* Purple Smoke Tree *

As we were watching this old lady talk today, mama remembered her grandma's smell.. Her grandma passed away over twenty something years ago & all of a sudden her smell was all around mum.. She drifted & remembered 'em old days.. I started thinking: Oh Dear God, will I reach a point in time where I'll be in loss of my loved ones! God, no please, no!

I hardly ever walk alone, but today was one of 'em rare days.. It was getting darker & darker & I pushed myself to.. The sky was reddish black, the moon half shiny, the tree leaves dancing along with the push of the light breezes & the world looking sadder than ever.. My skirt was floating along with me & my feet were fighting against gravity.. I was trying to think of all positive things; I started my walk with tens of "alhamdulillah"s, but loneliness was all I was thinking about.. What if I'll have to walk down this road all alone? What if I'm forced to? What if, what if?

God, why am I toooooo much? I'm always toooooo much! My chest tightens with all those feelings.. Do others feel as much as I do? And if they do, why am I seeing cold cold hearts everywhere? I wish I was just a li'l bit less.. Just a li'l..

This purple smoke tree is too beautiful, ain't it? Do you see it as I do? Do you feel it as I do? Why do people see differently? I mean, I know why, but don't you sometimes need to see together? Feel together? Well, I do..

I'm going to watch The Celestine Prophecy before reading it, is that okay Abdo? I found the movie before the book! Without even looking for it, it was right there before my eyes! Ain't it funny how you bump into things? And isn't even funnier how you look for things & other things come up?