Saturday, June 20, 2009

wahakathadunia....

(picture's source)

~

Oh, how I miss writing here! How I miss me being here! How I love it here.. And how I love you all! You’d think I’m crazy if you only know how much I cherish this place! A big hello to all of you dear people.. You’re always on my mind & never do I forget you.. I hope you’ve all been alright & life has not been so harsh with you as it has been with me..

Last time I was here was on the 29th of March, 2009.. The very day that was followed by the last day of Giddo’s (grandpa’s) life on this earth.. On the 30th of March, 2009, someone, almost all of you know nothing about left all his loved ones and took his last breath.. His leaving left us with this wound that not time nor place could mend.. I still didn’t cry as much as I want to.. Too many tears are locked up not letting me be.. Until now, I haven’t taken my breath in the normal manner that I’ve always been used to.. Until now, there’s this sad beat in my heart that wakes me up in the middle of the night with this deep sorrow that no wind can change.. The earth now has hugged him back not allowing me nor anyone else to see him or get any of his blessings.. I walk on the very same earth with the thought of him being under there & me doing nothing that could bring him back, not for a moment..

My feelings can never be explained.. Since the last day I’ve been here, I’ve become a sadder person.. This deep hole found its place in my broken heart.. I’ve tried to heal me and get the old me back, but it never worked! Words are all meaningless now.. I knew it was his time.. I knew he HAD to leave.. I knew it from before, but didn’t really prepare myself for it.. He means a lot to me.. He embodies everything a man should be.. I wish I could tell all the men out there how to learn from him, but I just can’t.. What really hurts the most, is the way he looked out for me.. He loved me in this special way and saw me the way no other did!

Before leaving he called out my name, do I deserve that? I’m so hurt, this ache doesn’t go away.. I don’t want to go there and see his place empty.. I don’t want to have kids that don’t grow up having him around, with his firm catch holding them back from ever falling.. I don’t want to smile knowing he’s too far away and won’t smile with me..

His tree is still growing.. I wonder if it feels his absence.. I wanna scream and let the whole world know, this man ain’t coming back.. You lost world! You lost big time! Nothing can make up for this loss!

Dunno if I'm selfish, but I just wish you were here.. I love you giddo.. Enta habeeby.. Remember ya giddo how you used to ask me, “habebty?”? Aywa ya giddo, ana habebtak wy enta habeeby.. Habeeby ya giddo..

17 comments:

UmmBlog said...

As salaamu alaykum.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon.

May Allah forgive your grandpa and have Mercy on him, ameen...

Be an on-going charity for him, let his good deeds live among us in this world...

Hicham said...

Inna lillah wa inna ilayhe rajoon.

I know exactly what how it feels since I lost My Giddoo when I was in my teengage. He also used to plant some trees and we stil take care of it.

It seems that he's the one who raised you up more than mom/dad and it seems like all grandpas are the same everywhere, Sarah!

Allah yeghfr lahom jameaan!

Restful Rain said...

He loves you...He called your name...
now he is there and you are here...
you know he still call your name;
to remember him in a prayer in a loaf of bread, a bottle of water you give to the needy...
عن عبد الله بن عباس قال :
قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : "
ما الميت في القبر إلا كالغريق المتغوث
ينتظر دعوة تلحقه من أب أو أم أو أخ أو صديق
فإذا لحقته كان أحب إليه من الدنيا وما فيها وإن
الله تعالى ليدخل على أهل القبور من دعاء أهل
الأرض أمثال الجبال وإن هدية الأحياء إلى الأموات
الاستغفار لهم " . رواه البيهقي في شعب الإيمان
اللهم أجعله من المقربين في جنة النعيم و ألهم أهله الصبر و السلوان...آمين

Anonymous said...

Rabena yerhamoo oo yesabarek u and ur family...know he is in a better place...may Allah showers His mercy on him and forgive him ameen ya rab..keep him in ur du3a'..

help2ilmsummit said...

