Monday, December 17, 2007

** tap out your rhythm **

(picture's source)

Working Hard.. Two words that tire you as soon as you hear them.. Working Hard.. People refer to working hard differently.. I loved what Seth Godin wrote on Labor Day..

It’s quite interesting seeing people perform different tasks.. What’s even more exciting, is seeing people do things you can’t do.. Yesterday, I was staring at this construction site through a window & it was fascinating to me seeing what those guys in green uniforms can do! And a few minutes after studying the scene, I was astonished to notice one of the workers standing on top of a few bricks & tapping his feet to some rhythm in his head! I couldn’t believe my eyes! In the midst of this heat, hammering, banging, yelling, sawing & digging he was tapping his feet & hands & enjoying some unheard beats! Way to go brother :)

Last weekend something so weird happened.. After a long shopping day & while sitting in the car on the way back home, I sneezed.. And in that split second of my sneeze, I saw some hand bags hanging.. It was as if I took a picture of one of those shops that I’ve been to & stuck it to my eyelids! That was magnificent!

Talking of magnificence, I wonder how everybody who's up for hajj is feeling.. Do they comprehend the beauty of this blessing they've been granted? Will I ever go for hajj? May Allah accept our efforts & grant us all His mercy.. Amen.


Never forget:

Tap out your rhythm world :)

Thursday, December 13, 2007

~ hide & seek ~

I think it's just as hard to hide as it is to seek

But in hiding you hardly get anything but weak..

When you're weak your life gets as cold as ice

And trying to gain it back would be as rolling dice..

Thus, the game of hide and seek has always caused pain

And those who enjoy it will end up with no gain..

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Mailbox usage……

Photograph by nissou*
["photograph" is a less description of what this truly is.. This is a unique gift! Go nissou, go nissou, go nissou:) ]

Mailbox usage: 1% of 5 GB…… That’s the message I see when signing in to my online account (that's been registered since: 29 September 2003.. I have 1496 messages so far).. How comforting! It gives you this amazing satisfying feeling that you can still have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than you already have & you won’t have to delete anything you’ve got.. You’re only filling ONE PERCENT of the space you HAVE.. How wonderful! And for a second there, I thought to myself, can this possibly be where I’m standing in life? Like can my “mailbox” be my entire worldly life & my “mailbox usage” be my past? Of course not.. It can’t be that I’ve only lived 1% of my life & 99% is still to come.. It just can’t be.. How many more moments do I have left? And the years that have been gone, are they enough to put me through the big test? Just wondering..

Looking back at my past, I see unfinished stuff that ended without me…… Just without me.. And I also see things that are still hanging with me, while they were supposed to be outdated long back…… I hang on to things firmly..

By the way, why is it that when someone dies, we say they “passed away”? Why not passed on (as in passed on to the next life)? I like it better.. Don’t you? Anyways, I wish death had the only power to make people miss each other.. Distance is one of the other reasonS.. Distances.. *sighs*

I miss you bro.. I wanna thank you for the teddy.. And for that hemisphere thing that contains water along with that tiny yellow duck.. I think it’s been over ten years now.. Right? You were a wee lad back then ;) Oh bro, I miss you.. I’m missing you constantly.. Everything has been reminding me of you lately.. It sometimes seems that the whole world is calling out your name.. Mama says there’s even a bank that has recently launched carrying your name.. So now it’s oils & banks? And Qur’an of course.. Oh, it’s just everywhere.. Brooooooooooooooo, you are everywhere to me.. I pray for you day & night.. I pray to see you soon.. Amen.

Always remember:

Ain't no mountain high enough

Ain't no valley low enough

Ain't no river wide enough

To keep me from getting to you

Back to my mailbox, I wonder when will it ever be full?




UPDATE: Days from posting this, my mailbox usage changed from:

1% to 2% of 5 GB

hahaha :D


Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Getting real..

Our days aren’t always as sweet as we hope for them to be.. We all seek beauty, warmth & coziness & make every effort to live them.. But things don’t always turn out to be the way that we want them to.. Umm AbdurRahman wrote something on that, that is so overwhelming.. Here goes: “She had pretty pink toes”..

