Sunday, August 31, 2008

Seeing the same crescent, finally :D

(picture's source)

You know how you wake up sometimes with a certain rhythm playing through your mind or words floating along? Well, I’ve been up with these almost every morning now.. Yesterday, I woke up with “Aljanatu haq, wannaru haq” on my mind! I woke up saying it!!!!!!!!! And today, I woke up with daddy’s comforting voice singing to my heart the beautiful egyptian lullaby: “baba habeeby Allah yekhalih, yetawil omro we (dunno what :$ ), gably aroosa we akhooya hosan, shee ya hosan, orosy ya aroosa orosy ya aroosa..” :)

I still remember my doll in her beautiful big pink gown dancing round & round.. I really don’t know where it went! Babaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :’(

And yeah, I’ve been quite down for the past few days, no; weeks, & something really really cute made me happy from the inside out.. Bro (
a year & a half younger than me, but I always feel that he’s older.. I throw everything difficult on him & he just magically makes it a whole lot easier!) stood in the house, on top of the stairs & said in the loudest voice, & in the most beautiful arabic accent: The prophet salla Allahu 'alaihy wa sallam said:Indeed amazing are the affairs of a believer! They are all for his benefit. If he is granted ease of living he is thankful; and this is best for him. And if he is afflicted with a hardship, he perseveres; and this is best or him.”.. I couldn’t but run upstairs & squash him reeeeeeeeal hard! Thank you bro! I love you <3

If you noticed, rasulu Allah salla Allahu 'alaihy wasallam didn't say the affairs of a 'muslim', he said of a 'believer'.. May we be amongst the believers.. Amen.

This will be my prayer for this Ramadan; being amongst the believers.. Wait a minute, did I say Ramadan? Ramadan as in Ramadan? Like I lived another year & will be blessed inshaAllah to live another brand new Ramadan & meet with that night, the one worth a thousand nights? What?

** Ramadan kareem, mubarak, happy & accepted everyone :D **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~** And my invitation is still on **




P.S. This is for arabs, I wish there was an english version to it..

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Her green peas..

(picture's source)

Another sad day,
Just another sad day..

What is joy anyway,
In a world without one love ray..

My dear tante is getting sick,
And her green pea is not ref-lec-ting..

Even light is changing,
Not as bright & slowly fading..

I’m sure those peas of her,
Were only used in all that’s fair..

And so they’ll be her light up there,
Making her smile in between them stares..

Monday, August 25, 2008

m y w a y

(picture's source)

"Missing" goes a loooooong way for me.. Long way! The problem with missing now is that with the new technology, you get to face the ones your missing, hear them, see them & get affected by that more than if you don't..

Back in the old days, words were carried for days & days along with that breath of life blown down to you from your beloved ones.. Now.. Now is always different.. Why do I always feel that 'now' has/will never been mine anyway? Never will it be 'my way'..

And this was for missing the ones you've seen & known already.. The others you haven't, oh well, that's a different story!

I miss you :(

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


(picture's source)

I missed fajr again today :( Something bad has to always happen in my day when fajr is missed! SubhanAllah.. Forgive me ya Allah!

It's pretty scary how we understand & yet.. And yet act as fools.. The situation is always: I 'know', but I 'don't' (don't do, don't say, whatever 'don't' you may) :(

The weather has been acting as crazy as I've been feeling lately.. It's always like that with me by the way.. Weather goes side by side with my mood! What's even funnier is that today, I've been having this electrical spark with anything metal I touch! LOL! Talking of crazy!

I took this really beautiful picture of the tree branches that I see from my room's window every morning.. So I'll leave your imagination to take you to those beautiful leaves with the very white cotton clouds as their background.. At night, when the chilly wind blows, gosh, it gets a li'l scary :$

I pray that we all could find the best of us, while we're still here.. Amen.


"Friday night I'm going nowhere

All the lights are changing green to red

Turning over TV stations

Situations running through my head

Looking back through time

You know it's clear that I've been blind

I've been a fool

To open up my heart

To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild

And all the lights are changing red to green

Moving through the crowds I'm pushing

Chemicals all rushing in my bloodstream

Only wish that you were here

You know I'm seeing it so clear

I've been afraid

To show you how I really feel

Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

Sunday all the lights of London

Shining , Sky is fading red to blue

I'm kicking through the Autumn leaves

And wondering where it is you might be going to

Turning back for home

You know I'm feeling so alone

I can't believe

Climbing on the stair

I turn around to see you smiling there

In front of me"


~ Babylon - David Gray ~


A li'l update: Didn't I say something bad has to happen when I miss fajr? Today's fajr, something so weird happened that was going to end my life.. I missed fajr for the past two days & so I believe I got a li'l 'push'.. I didn't get scared alhamduliLlah, but the pain was unbearable.. Well, I woke up, just minutes before my alarm went off, to a very life-threatening allergy; that caused my breathing to almost stop! I didn't eat anything new or do anything weird! My throat was almost blocked, my eyes so red & puffy (just as beautiful as Hitch's ;) ), making me barely see, while itching me like never before, & my nose running nonstop! Unable to breathe, I thought I was gonna die.. Didn't want to bother others, I pulled myself to prayer & then tried to get back to sleep; to get over the pain.. I wondered, when was the last time that I had ever felt so sick, but couldn't recall anything making me this weak.. It was REALLY BAD.. Gosh! It was nothing even like the appendectomy I had! Way worse!

