 18 degrees celsius temperature I've been soaking myself in, but I gotta let myself out there every now and then.. Hear the different screams, smell those pungent smells, crash into the unknown.. Don't ya think?

Have a new pungent evening everyone ;)

MmmMmmMmmMmm..

2009-10-03T10:24:00.004+02:00

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Don't you just love ginger; its smell, taste, color & everything! Ginger can make me happy at any given time!! I love it everywhere, with honey, meat, cookies, simply with anything! It's this addictive spice that spices up my life ;)

Soooooooo.... I read this lovely 'feeling' today, written by Leo Tolstoy, the Russian champion of classics, here goes: "He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began." How fascinating! How can someone be so close to someone else! Is it possible, or only in Mr. Tolstoy's world?

I don't know what is it with me and the continuous thinking, I can't seem to stop! I wish I can just pause my mind for a couple of hours! If only! Anyhow, I was thinking (AGAIN), how can I teach my kids to concentrate more while I don't even know how to! Like for instance, whenever I start with something, I distract myself out of it, even if it was something that I wanted to do in the first place (not forced to do)! I'm a clown in class, but yet it doesn't always work!

And now ladies & gentlemen, time for some nice lyrics of one of the best of Nickelback's :D I've always felt like it's more of a prayer than a song really! For me, it's a cry out to God, The One & Only.. The Most Merciful.. Here:

"Prison gates won't open up for me

On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'

Oh, I reach for you

Well I'm terrified of these four walls

These iron bars can't hold my soul in

All I need is you

Come please I'm callin'

And oh I scream for you

Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like

To be the last one standing

And teach me wrong from right

And I'll show you what I can be

Say it for me

Say it to me

And I'll leave this life behind me

Say it if it's worth saving me

Heaven's gates won't open up for me

With these broken wings I'm fallin'

And all I see is you

These city walls ain't got no love for me

I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story

And oh I scream for you

Come please I'm callin'

And all I need from you

Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'"

First Friday In October :D

2009-10-02T20:18:00.003+02:00

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I'll never forget that night I spent with daddy working on this art project for my arts class: a vase with flowers.. How accurate & talented daddy always is! I wish I can have that from him! The thing is, I can be somehow accurate if I train myself, but never be talented like him.. Or like any one else.. It comes with birth, I believe.. I love the way he does everything, no matter how small it can be.. He always always does his BEST! Bless your heart daddy <3

Yeah, so I don't know about you guys, but for me, everytime I'm in the car alone, going from a place to another, I can't help but think of others, who might be going to the very same place at the very same time, but can't get a ride!!!! I wish there would be something that I can do about that.. Like I can't help but think of the empty seats in my car & the many others who need it! Of course, in this world, people would freak out if I stop to offer them a ride.. Dad used to do that by the way.. But not always did others understand.. I really wish something can be done about that.. I think it'd make our world a btter one, don't you think? And if you do, any suggestions?

One last thought, on gyms.. Yup! I always thought about gyms.. A gym is a very useful place, helping others to feel more comfortable with the body they're in.. But I always had this thought in my mind, and don't know how it can be put into action.. I'll just share it.. For muslim women who do wear the hijab, it'd be a li'l uncomfortable jogging in public, so gyms then would come in handy.. Or even treadmills at home, like for me, or a ladies club, like the one we have here in the U.A.E. (however, it isn't available in all countries), we're lucky to have it here.. But for men, my thought goes.. Well, I always think that instead of men running on a treadmill or lifting up weights in a gym, it'd be better if they do it out there while helping others! Like for instance, help with weights that need to be lifted for someone who can't, in a regular basis.. Or run as well in the service of something that needs to be done.. And so, running or lifting weights will help one's body, while also helping someone else! I know it's a weird thought, but I've had it for so long! Dunno really!

I guess I'm starting to blabber now, so gooooooood night everyone & SMILE, 'cuz it's the World Smile Day, and 'cuz God loves it when you do :)

F L U F F Y <3

2009-09-29T22:02:00.000+02:00

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Too many thoughts to share :)

*Since last Wednesday, this sweet li'l angel, Z, has been on my mind.. She's a li'l girl I teach, with this most charming smile & an extraordinary happy heart.. Her delicacy & transparency are so unique, they'd make your heart dance.. However, in this world we live in, almost no one would see those things enchanting li'l miss Z has.. Why? Well, 'cuz most of us have lost the true meaning of beauty.. We've become so blinded that we don't see anymore.. Sweet li'l Z has a serious eyes problem that caused her to undergo a few surgeries that caused her eyes to change their natural shape & have sever scars around them.. My darling li'l Z suffers from the ugliness in people's hearts from the way they see her.. And at this young age, I wonder, after all the suffer she's gone through, what's awaiting her? Will her special someone come, or no one would see her? See the real her? Will people love her for who she is? I wonder.. On a second note, today, I woke up with my left eye so puffy that it was almost shut! And Z was all I thought about! Bless her heart <3

*My brave li'l F :D A li'l boy with the best paper plane tricks, made me cute paper planes to fly with ;) Isn't that adorable <3

*One of my dearest friends, after years and years of walking in the wrong direction, decided to stop, and take a U turn and hold her heart tight & let go of the dark road she was taking.. I truly wish we'd always be able to be as strong as her & learn how to let go of the fake pleasures of the NOW and take hold of our selves' cries for TOMORROW :) Congratulations babygirl <3