Monday, November 26, 2007

c o l d f e e t

She grabbed the pencil & sharpened it thinking it might help her see through the maze that she was thrown in.. She held the pencil carelessly & couldn’t hold it as tight as she used to.. She started scribbling her pain away.. She didn’t believe that those words were said.. She was drowning in disbelief & denial! After writing a couple of words about how she felt, she went like: “can this be a joke? can it?”.. She was so sore.. She was shocked, stunned & the rest of it.. She didn’t even care to cry; ‘cuz she knew that if she did, she won’t be able to ever stop! Hurt & broken were only hints of how she felt.. Her heart was cold.. Her lungs were gasping for air & she didn’t have any power whatsoever left to help them.. The gasping was so loud, that wherever she went, they’d all turn around & stare at her.. She almost didn’t blink; in an attempt not to miss seeing any clear clue as to why this was happening.. How can a few words be this powerful? How can they affect her entire being? How can a stranger have this ability to strike her this strongly? She carried on wondering.. Her fingers started getting numb.. Her wound was so deep; that she knew that no cure would be able to bring her any where near comfort.. She was taught that every illness has its cure.. “Where is my cure?” she screamed.. Her disturbance started getting to her striving soul.. She was scared.. Trembling with fear.. And nobody was able to lend her their hands.. Eventually, she shut her eyes & decided not to see no more, at least through those horrifying moments..

Thursday, November 22, 2007


(picture's source)

A dear friend of mine has just told someone else that I’m remarkably generous.. I felt good :) Hope its as true as it was said.. My opinion on this, is that being generous isn’t really about HOW MUCH you spend, its about the way you spend it.. It’s not in the quantity.. I feel/see it in the approach.. Like how a person always gives & really truly fully genuinely wants to give, with all means.. To me, this is the best type of generosity I’ve ever experienced.. THIS IS GENEROSITY.. Sadly, I hardly see this type of kindness anywhere.. Its running out.. Or has it always been this way? Like years & years ago, were the kindly giving people all around or hardly existing like nowadays? Its painful for me seeing people so cautious & fearful the way they are.. IT DOES GET TO ME! I can’t tolerate being around those people.. Am I being bad now? I never wait after giving, never wait to be given.. What I hate most is that, even my giving sometimes ISN'T understood! The worst part of this ordeal is that, these matters can NEVER be explained! No matter how much you explain, you can’t teach people or let them experience "giving"! Giving for me is always a pleasure.. I truly enjoy it.. Hope everybody else does :)

"It's all I have to bring today

This, and my heart beside

This, and my heart, and all the fields

And all the meadows wide

Be sure you count - should I forget

Some one the sum could tell

This, and my heart, and all the Bees

Which in the Clover dwell"

By Emily Dickinson

Monday, November 12, 2007

~ chastity ~

(picture's source)

Here’s one thing I wish I could shout out to the world, “world, say cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!”.. There, I said it! People: when your eyes meet with one another, just remember to SAY CHEESE.. It won’t harm you in any way whatsoever.. Trust me, it won’t!

I don’t get it.. When guys see me, they smile.. But when “the ladies” see me, what, they get lazy to do it?! Come on now, what’s that all about? Passing a smile won’t charge you much, will it? Or does it have to be from the other gender for you to smile?!?!?!?!

I also did this li’l experiment to test people’s “thank you”.. And it turns out to be the exact same! Like when a GUY asks me something & I answer, they directly thank me.. But when a lady asks something & I as well answer (even sweeter than the way I answered the guy) she nods & leaves!

Ladieeeeeeeeeeeees? What’s the matter? Is it me? Am I missing something here?