We just can't lay back & give in to ourselves.. We gotta fight it & let our souls dance in the Light; 'cuz that's the only source of nourishment we (weak creatures) could ever get..

Puffy eyed sara


Saturday, August 16, 2008

~ la le lo ~

Us girls! Ya Allah 'aleena! We are very, very.... Umm, can't find the word today! maybe some other day? Or maybe you can help me! We're just soooo fragily complicated! And we expect to be understood! This explains a bit more :) It's sooooooooooooooooooooooooo us!
We used to ask each other when we were kids: "Would you like to be a guy?" I was almost the only girl with a big NO! I really enjoy me being me & never want to be in a guy's shoes (other than the fact that they stink ;) )!
Yeah I know we both have our complications, but, we (girlies) are cutely complicated, aren't we? The problem comes when we take away the 'cutely' part & stay with 'complicated' & ask "What's the problem? what did I do? Where did I go wrong?" :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Have a great time everyone :)

Friday, August 15, 2008


You think your hubby has got your back, fully? Think your mom does? Your daddy? Your bro? Your sis? Your friend? Your loved one? Well, you're wrong! Only He, The One with the Highest of Names, Has got your back, TOTALLY! Only Him.. The All Seeing.. The All Seeing.. The All Seeing.. Yeah, I'll keep on saying it until the morning light comes; 'cuz we tend to forget that! How I love You ya Allah! We always search for the other's love & care.. We seem to fail to understand that, us being here is a sign of being
loved in the first place.. It's being chosen.. It's fulfilling a purpose..
Today, we went out for a li'l journey, & this journey required taking the bus (which is a li'l weirdly new & rarely occurring thing for the hawanem, whom have always had their private vehicle to serve 'em wherever they went :$ ).. We knew from the start that we'll need to get another pair of tickets, while also knowing that we don't have any cash but only a visa card; which is sadly not accepted in all stations, making it a very hard mission.. So we took the only pair we got & waited for the bus at the bus stop.. And while waiting, I started remembering all the times daddy had everything ready & prepared for us from A to Z, while making sure that we'll be safe as much as can be.. I remembered that day when the puddle was huge & he carried me all the way over it; to not get myself dirty.. With a few tears in my eyes, I took out my cell phone & dialled his number to thank him for it all, but the egyptian lady machine thingy said that I can't get to talk to MY DAD, as the reception was low or something :@ I thought: "well, maybe it's best he wouldn't hear my voice this sad."..
Minutes passed & the bus came & the driver was this sweet sweet lady whom drove us to the mosque a couple of weeks earlier.. She commented (on how my sis & I looked that day), saying that we looked beautiful :) You'd never forget a person that sweet
now, would you? Anyways, we went in, greeted her & asked her if she remembered us, & she did.. And as we took the passes from her, we surprisingly found "Day Pass" written on them (i.e. we won't need to buy tickets for the whole day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), which wasn't worth the tickets we gave her.. It was worth way more than that! I went up to her & she smiled & nodded telling me that she meant it.. I wanted to prostrate right there & then thanking God & screaming at the top of my lungs telling people: HE'S WATCHING OVER US YOU GUYS! HE'S ALWAYS WATCHING OVER US! HE'S GOT OUR BACKS! He always Has & always Will :D
God Has Got my back, my daddy's, my mommy's & every single one of His creation's.. But of course, your parent's prayers are a big part of the miracle ;)

Monday, August 11, 2008

** let's **

I am going to get to heaven.. I will see the light.. I am the light.. I am pleasing Him.. I'll always make him Happy.. I'll make them happy.. I'm delight.. Delight is me: sara, & I shall always be.. Come & join me.. You'll be.. Be that beautiful one too..
You can.. You can be it..
Come on.. Let's :)

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The familiar..

