:(

 



To Cindy, With Love..

 

Cindy dear Cindy,

How are you? Hope you’re feeling good reading this.. Do you have any idea what you mean to me? This is to tell you and the world what you are to me……  :)

Years and years ago, when I first became a blogger, I started reading about you, your thoughts, feelings, dreams, passion and all, and guess what? I wished to someday come close only a bit close to how you are like; the writer you, the believer you, the activist you, the passionate you, the artistic you, the photographer you, the warm you, the organic you, the cook you, the neat you, just the very lovely you.. I don’t even know if you remember that I’ve emailed you wishing to hook you up with my bro, but he happens to be younger than you.. I felt your every word, every recipe, every dream, every picture, every share, every action, every sorrow, simply your everything..

Years passed, and my blogging went way less and I got so caught up with my life and my baby girl, but never did I EVER stop reading you.. And my admiration for you never went less.. And that day you said you’ll no longer write, my heart broke, ‘cuz there’s only ONE Organica in this world, and I didn’t want to lose touch with her..

After long months, that morning, after I’ve put Noona (my baby girl) to sleep for the millionth time, when I read your “No longer Muslim” post on my phone, I broke down in tears.. Wallahy cried my heart out and went into a bit of a depression for a few days and wanted to post a post for you, and never knew from where to start..

Today, on one of my toughest days, where I’m starting to toilet train Noona, with all the pee and poop and cleaning and all, I’m stealing time for you, to tell you lovingly:

Habebty, I wish Noona has a lot of what you have, and wish you’d know how special you are in my life and I’m sure many others.. Cindy habebty, wahidy Allah, He’s all you got, don’t lose that, don’t lose you.. I really don’t want you to be what YOU don’t want to be, trust me you don’t.. How could you trust me, you don’t even know me.. But wallahy I love you and know you well (if all you wrote was true), I really really know you..

Cindy billah ‘aleiky wahidy Allah and bloom yo! Don’t do this to me, to you, to humanity.. Yes humanity! You touched so many souls out there, and still do and I want you to take me higher like always.. Ha? You hate me? Billah ‘aleiky ya ahla Cindy out there, chill yo! Please?! Cindyyyyyyyy, Organicaaaaaaa Habebtyyyyyyy pleeeeeease………

Ah, ya Allah! I don’t know what to say! I just love you so much, admire you so much, and I am no preacher, I don’t pray on time sometimes, I’m such a terrible Muslim girl, bas I love you!

Please, don't be upset by anything I said, this is a love note, not more or less..

 

Respectfully,

One of your biggest fans :)

"Hummy"

 

"Hummy" is kookoo's way of saying "hug me" :) That was the last thing she asked me last night before going to sleep.. It's her first time saying it out loud.. Usually she asks for it by stretching her arms out for me to hug her.. Baby girl! She's a big girl now, expressing her needs out loud..

 

Gosh how hard it's been her not talking when she was younger and me never knowing what's bothering her or what she needed.. Now she babbles, sometimes clearly for me to understand, and at times it gets so difficult for me to get her.. And poor girl, she keeps on saying it and me not getting it for quite some time! "Mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama......" and she never gives up! Ah!

 

I love this pic of hers, in Yas Island, Nov. 2012, the weather was perfect, and it was an amazing day with amazing people.. Ya Allah, how hard it's become now for one to get all the people they love at the same time in the place they love.. I for one used to say I would never get married or even engaged without my close family members being all present, and here I went, got engaged, got married, had Noona, without my brother being present! Life is so much different when it comes to the real "it".. You plan and say all you want, but when it comes to real life, it doesn't always go your way.. I remember back in the teachers' room how amazed I was when a fellow teacher said that her mom couldn't make it to her wedding 'cuz of her sickness, and how the teacher never changed her wedding's date and made it without her mom! I was amazed, and yet, I've done the same thing!

 

How I miss you Brohy, how I wish you would have met husbandy and my babygirl.. I pray for this day to come soon and God would unite us all.. I feel that if husbandy sees you, he'd get to know me more..

 

World, enjoy every moment and never say never, life is too short and way too unexpected for us to plan it ALL.. Planning is needed, but it can never be perfect.. Less regretting, and more pessimism would make the sun come through our windows and break the ice..

 

And with Barney's "Mr. Sun" playing in the background I leave you peacefully, praying for light to fill the hearts of my loved ones and all the people around the world, amen.

 

And a special prayer for my li'l one:

 

Baby,

You don't have to be number one in the universe, You just have to be yourself and be your own number one in all you do.. "Ihsan" (i.e. perfection) is relative, so be the best you can with your own version of "ihsan", and that'd be what you're created for.. Laloo babygirl :D

 

Peace out :)

 

p.s. "Laloo" is Pateety's way of saying "i love you" :)

"surka"

 

"Surka" is Noona's way of saying "circle".. Noona is Zeina, my 21 months old babygirl.. She was babbling in her sleep last night: "surka surka", how cute is that! Her dreams and nightmares are all bubbly, circly, and maybe squary at times..

~

It's been a fun tough very very hectic ride since she was born.. I've been going round in cirlcles of feeding, changing nappies, hospitals,................ And here we go, as I was typing these words, she bumped her forehead into the table's edge :'( God how hard this is! I think it's me, I need to change as a mom.. I wanna get back to writing, sharing all about my life with her, learn more by reading more, and enjoy a bit more and lay back.. Enlightenment for myself and others is urgently needed! The extra weight, the load, the quick prayers, the worry, the sorrows, the running in surkas.. I need to get back to the straight line, to find a better way, a better me, for a better them..