*I've been in an extreme state of longing-ness for the past couple of months, that has been driving me nuts! I'm losing my mind & the problem is that it shows! But there's something useful about this mess, believe it or not! It reminds me constantly of how powerless I am.. You see, I don't see myself as a powerful being or anything of that sort, but sometimes, subconsciencly, I think that i'm LEADING my own life.. I believe that I can always do what I want.. However, that's nothing but a big fat lie.. It's aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall, all of it, the whole thing...... The whole thing is in His Hands.. And I need to be in peace with whatever state I am in.. No matter how hard it might seem.. ACCEPTING things, isn't an easy task, but it's a possible one.. So let's try hard, while always keeping that inner peace.. Let's wear the "God Is The Most Merciful" cloak & breathe easy <3

*And last but not least, I have A WISH.. A special wish for a special someone on this special day: I wish you'd always carry the love of God in your heart today & everyday :) I pray all of the moments you have left on this earth would be truly heartfelt, as always, with new flying skills everyday, that would make you the best flying knight that you can be :) And may your horse's wings always grow stronger & stronger & stronger :) I pray you'd always add light to all that you touch & make this world a brighter one :) May your life be as fluffy as a bird's feather & your heart always smile like a kid's laughter :)

Here's a special song dedicated to you, oh special knight :) You can watch it here :)

When you feel all alone in this world

And there's nobody to count your tears

Just remember, no matter where you are

Allah knows Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load

And you wonder how far you can go

With every step on that road that you take

Allah knows Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out

There's one thing of which there's no doubt

Allah knows Allah knows

And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth

Every star in this whole universe

Allah knows Allah knows

When you find that special someone <3

Feel your whole life has barely begun <3

You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone <3

Allah knows Allah knows <3

When you gaze with love in your eyes

Catch a glimpse of paradise

And you see your child take the first breath of life

Allah knows Allah knows

When you lose someone close to your heart

See your whole world fall apart

And you try to go on but it seems so hard

Allah knows Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose

Through the valleys and hills we go

With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown

Allah knows Allah knows

Every grain of sand, In every desert land, He knows

Every shade of palm, Every closed hand, He knows

Every sparkling tear, On every eyelash, He knows

Every thought I have, And every word I share, He knows

Allah knows

~ By Zain Bhikha & Dawud Wharnsby ~

M A G I C

2009-09-26T09:04:00.005+02:00

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~
~
Two Point Five: is his majic number,

He played its game to make me wonder..

His smart tricks always work for me,

And to another world they make me flee..

Just like this Saturday, but 13 ones ago,

He melted my heart without letting me know..

And it went so quick & fast,
~
As if I fell in a field of quicksand..

His Batta <3

2009-09-25T14:22:00.007+02:00

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She always smells so good,

Much more yummier than her food..

Her hands always glow,

With that book she constantly holds..

Her words are loud and clear,

And her silence is all sincere..

Her eyes are deeply wise,

Reflecting the love of her Qais..

She misses him but doesn't tear,

'Cuz she knows that day is near..

Where she'll fly & hold him close,

'Cuz by God he has been chose..

lovely thought

2009-09-22T18:36:00.000+02:00

I m p e n e t r a b l e

2009-09-18T00:27:00.007+02:00

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~
~

The following is one of my favorite scenes of all time, taken off one of my favorite movies: "Crash".. If you wanna watch this scene, please click here :)

It takes place between a father & his daughter.. It starts with the father:

"How's it goin'?

Okay.

You didn't get scared or something, did you? There's no monsters in the closet, right? 'Cause I hate monsters.

There's no such thing as monsters.

Ah, that's a good thing.

I heard a bang.

Like a truck bang?

Like a gun.

That's funny, 'cause we moved outta that bad neighborhood. And there's not too many guns around here.

How far can bullets go?

They go pretty far. But they usually get stuck in something and stop.

What if they don't?

You thinking about that bullet that came through your window? You think we should move again?

I like it here.

Me too. But if that bullet found out where we lived...Oh, hold on.

What?

So stupid! How can I forget this?

What?

Nah. Forget it. You ain't gonna believe me.

Tell me.

Okay. When I was five, this fairy came into my room one night.

Right.

See, I told you you weren't gonna believe me. Okay, go to sleep now, you little rat.

No, tell me.

Okay. So this fairy comes into my room and I'm like,"Yeah, right, you're a fairy." Anyway, we're talking, you know. And she's flying all around the room, knocking down all my posters and stuff.

She was flying?

She had these little stubby wings. She could've glued 'em on, you know? Like I'm gonna believe she's a fairy. So she said, "I'll prove it." So she reaches into her backpack. And she pulls out this invisible cloak. She ties it around my neck, and she tells me that it's impenetrable. You know what impenetrable means? It means that nothing can go through it. No bullets. Nothing. She told me that if I wore it, nothing would hurt me. So I did. And my whole life, I never got shot, stabbed. Nothing. I mean, how weird is that? Only she told me that I was supposed to give it to my daughter on her fifth birthday. And I forgot.

Can I touch it?

Sure, go ahead.

I don't feel it.

Yeah. It's pretty cool, huh? I can take it off and tie it around your shoulders. She told me how to do it. Unless you think it's stupid.

Don't you need it?

No, not anymore. So what do you think? You want it? Okay, let's get outta here.

Okay.

Put your head up.

Okay.

Is that too tight? Do you feel anything at all? Good. Then it's just right.