The last time I gave the world a loud cheese was when…… Okay, this was fu nnyyyyyyyyy :D Let me start by asking you this, do you know HOW the freshest products you find at the supermarket get to the very back of the shelves? We all know WHY, but we usually don’t know HOW.. Why? Definitely to let people take the stuff displayed in front of them & finish them off first & keep the recently produced stuff at the back to stay longer (but of course as an arab/egyptian, I do what I saw my parents do.. Which is reach all the way to the baaaaaaaaack of the shelf & grab the furthest item my hand could reach, of course while having that “I’m so smart, I’m smarter than everyone else” look..) ..Well, I constantly thought to myself, how can they always succeed in putting all those fresh goods at the very back? Do they take all the stuff (like milk for instance) off the shelves, put the freshest at the back, then return the least fresh stuff at the front? Well, I found out the answer, but through a terrifying incident :D But of course ended up with one of those big fat cheeses of mine ;) Well, I was at this store heading to the fridge.. I opened it & I was (acting smart, like I learned from my folks) stretching my arm to reach for the last bottle of laban (this salty milk) on the row & all of a sudden.. All of a sudden I see this human being moving right behind the shelves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I freaked out & said “Bismilllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah” so loud & jumped back.. Everyone at the store laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaughed their lungs out & thought that I just freaked out like that.. So my friend came close & said “what’s wrong?”.. With one hand on my heart & the other pointing to the fridge, she got the shock too.. hahaha.. Then I learned, that those fridges & shelves have a rolling back; as to help the workers loading them, to load them from the back with the freshest stuff.. LOL :)

I love it when I discover li’l big things that people don’t even take the time to notice or wonder about (is it that I’m trying to feel special? am I that desperate? LOL).. And one of those things, is studying that man watering the plants in offices & observing his attitude.. Well, I’ve noticed & studied him for quiet some time now.. I’m sad to mention that he HATES what he’s doing! He hates those plants.. The worst part is, if he never shows up, no one would even notice the plants dying of thirst! I’m so sure of that! So I don’t understand who’s faking things here, companies buying the plants? Or hiring a man to water them? Or the man doing what he hates?All I’m sure of, is that those plants can't be the cause of this fake scene.. No one even looks at those abandoned plants! I’m sure they’d love to be out there, enjoying their “natural” environment.. I wish I could do anything about this.. Wish I could set a meeting to discuss the bitter insensitivity flowing around through fake streams of coldness that’s almost freezing out everything beautiful & real..

One more li’l big thing I notice & extremely despise.. You know how married couples are like at the beginning of their marriage? See that picture at the top, it’s almost how each & every couple starts.. Flowers, gifts & all the so vanilla sweet tones of life.. Shortly comes the “So what? who cares?” attitude.. Now I wanna talk about one small act that proves that.. I noticed that in hospitals (where “serious” stuff occur), parks (where fun is found), beaches or anywhere else, husbands lead the way while walking, carrying almost nothing (none of their belongings like their children’s bags or whatever) & wives at the back with a kid in one hand, a bunch of bags in the other & so forth.. This scene is very common here in the arab world.. It really breaks my heart seeing men thinking that this is “manhood”.. It’s so not.. Let me add one more tiny detail (for muhajabas) if I may.. Well, as now the weather is changing & it’s getting windy, I hate walking in this weather ‘cuz of one reason: clothes I wear find their way to STICK to me.. It’s so uncomfortable walking while your clothes are sticking to you; bringing out your detailed form.. At least for muhajabas.. It just feels bad & embarrassing.. Yet “husbands” on the other hand don’t notice this at all! They carry on leading the way & walking ahead of their wives! (they could simply walk close by behind their wives; as to cover them from the back or whatever).. I wish these tiny things could be explained to all men.. The thing is, it’s hard.. There are things that just can’t be explained.. You have to feel them yourself.. You can’t MAKE people feel them..

I’d like to wrap this up with some breaking news ;) .. Pudding bought this amazingly sweet smelling perfume called chastity.. The name goes with the scent somehow! Just phenomenal! It just smells like dunhill desire.. Don’t ask me how!

Tell the believing men that they shall subdue their eyes (and not stare at the women), and to maintain their chastity. This is purer for them. GOD is fully Cognizant of everything they do. And tell the believing women to subdue their eyes, and maintain their chastity. They shall not reveal any parts of their bodies, except that which is necessary. They shall cover their chests, and shall not relax this code in the presence of other than their husbands, their fathers, the fathers of their husbands, their sons, the sons of their husbands, their brothers, the sons of their brothers, the sons of their sisters, other women, the male servants or employees whose sexual drive has been nullified, or the children who have not reached puberty. They shall not strike their feet when they walk in order to shake and reveal certain details of their bodies. All of you shall repent to GOD, O you believers, that you may succeed.