~

So, Bahrain, that's where I am, and what a kingdom this is! You can't tell if it's a rich country or not.. The BD is worth around 10 AED, but yet in the UAE things are way "richer"(if I may say) than over here.. I dunno if a country's currency states its economical situation or not, but for a Gulf country, I expected more.. I've met Bahrainis in the mosque nearby, and they seemed like very kind sweet Muslims.. It was the first time for me to take Noona and go for a class, and it went pretty fine.. You can take your baby, but while making sure to keep 'em busy.. I swear I've stopped while typing this for about 10 times! But it's a start!

 ~

~

"You can throw your hands up
You can be the clock
You can move a mountain
You can break rocks
You can be a master
Don't wait for luck
Dedicate yourself and you can find yourself"

~ The Script ~ 

Mommy!

I am a wife.. I am a mom.. It all happened so quick.. Met the guy of my dreams.. Fell in love.. Got married.. Became a wife.. And now a mom.. this pic you see up here is what I got mom a few years ago.. I was the li'l girl in the pic.. And now.. Now I'm both, the li'l girl; the daughter and the mommy.. How, when, where..... I dunno.. It's the hardest job I've ever had.. Being a mommy.. I've been so busy being a mom, that I forgot all about being me.. Or is being me being a mom.. Yeah, I guess that's it.. A new me, that involves being a mom.. I'm writing this for me, before anyone else.. To tell myself out loud hey, it's a new me.. A new Sara.. Umm Zeina.. In other words, Umm Noona :) I don't have to only be Umm Noona and forget about me, I can be both, me and Umm Noona.. It's a bigger blessing than I could imagine.. Alhamdulillah :)

Noona is now 15 months old mashaAllah.. And I'm starting to wake up, and have sometime to believe, see and do.. It hit me first time when she started a few days ago calling me "mama" and "mommy".. All the hard work came to a beautiful outcome.. WOW! I've been seriously taking it so seriously, especially that I've been raising her half the time on my own with her daddy being away (to make our lives better, may Allah bless him and keep him safe for us, amen), and all the time without the help of my mom.. I forget to take pics like I always wanted.. Missed recording her first words.. I've been so busy being busy with her.. Maybe I'm slow, but it's all I could do..

NOW.. Now I need to start over.. I need to lay back a bit, watch her, and enjoy her and do all the things I've always wanted to do.. How I wanna let her walk on the green grass and help her not being scared of it like me.. Wanna see her laugh and never fall ill.. She's had a good share of hospitals and being sick.. Oh Allah, please keep her safe for us, my flower, my baby, amen :)

How I miss reading, writing, taking pics, goin in the sun.. Is it just me, or are there moms just like me.. I pray I'd do what's right, all her way long, and let her be our road to heaven, a lovely flower in this world, making it a better place, amen :)

I've missed you bloggy.. Peace out :)

P.S. To the best mom ever, I wish to be like you, I know it's hard, but I'm trying.. Love you mommy! Tatu :) (Noona's way of saying thank you ;)

(: here's to growing together :)

Remember when you saw this piece,
And said it’s written for us,
“It’s pointing at our little present,
That’s made just for us”..
Today as we grow together,
And you turn to this number you fear,
And tell me you’ve done nothing,
And refuse from me to hear..
Well here I am going to say,
The things you won’t approve of today,
So please try to believe me,
And not just read in dismay..
Knighty, oh my knightiest knight,
This day I say what’s right,
You’re The One whom have lightened my life,
And filled it with love, grace and lovely things in sight,
You were the one they all turned to,
After being the one with the very tightened shoe,
You were always chasing peace,
And tried all roads to say the least,
You’re life is like the spaghetti you love,
Quick, slippery, & saucy full of stuff,
Tangled, knotted, twisted & limitless,
Packed in a suitcase and shown in your fists,
Your presence is light just like your soul,
And adds comfort with one sentence roll,
You worry and care and try to always be fair,
And what you got you always share,
Trust me I’m not here to complement,
Or make you happy with words, its feelings that are meant,
To let you know that you’ve done much,
To my world, and others that are a bunch,
God only Knows the warmth you bring along,
And how much of His few good men you dream to become,
Today you’re a day older, with others who carry your name,
Others who always want to with you play this life game,
And be your comfort, your home, your delight, and honor for you,
Be your joy, this little something special, made just for you..

"On The Run"

(picture's source)

~

Hello bloggy, hello world,

~
Our worlds seem to be very similar, they’re always On The Run.. We’re always out of time, always planning to put things first and postpone others.. I just wanted to take a stop and ponder upon the fact that being on the run is never an excuse to postpone things that matter first..
~

We just lost a young life recently and none of us seemed to be ready to face such a thing.. It’s hard to see death so close and not freak out.. Don’t know why, but my fear of losing my loved ones grows every day of my life and beats all of my other fears.. Death is so close, but we tend to not want to see it coming our direction.. We subconsciencly push our fears away and are never ready to face ‘em..

~
I ask God to grant me and my loved ones and all of humanity compassion and strength to face what we don’t want to face.. There’s a very lovely prayer dear Mama asks for every now and then:
“Allahuma ij’alna ‘abeed ihsan, wala taj’alna ‘abeed ibtelaa’..”
“Oh God let us be slaves of your bliss, and not slaves who udergo your tests..”
AMEN!

~
May God rest A.M.’s soul in peace, and grant his family the patience until they meet with him in a far better place and us all, amen..

~
P.S. “On The Run” is the name of all the mini cafes that you’d find at most of the gas stations here in Egypt (how I miss my Oasis, sighs..)..