Do I take it off when I have a bath?

No, you leave it on all the time. Until you have a daughter when she turns five, then you give it to her. Okay?

Okay.

Okay. Good night, sweetie.

Good night."

I only wanted to....

2009-09-17T15:48:00.007+02:00

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When will I stop making mistakes? When will I learn it all? When will I know when/how to do ONLY the right things? I guess never..

I believe before my graduation day, I'd never get that A*.. Maybe after I graduate, and somewhere up there, I'd be perfectly clear on how to be always right.. But until then.... But until then, I have to accept the fact of not ever reaching that A*..

I'd like to thank all of those whom have loved me with my mistakes & accepted me as I am.. I promise I'd always do the best I can & love you all the best I can.. And sorry if my love for any of you comes out the wrong way or takes us the wrong direction, that would surely not be my intent.. Definitely not..

Sorry for ruining it all,

You know I didn't ever mean to..

I'd never ever want to see you fall,

Nor ever ever ever dare to..

I borrowed your love for blue to paint,

Your world with love that doesn't faint..

Not to ever make YOU blue,

Or hurt you all the way through..

Sorry now, yesterday & tomorrow,

And I wish I can never cause any sorrow..

Salt Of Life..

2009-09-11T00:18:00.009+02:00

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I've always loved refilling our sugar jar, salt shaker or anything else that needed refilling.. It makes me feel content for some reason!

However, I almost never needed the salt shaker while having a meal.. It's always there, I see it & hand it a lot to others, but never really need it! Dunno if this is bad, but it's just me.. I can never tell whether the salt is too li'l or normal.. I can only tell when it's too much..

And this is how it is with many things in my life.. I don't really ask for more, as I never do want more.. The only thing I always like to add, is the chili flavor or the saucy dressing! Not salt, no, not to taste things more, no, but just make it spicier.. Is that a crime? :$

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wish us all acceptance in these blessed nights & pray for always having new beginnings for better selves.. May we always get refills that freshen our spirits & bring our hearts to life.. Amen :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That pill that they call pride.."

2009-09-08T21:31:00.008+02:00

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"I've been travelin' on this road too long

Just trying to find my way back home

But the old me is dead and gone

Dead and gone

.................

I turn my head to the east I don't see nobody by my side

I turn my head to the west still nobody in sight

So I turn my head to the north swallow that pill that they call pride

That old me's dead and gone but the new me will be alright"

~ T.I. & J.T. ~

For those of you who've never heard this song, it discusses some real tragedies of life generated from need & so forth.. Anyways, whenever I used to hear it, I always felt like telling T.I. & J.T.: You guys, when you turn your head to the north & feel like swallowing your pride, kneel down! Prostrate, it's what you're looking for, but just can't find :( I pray with all my heart, for me, you & everyone else, to feel the blessing of our weaknesses to our Creator & let go of our bad pride to let space for our good one, amen! S U B M I T :)

U K H T Y <3

2009-09-07T01:14:00.003+02:00

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Remember that time I forced you to "fly" with me from our old white dining table's tip & broke your arm? I can't forgive myself until now!

Heart of my heart, soul of my soul, blood of my blood.. What can I say.. Firstly, know why I chose this pic? 'cuz it's so you :D You loved twirling ever since you knew how to walk :) Do you know that I still can't see you older than 9? I swear! Like I still see you as you were 10 years ago! That's how you're saved in my memory! Whenever your name comes up, it's that old you, the real old you, not what everyone sees now!

I still remember the very day you came to life.. I remember clearly all the details.. I remember your face, your hair, your smell.. I remember how I carried you & how scared mom was.. I remember that feeling that grew with your blooming everyday.. You were like my newest most real doll.. You were/are a real doll sis :) I loved playing with your hair, and making all weird hairdos that you never liked ;) I remember how I always watched your every step (even when barefoot ;) ) and never wanted to see you stumble.. I remember all the days I made you cry from my harsh overprotection that I had for you.. Do you forgive me? I hope you do..

Oh Dolly, if you know how much I love you.. You are the oldest song of my heart.. You're the music to my soul.. I swear it, without you, my smile would fade & my eyes would shade! May God protect you & save you from all harm, & may your laughter & giggle ring in this world & always make it a happier one, just as always :)

I wish you all the baraka you need & a safe journey in your colorful new world, amen <3

LYKYD <3

I m i s s . . . . . .

2009-09-06T14:04:00.005+02:00

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I miss finding your flower on my pillow..

I miss your promises of a better tomorrow..

I miss hearing your keys' noises by the door..

I miss your foot steps on our floors..

I miss knowing that every time I fall, you'll be there..

I miss your love, passion & care..

I miss hearing your loud talks on the phone..

I miss hearing your prayers at every dawn..

I miss seeing you so into what you're reading..

I miss your ways with the li'l kids while feeding..

I miss hugging you until you got bored..

I miss all your talks about how we should fear our Lord..

I miss all your stories of the past & how it's went so fast..

I miss your reminders of our supplications & safety preparations..

I miss your firm words & all your strong holds..

I miss, oh how I miss you on your prayer mat..

I miss you so much that it hurts so bad..

C u b e - C u b o i d

2009-09-01T18:09:00.005+02:00

What are a few lines scribbled in a few seconds? What are a few words said in a spur of a moment? What are a few moves made from the heart? What are a few moments spent in laughter? What are a few tears running down for love? What are a few tries in imitating a beautiful voice? What are a few limits for getting a better picture?