~ Qur’an [24:30-31] ~

Saturday, November 10, 2007

~ my living grace ~

Teta.. Granny.. Nonoo.. Daddy’s mom.. I don’t think anyone else in this whole wide world has a teta like mine.. I’m going to talk here about one very special remarkable person.. She’s your 80+ old very familiar chubby huggable grandma, who’s an expert in making yummy heavy greasy meals.. The one who always tells you stories about the past.. The one who’s constantly trying to hook everybody up to get them married (& she succeeds ;) ).. The one whom you turn to; trying to know more about who you really are & where you’re coming from.. She tells you about how she raised your dad/mom.. How the days back then were happy & blessed.. But that’s not all.. My teta is so much more than that.. I’m sure no matter what I write, the picture would still remain incomplete.. She was brought up with biracial parents.. Not only were they biracial, more secrets (only hers) to that too.. And this bit of information gives a hint of where she’s coming from.. It’s a big part of who she is.. She’s not typically anything.. She’s just her.. With her mood swinging, creativity, artistic inclinations & expandable knowledge.. And over all, strong deep faith.. A faith that never really seems to pause or gets “put on hold”.. Of course no one can tell how genuine one’s faith is.. No one is required to.. It’s not for us to judge.. By faith I meant (the practiced one I see) the daily practicing as in relying-on & worshiping God.. Prayers are her clock.. Obligatory & nonobligatory.. I love how she prays for all her loved ones (alive & dead) EACH & EVERY night.. Not a day passes by without her reading of God's words.. Lately, I’ve been relating to her a lot.. I don’t really know how, but somehow, I have some of her traits.. And I totally understand her & all her unexpected actions.. She writes quiet often.. Wish she could be able to join the blogging world ;) She writes poems almost on everything & everyone.. I have my own (poem written by her about me) & so does the rest of my family.. She allowed me to share here one of her latest (& one of my favorite) poems.. She wrote it to giddo (may he be in a better & a higher place than the one we’re in now) who passed away years & years ago.. Here goes:

Wow, thinking of her past.. Man, how many people have learned from her (she was a teacher)! WOooHooOW! She’s a very striving woman (in all fields).. Until this very day, with her age & broken ankle! Four years ago, she sewed beautiful dresses, from scratch for me! She still sews things (I really wanna learn how to sew).. I love her love for ice cream :) Whenever we'd go to egypt in the summer, after every meal, she’d take us in the balcony & treat us with ice cream.. I’m not really fond of ice cream (even as a kid, so sue me! I used to have it trying to sense the joy that all other kids experienced when having it, but failed :D ).. She’s so into dairy products.. SO into them! And I think that’s the reason why she never lost any of her teeth :) MashaAllah! I wish I could take from her NEVER giving-in to "today's medicine"! She goes only for natural treatments.. What more can I say? Well, one of my greatest joys of life, is sitting in her house, on her bed & going over real old pictures with her.. That's a real blast for me :) *sigh* I really wish that her wish for me would come true.. She wishes to see my future husband before she dies.. I wish the same (if I live.. lol).. And I wish it; ‘cuz I clearly know that if he doesn’t see her, He won’t see a big part of me!

May The Subtly Kind & Most Loving grant me a warm life with her presence that makes more sense of my today & everyday.. Amen.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

~ free as a bird ~

(picture's source)