As Salamu alaykum wa rahmathullah,

Firstly I ask forgiveness if this post/comment offends you/concept of ur website. I am a muslimah who has been

accepted to IlmSummit 2009 and in desperate need of financial aid. Pl help me either by supporting financially

/spreading the word insha Allah. Pls visit-- http://help2ilmsummit.wordpress.com/ for sadaqa -e jariya insha ALlah. I
pray that Allah make it easy and beneficial for all the Ummah bi'idhnillah. Jazakumullah Khayr.

wa Salam,
Sister in Islam

sara said...

UmmBlog,
Alaiky assalam.. Amen honey..

Hicham,
He did more than raising me Hicham, he's so special, and waAllahy not 'cuz of him being MY grandpa, waAllahy no, he's bigad special..

RR,
habebty enty, thank you <3

Anon,
thanks..

His Sweetheart said...

*hugs*

Trust me when I tell you that time will heal everything. I have been through lots and lots and lots of unexpected death accidents in my family.

Allah yer7mah br7metah

My heart goes for you!

JASMINA said...

Assalamu alaikum Saretta :),

oh,how I was missing you!!!I thought you will never come back.
I am only sorry that you came back with such a sad news.I send you a strong hug.
I know,it must be so difficult for you.I wish I could just erase your sadness!
Try to be strong and trust in your heart,because that one never forgets the ones we loved.You will carry your grandfather with you forever and through you your children will know him.

Much love from Italy (this time) where the weather is cloudy ;).I'll be waiting for your new posts.

Love my dear Saretta =)

Hicham said...

Yeah I know what you mean; it's because he is. Allah yer7amhom jame3an and all the dead.

Small Blue Thing said...

Assalaamu Alaiky wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu...

See? If anyone starts to comment to you by wishing you the best, the very best, isn't it because Allah inspires us to say it?

Your grandpa (may God had mercy upon him) called you because of he loved you, I'm sure. But besides because Allah put your name in his breath. Don't forget, my sis.

Shahrazad said...

If he's left such a good mark on you and others, if his footsteps are still carved in the land's memories, dear your Giddo is in a more beautiful place right now Inshallah.

Allah y9abbarkum!

P.S: Keep blogging :)

Anonymous said...

Allah Yerhamo Sara... reading this makes me feel so touched.. I don't know what to say :( Sara, I love you and I'm always here for you... I called lulu that time.. I should've talked to you too and aunti.. I feel horrible... I hope you can forgive me :( Sara, He was a great person. Always smiling, very kind wallahy.

Ya Sara.. I'm hating myself right now.. :(
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART:(

- Sally

JASMINA said...

Assalamu alaikum my dear Sara,

I love you and miss you so much.You really are always in my thoughts and I hope you are doing better.
I am waiting for you with a hug,a very warm one.
XOXOXO

JASMINA said...

Hi my sweet Saretta :),

it's me again!I just wanted to let you know,that you're an adorable sweetheart =),in case you didn't know :)...
For details,please check my BLOG.

Jawwad said...

May he rest in peace ... I know it's hard but inshAllah you'll be a brave and strong woman and come through

Momekh said...

Sister, salaams,

Please do write often. Writing as a form of expression, is one of the best things you can do, to not only your readers, but to you yourself as well, God willing. Just let the noise arrange itself and watch people call it music.


You've got to bring the beat back.

God bless and good luck

sara said...

HSH,
Thank you sooooo much sweetie <3
*hugs*

Jasmina/Natasha,
alaiky assalam hun :)
still in Italy?

Hicham,
Ameeeeen :)

Deeeeeeeeeearest,
I LOOOOOOOVE him :'(
Ara, do you know thjat he loved you too?
:)
*squashyhug*

Shahrazad,
THANK YOU <3

Sals,
Thank you so much for being there through it all, LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH SALLOOOOOOLLYYYYYYYY <3

Jawwad,
Thank you so much :)

Mo,
Bless your heart.. Wallahi your message is one of the warmest I got! Thanks a million, and hope you & yours are in the best state of faith and health, amen :)
THANKSAGAIN!





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