If they mean nothing to you, they are EVERYTHING to me!

Thank you for being you <3

c h e r i s h

2009-08-30T21:33:00.007+02:00

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C h e r r i e s . . C h e r i s h . . C h e e r f u l . .

How I love those lovely round cherries! I've always had good memories with this yummy reddish juicy fruit.. One of the most beautiful things about this sweet fruit, is that it has a smooth/hard seed inside of it.. Smooth & hard, have you noticed that? I wish I can learn how to be smoothly hard from the inside.. It doesn't, by any means, mean that I'll have a rough/hard exterior, on the contrary, if you noticed, a cherry's flesh is always tender! Only 'cuz of it's seed, it's beautifully held together..

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Cherishing what we have can always save us from the evil of looking for what we don't have.. I wish we can be able of only cherishing & not whining.. I wish..

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

If we do that, we'll always be cheerful & spread good spirits to all that surrounds us :) Everything will be rotated around joy; & we'll find great pleasure all through good/bad times :)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I wish.. I wish dad could just come through the door now carrying a box full of cherries like he always used to with that charming kind smile of his...... Missing you daddy <3

~ Hanging On By A Thread ~

2009-08-28T19:23:00.006+02:00

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What can I say.. It's what all of us get to at certain points in our lives.. Hanging on by a thread, and not knowing what the next moment has in store for us.. Now, not knowing is veeeeeeeery common, 'cuz it's a fact of our lives here, The Unseen.. And that thread, differs from one person to another from the outside.. But you know what I've found out? It's all relatively THE VERY SAME from the inside! It's a thread that connects you to The One Who Has your soul in His Hands.. Whatever name you give that thread, trust me, IT'S THE SAME!

"Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking

Completely incomplete

I'll take your invitation

You take all of me

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose

There's nothing else to find

There's nothing in the world

That can change my mind

There is nothing else

There is nothing else"

~ By Lifehouse ~

Al Khaliq :)

2009-08-28T01:37:00.001+02:00

Silent Sunlight :)

2009-08-28T01:30:00.001+02:00

L i g h t U p

2009-08-26T22:15:00.005+02:00

(Illustration's Source)

Loving one another for no earthly cause is a very rare commodity nowadays :( When that is found, you just wanna hold on to it & never let go.. However, it's hard at most times..

I've been learning new things recently from some real nice people & whenever that happens, I try to jot everything down in my heart so that I don't lose it.. I've never been much of a concentrating student as much as I've been counting on the heartfelt knowledge..

Anyways, the most amazing knowledge that successfully passes unto others always happens when: 1. The student really wants to leeeeeeearn! 2. The teacher really wants to teeeeeeeach! When these two items take place, miracles come to life!

I wanna take this opportunity to thank every single person I met whom have added something beautiful that made me the person I am today :) Whether alive or dead, may Allah grant them eternal peace & everlasting light that saves them from the darkness here & in the after-life; just as they've saved me from this world's darkness & the one after it inshaAllah, Ameeeeen:)

Before I go, there's this new related Baba Ali video that reminds us not to forget important things in the process of passing on one's knowledge, here :)

THANK YOU :)

~ b i r d i e s ~

2009-08-24T15:50:00.003+02:00

(Illustration's Source)

We always feel good when giving.. It's an inborn instinctive gift that God Has granted us to be able to enjoy it while doing it (another gift from amongst the many others:) ).. Some lose this gift by not knowing-how/wanting to use it.. Gracefully, I come from a family that truly knows how to use this gift, & hopefully, I'd die someday while using it as beautifully as they do.. Hopefully..

I talked earlier about mama's feeding-birds-balcony-corner.. And I swear, when their (birds') water or food runs out, they CALL OUT FOR HER!!!!

Granny is here now :) & as you know, it's very hot out here in the gulf at summer time.. The salty waters give us a lotta hard time breathing, but I love it, 'cuz it's a part of being home.. Anyways, I saw granny doing one of the most beautiful things minutes ago! She asked me to go get her the water bowl that the birds drink from.. I went out, checked it & told her, "No granny, it's still half full, we don't need to re-fill it now.." She said, "Just get it..".. I got it & to my surprise, I found her getting an ice cube & adding it to the water to cool it down for the birdies!!!!!!!!!!!

Seeing all this beauty around me shocks me when seeing others stepping on the weaker-others in the real scary world out there.. Hunger, ignorance, illness, injustice & what not.. I wish people would get in touch with their inner-selves & try a li'l harder to feel others & not only themselves.. I wish I/you would never forget teta's soft birdie gesture & practice it on our brothers & sisters in humanity, amen :)

I LOVE RAMADAN :)

2009-08-23T20:27:00.008+02:00

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I wanted to share all those crazy ramadanic/masjid moments that make you wanna fly through the masjid's large window to a much better atmosphere.. I wanted to talk about all those kids' cries, women's whispers/fights, unbelievable ignorance & extreme love of Allah that a lotta us have in common.. I wanted to talk about the different languages/accents you hear, smells you have to digest & looks you have to get.. And I so wanted to talk about the not-so-sweet advices that every single soul out there wanna give!

However, I can never do that, since my dear sister Organica did so in the most beautiful way, as always.. Please do enjoy her thoughts on Taraweeh Prayers here :D

And I can't leave you without my favourite ramadanic video ever: Baba Ali's :D Enjoy!