Am I that desperate to fly? Is it that I’m feeling so heavy that I figured out I can’t? Am I trapped? Well, I can't tell really.. Here’s why I’m wondering.. For MONTHS, I’ve been looking for a fairy’s custom to buy for my li’l amoona.. To be exact, I’ve been looking for a tutu, wings & a pair of ballerina shoes.. At last, my search came to an end last week.. And I found exactly what I wanted.. Thank God :) It was an amazing experience for me (more than her).. I almost flew with her.. Just wonderful.. And then came yesterday.. I spent all afternoon at the beach taking pictures, not of the sea, the shells, the sun, the sand, the sky, or the trees.. But of a flying human soul! My sister’s friend would run run run & then jump high trying to take a tick’s shape.. & right there & then I’d capture the moment.. We did this all the way until sunset.. It was fascinating.. It wiped my headache off.. Oh, my headache.. I’ve never really experienced the severe headaches that people suffer from (especially daddy.. poor him, he REALLY suffers..).. However, since a couple of days, I’ve been having this horrible awful headache that’s been giving me a very hard time.. I can’t describe it really.. You know how you cross your eyebrows? Or like raise them? Anyways, if you do any of this for a while, you get this horrible feeling of a heavy load being placed on your forehead.. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling! As if my eyebrows have been crossed/raised for a year! It started when I went in that cab.. Ok cabs.. I have this thing for cabs.. I HATE getting in a cab.. H A T E .. It’s one of the hardest things for me to do.. My headache can’t be ‘cuz of the cab I HAD to get in, can it? I swear I was very close to fainting.. On another level, I’m extremely against women riding in cabs.. I’ve argued enough about this & I’ve had enough.. It just ain’t right FOR ME.. UNLESS it’s URGENT, or it’s the ONLY WAY.. I don’t believe in women being in cabs with strange men ALONE! It provokes me.. I pity saudi arabia for not letting their women drive.. “It’s ok to go to school with a male driver, but you can’t drive”!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My pity for them is waaaaaaaay beyond my rage.. It’s pa the tic! Talking of double standards! Let’s go back to flying.. Isn’t it just the number one wish on man’s list of dreams? At least that’s my frequent dream.. Anyways.. I pray my headache would get lighter; ‘cuz I’m seriously going out of my mind!

Wake me up when it's over

Wake me up when it's done

Wake me up when the skies are clearing

When the water is still

'cause I will not watch the ships sail away so

Please say you will

If it were any other day

This wouldn't get the best of me

But today I'm not so strong

So lay me down with a sad song

And when it stops then you know I've been

Gone too long

But don't shake me awake

Don't bend me or I will break

Come find me somewhere between my dreams

With the sun on my face

I will still feel it later on

But for now I'd rather be asleep"

~ Norah Jones lyrics ~

Sunday, November 04, 2007

.. to go to heeeaaveeeen :D

Remember Tarek? The cute adorable li'l boy with big faith? Well, he's back to inspire us with one of his GREAT WORKS OF TRUE INSPIRATION :)

Please click here & enjoy :)


(picture's source)

The weather is completely inspiring.. The sky full of clouds, the ground continuously fresh & the air gently chilly.. I love this time of the year; it’s so stirring.. I often think to my self: if that’s all I had, would I want more? You know what? I always wanted less.. Not that by less I mean less in value, on the contrary.. I mean less than I have.. Less than I’m granted.. Less than they think I need.. I wish they’d know the distances of silence growing in my heart.. I long to hear my inner echoes.. How so very delusional the colors that they see! If they could only get to reach out & hold their fantasies, they’d find out how fragile, empty & essence-less they are..

Why is it that the more I live, the more I care? I should care less.. I should detach my self a little.. A LOT! I’ve been trying to work on that for quiet some time now.. It’s not working for me!


Merry lost her cell phone & lost her money.. Merry got upset.. She got furious.. And now merry is sad.. Merry is very sad.. What can I ever do to give her some of my inner comforting thoughts? Can anyone ever give anyone any of their very private comforting notions?

I wish I was able to explain my faith out loud.. Wish I would be able to share any of it with the world.. I hold very strong beliefs deeply in my conscious & subconscious minds of my whining heart & my unseen soul..

I thank God for words.. They truly open windows.. Windows & doors..

Come on now, lets go out & enjoy the blessing of feeling & sensing the beauties surrounding us..
I wish you all a sweet autumn & a warmly cold blessed winter :)


"Any blessing you enjoy is from GOD. Yet, whenever you incur any adversity you immediately complain to Him."

~ Qur'an 16:53 ~

Friday, November 02, 2007

Dear Stary,

Lonestar where are you out tonight?

This feeling I'm trying to fight

It's dark and I think that I would give anything

For you to shine down on me

How far you are I just don't know

The distance I'm willing to go

I pick up a stone that I cast to the sky

Hoping for some kind of sign

~ Written by Alexander Lee ~

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Their pendulum!