I've had this very disturbing dream today.. It was about my precious golden necklace.. Well, I've been wearing it ever since I could remember.. It's three strings in one, intertwining, always causing this powerful sensation to float around me.. I dreamt that two of the three strings were disconnected & hanging only to one end, while the third string was trying hard to hang on (to both ends), but seemed worn out already.. I woke up very shaky & came back to life to the beautiful
surprise of my cherished necklace feeling just as strong as ever.. The delight I felt was beyond what words can tell.. And right there & then, I wished that every breathing soul could take the time to sense the miraculous feeling of waking up to the blessing of finding things as they are & become more grateful for finding them as it was wished for them to be.. How much of a blessing that is!

Monday, August 04, 2008

"She Said I Prefer A Broken Neck"

"She said that she would prefer a broken neck to another broken heart.
I said "Remember, even the beauty of birth leaves its own scars
And know that you will find your home right where you are."
She said, "I know it sounds cliche, but I really am just waiting to exhale."
She's not looking for a perfect man, she ain't holding out for Denzel
She's just looking for a real man, But she said "Most of the realest were in graves or in jail"
Just an upright brother, but she's left with low down brothers, homo thugs, and downlow brothers.
And it took her some time with herself to discover
That having love is even more important than having a lover
But what am I supposed to tell her?
That it's going to be okay? But it may not be.
It may be hard and ugly,
Difficult, complicated, rough and bloody
And I said, "So many women are struggling"
She said, "Yeah, I'd like a man to kiss me, I'd like a man to hug me
But he's gotta truly love love before he can truly love me"
I said, "I feel you." She said, "No, you're not feeling me.
We are women bringing up seeds,
Our own sons grow up thinking love is a disease
Ducking and dodging real relationships, and just gonna take what they please
And they treat pregnancy like it's an STD
If the test comes back positive, it's a negative
And they are ghost in the streets,
Drunk in the wind, only a moment is spent and those moments are brief
Our sons' role models are rolling stones unknown or deceased
They figure we can't teach them manhood, so they'll get grown in the streets
So in the cold world they find warmth with the men holding the heat."
I said "There's gotta be a change."
She said, "Yeah, it's gotta be more than poems on TV"
I said, "I feel you." She asked me how I survive.
I said, "By Allah, it was my mother otherwise
I would have been dead, crazy, institutionalized."
"She kept us in the good neighborhoods, even though she couldn't keep on the lights
So we could go to the best schools learning to read and to write.
Sometimes we'd be so broke, in the store, she'd have to pick between the beans and the rice.
Sometimes she'd put ketchup on a navy bean so it wouldn't seem like we're eating the same thing every night.
Two jobs during the day, and one at night.
And the stuff I saw her endure, I never wanna see my wife [endure]
So I know being a man is more than being male, and I'm focused on doing it right."
"But when I think about my childhood, I don't think about poverty
I remember how she hugged me, kissed me, taught me, loved me.
And I know you prefer a broken neck to another broken heart
Broken parts that litter the night sky like stars.
But remember, even the beauty of birth leaves its own scars
And know that you will find your home, right where you are
We will find our homes right where we are."

~ By Amir Sulaiman ~

Sunday, August 03, 2008


Your Mama's Smile :)

So, if I ask you to smile :) right now, can you do it? Please? What if I beg you? No? You can't? What if I tell you that I can see you now sitting behind that screen of yours, will that make you smile? Still? No? Not even half a smile? Even if I call out in the loudest voice ever: "Ottet elmeatateeeeeeen kollohom"? Lessa? Khales? Wala smailaya (1 smile)? Yalla, only one :) for satta :)
Isn't your mama's smile warmer than the warmest sunshine ever? Tastier than the yummiest mango? Cozier than the softest sofa? Cuter than the freshest daisy? Isn't it just as tranquil as the site of your one & only Ka'ba? As holy as fulfilling your God-given obligations? What would you do to keep that smile shining? How much would you give? How much can you take? For how long?
How hard is it to keep your loved ones happy? How hard is it to keep yourself happy? Do you have to be happy to smile? How hard is it for you to smile? How many smiling people are out there right now? And how many frowning ones? Can i, small li'l me, cause a genuine smile to come to life? Can you? You know how to? You don't? Come on, maaaaaaaan? You gotta know.. It's easy, look deep within yourself & you'll know how to.. You gotta want it.. Really truly want it.. Do you know what you want? What you deeply badly want? Will it lead to a smile along the way? Or doesn't it matter for you anyway? (I found this video, where egyptian children were asked to say that which made them happy/sad in year 2006 & what they really wish for to happen.. It's in arabic; so sorry to those who wouldn't understand! It begins after a minute & 50 seconds of the start of the video.. Here)
Ain't it cute what li'l miss 7aki wished for here? Isn't this what most of us girls wish for? Ha.. Not all that we wish for comes true.. But, but, but, wait a minute.. There's always a reason behind things happening.. WAllahi there is! And anyways, isn't it one of the best things ever happening seeing your mama's smile?