R a m a d a n 1 4 3 0 :)

2009-08-22T00:44:00.006+02:00

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"That's the way that the world goes 'round.

You're up one day and the next you're down.

It's half an inch of water and you think you're gonna drown.

That's the way that the world goes 'round."

~ By John Prine ~

So, the days pass, and we walk by.. Rarely do we pause & look inside.. However, there are special times that are granted to each & every one of us, where purity of thought reaches its peak & purity of intention & deed follows.. And one of those very personally special times is R A M A D A N :) It's not just the fasting that tastes different in Ramadan (than other days), it's everything.. The whole masjids' shaking rhythms, the footsteps dying for forgiveness, the cries longing for acceptance & the never ending pleads for a better life..

1430, came to me, with a beautiful gift & found me with a sad loss.. I hope I can take all I can from it & my prayers would be more than memorized words that are said heartlessly.. Hope I'll feel every move I make & every breath I take on His Holy Way.. Hope I learn more about His Timeless Love & reflect all of The Light that brightens my days & nights.. Hope those blessed nights would bring out the best of me, to me & to the universe.. Amen :)

You know, everyday is a brand new one, coming with a new face, new dream, new wish & a new need.. Happy ones are those who wake up & wipe the sleep from their eyes while knowing what to want & how to get it from this new day, while keeping that warm lovely smile to help them go through it all :)

May all our days be blessed,

& all our hearts get rest..

For those nights go fast,

& their days end with fast..

Thirty days, thirty fast breakers,

So don't forget to ask your Creator..

To bless our hearts with true eternal love,

For it takes more than a heavy stomach stuff..

~ z a m a a n ~

2009-08-12T17:24:00.005+03:00

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I was reading Surat Al-Anfal (The Spoils Of War), Chapter 8 in The Qur'an today.. And I read this verse as if I've never read or heard it before.. Here:

"He has reconciled the hearts (of the believers). Had you spent all the money on earth, you could not reconcile their hearts. But GOD did reconcile them. He is Almighty, Most Wise." ~ 8:63

How amazingly true! No matter how hard you try to like/dislike someone, it'll never work.. What works is controlling your actions, but not you heart! One of the secrets of the heart is that it's sooooo much like it's beats.. Up & down according to its own wish, not yours..

However, I wonder where the love of one's kins comes from.. Like your sister/grandpa/uncle & so forth.. It comes in with your birth like, a package.. What kills me is how some people try to fight gravity & kill those birth given packages that come for free! They're long lasting & so supportive to one's heart all throughout the years..

Please, please, please oh brother & sister, don't fight gravity, it will only 'cuz you pain more than any joy! Trust me!

A CONFESSION: I think I'm missing that old little girl in me! I feel like turning into a more mature being enduring all new feelings and plans that will subsequently turn me into a different sara.. I hope this new me will be a lighter one with bigger wings that can take me higher & higher, "to a place where blind men see..".. Amen! I remember when I was younger, my brother & I used to play this "flying" game that did actually give us that feeling that we were longing for, even though it was just in our rooms! We used to stand on our beds, cloak ourselves with our blankets, & together, in the same moment, we'd jump from one bed to another (with our eyes closed at times) :) Right there & then, nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, in the world mattered as much as that moment did!

"Would you tell me a story, please?"

2009-08-11T11:57:00.005+03:00

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FROM THE MOVIE: SEVEN POUNDS:

Ben: Hello?

Emily: Ben? Hi, I'm sorry to call so late.

Ben: Did...? Did someone from the IRS contact you?

Emily: No. I just... I was having trouble breathing after I took Duke for a walk, and I fainted. An ambulance had to take me to the hospital. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I even called you. I'm sorry. It's just that I have your card with me, and... Ben? Are you still there?

Ben: Yes.

Emily: Do you ever think about dying, Ben?

Ben: Every now and again.

Emily: My face is bluish. It's not exactly a good sign.

Ben: You should try to rest. Just... Why don't you see if you can get some sleep?

Emily: I like talking to you.

Ben: I like talking to you too.

Emily: Would you tell me a story, please?

Ben: Okay. All right. Once upon a time...... there was a little boy named...

Emily: Oh, lucky me, you just got it on reserve like that. Okay. Let me guess. His name was Ben.

Ben: No, actually, this little boy's name is Tim.

Emily: I like the name Tim. Go on.

Ben: Tim's little brother was always pestering Tim......to make him paper airplanes, because he was really good at it. But Tim had much bigger dreams than that.

Emily: Okay. Then what happened?

Ben: One day, Tim went out to the backyard......and he put leaves and taped branches to his arms......and started climbing the big oak tree. His little brother said, "Tim, you can't fly." And he said, "Yeah? You just watch." He got all the way to the top and jumped.

Emily: How tall was this tree?

Ben: It was... It was pretty tall. He broke his arm.

Emily: Oh, my God... This is a horrible story.

Ben: Oh, no, no. It gets better. From that experience, Tim realized that he wanted to fly. So he dedicated his life to making spaceships.

Emily: I thought you said this was a good story.

Ben: Oh, well... Yeah, that is......until the dragons showed up.

Emily: Oh, okay, see, now it's getting better. I like dragons. Especially dragons in space.

Ben: Yes, and these were fire-breathing space dragons...... with really bad attitudes.

Emily: I see.

Ben: I have an idea. Why don't you try to fall asleep...... and when you do, I'll just hang up.