I see people now hanging unto an unstable pendulum & they refuse by all means to get off it.. You tell them: “Get off, it’s just a pendulum, it will fall” & they simply won’t listen & act as if they’re enjoying their ride!

Am I so different? Am I the only one feeling all I’m feeling? Is it just me going through this life’s suffering & feeling its daily misery? Is my patience so stretchy? I thought I was the crazy impatient one?! Thought I was the spoiled brat?!

It’s scary seeing how occupied I am with a lotta things in my heart & mind & how others are so occupied with some other very different things in their subconscious minds!

I know they’re my sisters & brothers, but I just can’t get over the fact that they DO CHOOSE to be the way they are! They pick to be the persons they are.. No one forces them! No one tells them: “Hey, you gotta be as cold hearted as you can.. Just bring out the worst of you..”!

If they could only see the beauties around them.. If they could only pause, think & choose peacefully.. If they could just slow down & get off their pendulum.. If they could only..

Sing us a song
Of a love that once belonged
Tell me your tale
Was your journey far too long?
Does it seem like I'm looking for an answer
To a question I can't ask
I don't know which way the feather falls
Or if i should blow it to the left
All the voices that are spinnin' around me
Trying to tell me what to say
Can I fly right behind you
And you can take me away"

~ Norah Jones lyrics ~

Sunday, October 28, 2007

If ......, chances are?

(picture's source)

If I care all the way & travel far, so far away, chances are?

If I avoid being told & act so cold, chances are?

If I try hard faking it; only to break it, chances are?

If I zip the lip, then want to give a tip, chances are?

If I cry, cry, cry & cry, chances are?

If I smile, grin & laugh out loud, chances are?

If I whine outwardly, then beam internally, chances are?

If my sighs grow & my fears show, chances are?

If I decide to sink & stop to think, chances are?

If I drop the stop; to stop the drop, chances are?

If my every fact is always abstract, chances are?

If I change my name from real to surreal, chances are?

If I straighten my waves & have a different face, chances are?

If I’m bitter & sore & don’t want it no more, chances are?

If I loosen up on my way going up, chances are?

If they tell me no, then ask me to glow, chances are?

If I get ticked off & can’t storm off, chances are?

If I live in denial & fail the trial, chances are?

If they put my heart in a strolling cart, chances are?

If my sweaty palms never ever calm, chances are?

If I never forget my deepest regret, chances are?

If I say no & prefer it raw, chances are?

If I'd rather stay than go the long way, chances are?

If I get hurt while cleaning of the dirt, chances are?

If I flirt & flirt; trying to blurt, chances are?

If all my words are full of blahs, chances are?

If I try my hands in the wrong lands, chances are?

If the sands of time turn into sour lime, chances are?

If they pick me up; only to shut me up, chances are?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

** SaNeLy CrAzY **

Remember when you were young & the soap, somehow, always found its way to your eyes? How long has it been, years? Well, for me it’s definitely been years since that last happened.. But just yesterday & after so many long years, the soup found its way back to my eyes! And all those memories flashed back.. It’s interesting how those ‘nice’ flash backs make you feel.. It’s just this indescribable deeply engraved delight coming back to life.. Just like that pineapple cake that mama makes.. Nothing could smell more warm & cozy..

It was wonderful walking in between those li’l kids who were on their way to school today.. Man, it’s great to have school in the morning! I’m extremely against all those afternoon schools :( .. I’ve always loved mornings.. I’m a very morning person.. I love the sun.. I hate it when the sun leaves.. Hate the night time.. Hate going out at night.. I had my afternoon coffee in the kitchen yesterday during sunset.. I could see the sky through that kitchen’s balcony’s glass door.. The lights in the kitchen were off & those yellowish orange sun rays were so stimulating.. They were fading a second after the other.. And eventually I knew I had to put those fake lights on.. Don’t you just hate the white neon lights? I really do.. I feel so uncomfortable seeing everything through those white lights.. I love yellow lights (not sure if they’re called yellow, but you know, those yellowish, sun-like lights).. That’s one of the things I love about Egypt.. All it’s street lights are lit that way, in ‘yellow’.. However, I was told once, that the colors are seen best through the white neon light.. Anyways, so while sitting in the kitchen, I loved how it was dark where I was & how the sun rays penetrated & broke through the darkness.. Try it.. Try sitting where it’s dark & open a window around sunset.. The sun won’t be too powerful to fully brighten the room & at the same time it won’t be so weak that would bring in the need of fake lights.. It’s a quiet charming experience..