Emily: Okay. Ben?

Ben: Yes.

Emily: Thank you for listening. And for talking.

Ben: Try to fall asleep.

Emily: Good night, Ben.

Ben: Good night, Emily. Emily? Emily?

mon roche..

2009-08-11T08:57:00.005+03:00

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I hold on to so many things in my life & wrap all my fears, joys, dreams & plans around them.. Small little things really, but to me, they represent me.. My state.. My chaos.. My very inner self.. With them, I feel whole.. I feel like no matter how strong that tide will be, I'll be safe & sound..

But time, time is always stronger than tide.. It's slow, yet more powerful than any other storm.. It's loud, but never promises, instead, turns its back on you fearlessly, with nothing to lose! And right there & then, it's you you're left with.. Just you & your self.. Your very fragile self.. And only you can save yourself & find a strong rock to hold on to, or let time take you up & down with it & then, you end up alone, trembling with fear, until your very last breath..

Now some give up and say: "I couldn't find the rock..".. Well, I know its hard to find a strong one.. One that has been there for hundreds of years, strong enough to support you, & big enough to hold your fears down & strengthen you.. But I swear to you, every single soul born/or-will-come-to-life, had/will-have a rock especially existing for them.. And it shows up in everyone's life & calls on to them; to hold on to.. But it's us who fail to see really.. It's a result of either: -not wanting to see OR -not wanting to see.. It's never 'cuz of "not seeing".. Every one of us has been granted an insight larger than life itself.. An insight that can grow with time or die.. Die because of a killer that couldn't wait a little more and "see" a little harder! And oh my, if only they can sentence all those killers out there, the world would be a much better place!

And if all this didn't make sense, please read the "butterfly story", it might help you see better.. It helped me.. :)

"From underneath the trees,

we watch the sky

Confusing stars for satellites

I never dreamed that you'd be mine

But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried

If everyone loved and nobody lied

If everyone shared and swallowed their pride

Then we'd see the day when nobody died

And in the air the fireflies

Our only light in paradise

We'll show the world they were wrong

And teach them all to sing along

And as we lie beneath the stars

We realize how small we are

If they could love like you and me

Imagine what the world could be"

~ Nickelback ~

Our rides..

2009-08-07T14:47:00.016+03:00

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I thought I can steer my wheels,

& that I could never change my reels..

Thought my speed was enough for me,

& happiness can't be more than climbing a tree..

I was fine with all my surrounding mazes,

places, races and all familiar & unfamiliar-faces..

I didn't think that whatever it is that's missing,

Would change this human-annoying-dissing..

But then, he took me in a ride,

to a faraway land where no one would collide..

Where all the colors change their names,

and kids play all new games..

And music is never too loud,

& never too low in sound..

And fears shrink through the way,

& love grows wherever it may lay..

And no one there ever goes stray;

for the love of God there, is shown in every way..

And he promised me with no end to our ride,

& together we'll always, always coincide..

And I promised him we'll only do what's right,

only 'cuz he's my light, & I'll be his delight <3

when i becomes US <3

2009-08-02T20:52:00.008+03:00

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With every passing wind and flying bird I find roads within myself that I’ve never taken before.. For the past couple of months I felt so lost and was so longing to something that I never knew the name to.. Longing to a feeling that I’ve never felt before.. Longing to a bliss that’d be too much for me to take.. Longing for a state so high that’s never been heard of.. And I slept.. I slept and dreamt.. And with those dreams my loneliness grew larger.. Larger than one can take.. You see when you live a life different than the one you’re dreaming of, your pains will grow louder, that your ears would hurt.. And that noise telling you to come down to earth and not to look up is so frightening.. However, I looked up and prayed.. And when praying, one might be unsure, but I was sure, not of me, but of Him, your Master & mine.. Your Giver.. The Most Giving.. The Highest of all.. I was, am and always will be sure of His nearness.. He’s so close, close that you might not feel the evil of your very self because of His Protection; a Protection that saves you from your own self..

And……… And…………… Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand my prayers were answered! My prayers, MINE! Small li’l me! God Heard my prayers & Answered them.. And Gave me so much more than I’ve ever dreamt of.. Now I see everything around me with a smile that comes from the small happy heart of mine.. Ya Allah, it just feels so right.. It feels so good.. It feels fresh and new yet as familiar as the back of my own hands.. It’s too strong yet too smooth.. Too fast, yet stopped all my tick tacks.. It melted my heart and reshaped it into a bigger one carrying so much more dreams and wishes filled with overwhelming love that exceeds all limits known to man.. It gave me big fluffy wings and carried me to a place that no one has found yet.. A cozy place created just for me to fly through while being protected from all harm, God Be Willing.. I feel safe, found, seen, clear, complete, light, sheltered and loved.. Above all, I am so thankful, that it hurts inside.. T H A N K F U L to the power of infinity.. I wish I can share my emotions with all mankind.. I wish I can let everyone taste this.. I wish I’d give my heart out and let y’all know that when love is divided, it grows & never goes less..It’s multiplied.. If you just let yourself be.. Be what you gotta be while being satisfied with whatever comes your way.. And give.. Give with all your heart and you shall never lose.. You only lose when you look for what you don’t have.. Guys, we have so many things that we can’t see.. Our souls, hearts, minds & bodies should always serve a purpose that’s higher than all tangible things.. It’s the worst mistake ever looking “outside”, we should look “inside”, it’s a wonderland in here guys.. Like he said: “It’s like looking through that tiny needle’s hole” :) It’s so tiny, but then looking through it; you’d see so many things you never thought you’d see through this insignificant hole..

~

You are my wonderland..

Thank you for finding me..

And thanks for being the one..

B L E S S ~ Y O U R ~ H E A R T <3

~

"Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking 'round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies
And it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feelin' like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied
Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right
So I'll say why don't you and I get together
And take on the world, be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other, fly to the moon
And straight on to heaven
‘Cuz without you they're never gonna let me in"

~ Santana ~

wahakathadunia....

2009-06-20T19:13:00.004+03:00

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Oh, how I miss writing here! How I miss me being here! How I love it here.. And how I love you all! You’d think I’m crazy if you only know how much I cherish this place! A big hello to all of you dear people.. You’re always on my mind & never do I forget you.. I hope you’ve all been alright & life has not been so harsh with you as it has been with me..

Last time I was here was on the 29th of March, 2009.. The very day that was followed by the last day of Giddo’s (grandpa’s) life on this earth.. On the 30th of March, 2009, someone, almost all of you know nothing about left all his loved ones and took his last breath.. His leaving left us with this wound that not time nor place could mend.. I still didn’t cry as much as I want to.. Too many tears are locked up not letting me be.. Until now, I haven’t taken my breath in the normal manner that I’ve always been used to.. Until now, there’s this sad beat in my heart that wakes me up in the middle of the night with this deep sorrow that no wind can change.. The earth now has hugged him back not allowing me nor anyone else to see him or get any of his blessings.. I walk on the very same earth with the thought of him being under there & me doing nothing that could bring him back, not for a moment..

My feelings can never be explained.. Since the last day I’ve been here, I’ve become a sadder person.. This deep hole found its place in my broken heart.. I’ve tried to heal me and get the old me back, but it never worked! Words are all meaningless now.. I knew it was his time.. I knew he HAD to leave.. I knew it from before, but didn’t really prepare myself for it.. He means a lot to me.. He embodies everything a man should be.. I wish I could tell all the men out there how to learn from him, but I just can’t.. What really hurts the most, is the way he looked out for me.. He loved me in this special way and saw me the way no other did!

Before leaving he called out my name, do I deserve that? I’m so hurt, this ache doesn’t go away.. I don’t want to go there and see his place empty.. I don’t want to have kids that don’t grow up having him around, with his firm catch holding them back from ever falling.. I don’t want to smile knowing he’s too far away and won’t smile with me..

His tree is still growing.. I wonder if it feels his absence.. I wanna scream and let the whole world know, this man ain’t coming back.. You lost world! You lost big time! Nothing can make up for this loss!

Dunno if I'm selfish, but I just wish you were here.. I love you giddo.. Enta habeeby.. Remember ya giddo how you used to ask me, “habebty?”? Aywa ya giddo, ana habebtak wy enta habeeby.. Habeeby ya giddo..

I LOVE YOU MOM <3

2009-03-29T20:24:00.007+02:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SO VERY MUCH <3

bonne nu*it

2009-03-26T18:15:00.014+02:00

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Thank You God for the rain :) And sorry for asking for too many things, but who else would I turn to other than You? Who truly listens other than You? Thank You for the rain Ya Lateef <3........ (I hope it rained where you are RR..)

I want to ask everyone in this world: What does really really matter to you?.. Like really? What is it that takes hold of your heart, your mind, your everything? If you're not sure of your answer, then please please please consider looking for one..

*nighty* *night*

"shoofo ezay...."

P.S. I love it when teta says "nighty night" to me :) Missing you tatoot <3

--- --- --- ----- ---- -- ---

2009-03-23T17:18:00.003+02:00

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So, here I am, writing this NOT from the very lovely place that I begged to get to :@ Anyhow, I'm so mad at almost everyone now, so bear with me.. I'm surrounded by a couple of people who don't even know how to talk to each other! They don't listen to or talk or enjoy interacting with one another! I really feel sorry for them.. For living more than half their lives AVOIDING others instead of loving them! I personally, have to fill in so many blanks nowadays.. We're living a life of masks, tricks & lies now.. No more black and white, or good & bad.. It's all a big puzzle that hardly gets solved.. I'll never forget that day in the subway, when I sat for like 10 minutes across from two mute people.. They were smiling & laughing so hard & didn't stop 'talking' for a second.. They were enjoying every moment together in an unbelievable peace.. I wish them peace all throughout their lives and wish others could learn from them.. Learn how to TALK to one another..

"I am part of a lost generation...."

G I M M E A B R E A K !

2009-03-15T15:09:00.007+02:00

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I AM SO WORN OUT! YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE! Yalla, fly me away! Take me somewhere where it's all flowers, birds, light, vanilla, laughter, clouds, love, care, appreciation, acceptance, mercy, & a lotta flying.. Oh, a lot of the latter! Please? Will ya? NOW NOW NOW, or else :'(

n o i s s u c r e p

2009-03-06T16:46:00.006+02:00

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Yeah, I'm crazy like that, SUE ME!

I wrote a long letter & threw it off the window without a sender's/receiver's name!

I was sooooooooooooo happy this morning for only sitting by the window & having my coffee & mama's yummy pineapple cake while being nourished with Abu Dhabi's GREAT OCEAN BREEZES!

I have been talking to myself through out the past couple of days!