Talking of experience.. Life is all about experiences.. Happy ones.. Successful ones.. Breaking ones.. Inspiring ones.. Humiliating ones.. Honoring ones.. Humbling ones.. And so many others.. And of the most uncommon experiences, come the crazy ones.. I go through those every now & then.. It’s fascinating.. I’m keen on unusual things.. And one of those unordinary things happened to me recently.. Well, here’s how it went.. A week ago, this dude passed by & asked: “Excuse me, do you have any clue where bla bla department is? The receptionist isn't there..” I went like: “Yup, it’s not on this floor, you go to bla bla floor & you’ll find it..”.. Dude: “Thanks!”.. Days passed & this dude came again standing in front of me with a huuuuuuuuuuge smile (you know this smile that you put on trying to say “you know me.. remember me?”).. I looked at him waiting for him to say something.. Dude: “Well, I have bla bla papers & can’t seem to figure out where to go”.. Me (so freaking serious): “Well, you can go to bla bla bla..”.. Dude: “And there’s this other thing” & he paused, I felt like, GOD!! And I waited.. He cleared his throat & said: “Well, I’d like to propose to you!”.. I DIDN’T BELIEVE HE SAID THAT! At that very moment, all I thought of, was how to get him outa my sight & how I could disappear from the face of earth! I blushed (& stayed blushed for like 4 hours I swear!) & found my arms flying up & down (I remember my left hand hitting the desk real bad), my eyes staring at the floor, the chair moving in circles & then I went like “ummmm, well, ummmmm, ummmmm, this is crazy!” & I didn’t even look his direction any more.. I COULDN’T BELIEVE I SAID IT OUT LOUD!! “THIS IS CRAZY?” HOW WORSE CAN I LOOK? WHAT AN EDIOT I WAS! He insisted: “I know, but I really do want to know of any possible way..” God oh God! How crazier can one get? This was one of the craziest sane experiences I’ve ever encountered..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~To all gracious guys out there:
May Allah protect & guide you..
Amen :)

"Like a gift from the heavens,

it was easy to tell,

It was love from above,

that could save me from hell,

She had fire in her soul it was easy to see,

how the devil himself could be pulled out of me,

Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place

You could tell how we felt from the look on our faces.."

~ Into the night lyrics~

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

~ The Real Princess story ~

There's this story that I've loved deeply as a li'l girl & have never forgotten.. Just yesterday, while reading some stories online, I stumbled upon it & couldn't believe my eyes.. It must have been over ten years since I last read it.. I could still remember the day I read it for the first time.. I remember exactly on which sides of the page it started & ended.. I can still hear our loud young voices.. I recall the teacher's smell.. I even remember that book's scent.. I remember reading it at home as well.. Seriously, how do these small things affect a whole person & cause complicated impact on their being? There are these tiny details that truly made me the sara I am.. It's heartbreaking seeing parents overlooking those details & underestimating their effects :(