I walk fast, ALWAYS!

I've rejected GREAT marriage proposals; 'cuz I didn't feel IT yet.. IT that I know nothing about & not sure if it exists in the first place!

I sleep EARLY, like babies!

I eat FAST!

I write words with my forefinger on the air or on anything, when they mean so much to me!

Percussion sounds so powerful to me that it could give me goosebumps & make me cry at times!

The sun always makes me happy!

I loved how the kids came to my desk to check on me every few minutes all through the parents/teachers meeting that was held last night, together we laughed & made fun (an allowed fun) ;)

I drive SO FAST, it's not even funny! (baba, you're not reading this, right?)

A picture can make my day!

And another can give me nightmares!

I can't comprehend the ability of one being stingy! JUST CAN'T!

Sometimes I think ALL THIS ain't real! And when I was a kid, I thought my life wasn't REAL! Always thought that there must be MORE to it!

I'm tired of talking about me now :)

MY shatir hassan :D

2009-03-01T14:55:00.005+02:00

(credits)

I really really wish

Mahmoud El Esseily

could sing a song for:

MY shatir hassan :$

missing you sis <3

2009-02-28T11:21:00.007+02:00

(image's source)

"Both on one sampler, sitting on one cushion,

Both warbling of one song, both in one key,

As if our hands, our sides, voices and minds,

Had been incorporate. So we grow together,

Like to a double cherry, seeming parted,

But yet an union in partition;

Two lovely berries moulded on one stem;

So, with two seeming bodies, but one heart;

Two of the first, like coats in heraldry,

Due but to one and crowned with one crest."

~ By William Shakespeare ~

S E M A N T I C S

2009-02-28T07:16:00.011+02:00

I've been tagged by Jasmina :) The rules for this tag are:

1) Find your fifth photo file folder, then the fifth photo in that file folder.

2) Post the picture on your blog.

3) Tag five other bloggers to do the same.

So here's what I found:

This is St. Elias Antiochian Orthodox Cathedral, a beautifully built church near our house in Ottawa that I fell in love with (structure wise).. I planned to visit this church, but never got the chance to.. I love churches' structures in general! Oh God, in Cairo, there are these wonderful churches that are very charming to the eye.. And mosques, castles, palaces, & old houses too.. Oh how I LOVE old structures with high ceilings.. And how I love people who stand just like those old structures, strong & fearless.. Not caring about how strong the wind will be or how cold or hot it might get.. They just stand tall facing all that comes their way..

I was just discussing the matter of dealing & trusting people of different beliefs last night.. I thank God for being raised in a family & in a place where there are no limits to relationships between people coming from TOTALLY different backgrounds.. It opens your heart & mind to all beautiful possibilities that make our world a better one.. FOR REAL! I personally, have always been with people who come from different cultures & belief systems & enjoyed the similarities we have in common & learned from our differences.. I wish more people could understand the beauty of "KNOWING ONE ANOTHER" as The Lord of the worlds says..

And now, I'll tag:

His Sweeetheart

Maroo

Princess N

Restful Rain

"I love the language of faiths. It makes me closer to God, my Lord. Learning about other truths has made my own Truth much clearer and dearer to me. My experiences has lead me beyond the bounds of tolerance to embrace the true meaning of pluralism in our society." ~By Organica ~

Soul, Heart, Mind & Body..

(: here's to growing together :)

"On The Run"

"Una palabra no dice nada....

~ M O M ~

T o G e t H e r

Sama :)

LYKYS

My Sunlight :)

* y o u r s *

w o r d s l i k e s w o r d s

p r e t e n d ?

~ s a f e t y ~

~ a m a n a h ~

The Cold Shoulder :(

Seek The Everlasting Mercy :)

"Choux Pastry Heart"

s e r u t r a p e d

R I D E A U < 3

Deliquesce :)

Where's my mug?

*Sprained Ankle*

18 / 7

"Listen"

Blessed for teaching <3

~ possessives ~

:'(

In the eyes of who?

"Dreams of a Journey"

Carl <3 Ellie

For The Love <3

G I V I N G B A C K

SHE'S NOT SCARED ;)

How can you say no!

He only likes her when she gives him cookies :(

"See you on real!!"

Goodbye 2009!

Abu Zikry :D

SPLAAAAAAAAAASH :D

Una palabra..

Oh Yes, YOU CAN :)

Take Chances :)

I'll fly you balloons :')

Are you?

Drop Like A Rock..

"Sisters are......

"What's this life for?"

~ h a z y ~

Umm Zahra (f)

Take me there......

When you go car-washing.....

T H E B E A C H :D

Her Daddy's Song :')

*w*i*s*h*e*s*

"Is this gonna be forever?"

Morning's breeze..

h e a r t l e s s

His Secret..

The Color Of Light..

With his cousins: "waiting...."

"Joy Of Learning Through PLAY"

~ s o r e l y ~

MmmMmmMmmMmm..

First Friday In October :D

F L U F F Y <3

M A G I C

His Batta <3

*lovely thought*

I m p e n e t r a b l e

I only wanted to....

Salt Of Life..

"That pill that they call pride.."

U K H T Y <3

I m i s s . . . . . .

C u b e - C u b o i d

c h e r i s h

~ Hanging On By A Thread ~

Al Khaliq :)

Silent Sunlight :)

L i g h t U p

Sprained Ankle

wishes*

lovely thought

bonne nu*it