There was once a Prince who wished to marry a Princess; but then she must be a real Princess. He travelled all over the world in hopes of finding such a lady; but there was always something wrong. Princesses he found in plenty; but whether they were real Princesses it was impossible for him to decide, for now one thing, now another, seemed to him not quite right about the ladies. At last he returned to his palace quite cast down, because he wished so much to have a real Princess for his wife. One evening a fearful tempest arose, it thundered and lightened, and the rain poured down from the sky in torrents: besides, it was as dark as pitch. All at once there was heard a violent knocking at the door, and the old King, the Prince's father, went out himself to open it. It was a Princess who was standing outside the door. What with the rain and the wind, she was in a sad condition; the water trickled down from her hair, and her clothes clung to her body. She said she was a real Princess. "Ah! we shall soon see that!" thought the old Queen-mother; however, she said not a word of what she was going to do; but went quietly into the bedroom,took all the bed-clothes off the bed, and put three little peas on the bedstead. She then laid twenty mattresses one upon another over the three peas, and put twenty feather beds over the mattresses. Upon this bed the Princess was to pass the night. The next morning she was asked how she had slept. "Oh, very badly indeed!" she replied. "I have scarcely closed my eyes the whole night through. I do not know what was in my bed, but I had something hard under me, and am all over black and blue. It has hurt me so much!" Now it was plain that the lady must be a real Princess, since she had been able to feel the three little peas through the twenty mattresses and twenty feather beds. None but a real Princess could have had such a delicate sense of feeling. The Prince accordingly made her his wife; being now convinced that he had found a real Princess. The three peas were however put into the cabinet of curiosities, where they are still to be seen, provided they are not lost. Wasn't this a lady of real delicacy?

Andersen's Fairy Tales by Hans Christian Andersen


PS. Do those three peas symbolize anything at all?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

*tisk* *tisk* *tisk*

A few days back, I was driving pudding & his two friends to their school; as they were having an iftar party.. When the traffic light went red, I stopped (duhhhh!).. And then I heard giggling & betting
going on between them li’l guys.. So I looked at the rear mirror & saw them cutely arguing..

Skate boarding expert boy
(showing off!): “I swear this is acne, it’s not merely pimples!”
Pudding (jealously!): “No, they’re not! That’s just a rash or something.. I’m sure it’s not acne.. Acne doesn’t look like that..”
Beautiful eyed kid: “I think it is acne..”
Pudding (so proudly): “You guys, look at my facial hair, it’s growing.. Even my arm hair is..”
BEK: “Man, that’s old news, I’ve got all that already..”
SBEB then started checking out his arms..
I couldn’t stop smiling.. And in my head, I was laughing out loud :) Honestly, I didn’t know what to think! Come on boys, you don’t want that.. Trust me.. Ask the big guys & they’ll tell you.. It’s not as it seems.. It’s not so fun.. Nope, not so fun! I'm sure they'd tell you how much they long to go back to their old li'l beds & get tucked in by their parents.. Well well well..
I always had this place on one of the walls in each & every one of pudding’s roomS where I’d measure his height every now & then.. He’s dying to get taller.. But of course as we move almost every two years (thanks to mom :( ); that wall changes.. But I still do it for him wherever we go.. Oh God, he feels soooo good when it shows that he’s grown taller.. Man, you should see the joy in his eyes :D
May you grow taller puddingy & make this world a brighter one.. And take care of your eldest sister & love her & never forget her ;) .. Amen. & carry her if need be ;) Yeah, don't look at me pudding, how many times have I carried you? I deserve this :P That's the least you could do :P
"What if I’m dumb in school?
What if they’ve closed the swimming pool?
What if I get beat up?
What is there’s poison in my cup?
What if I start to cry?
What if I get sick and die?
What if I flunk that test?
What if green hair grows on my chest?
What if nobody likes me?
What if a bolt of lightening strikes me?
What if I don’t grow taller?
What if my head starts getting smaller?
What if the fish won’t bite?
What if the wind tears my kite?
What if they start a war?
What if my parents get divorced?
What if the bus is late?
What if my teeth don’t grow straight?
What if I tear my pants?
What if I never learn to dance?"

~ By Shel Silverstein ~

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

~ au fait ~

I’m a bit confused.. Confused with this positive feeling that I have towards death & whether it signifies that I have a cold heart or not (they say a cold heart lets it’s holder believe that they’re saints & are so ready.. That’s not how I feel though!).. The grave & going to a different world is undeniably scary, but I’ve always had this inner comfort & relief with me meeting my Lord.. Today, for the first time, I found out that prophet Yusuf ‘alaihy asalam was he first to wish for death.. I WISH FOR DEATH! I’m not saying, I’m purely out of sins & surely have nothing to regret.. No, of course not! All I’m saying is that I really do want to leave this world soon & get closer to The Light of the heavens & the earth..

The thought of writing my will has always been on my mind.. Always wanted to write it & keep it under my pillow.. Wanted to say a lotta things in it.. But I never did.. Why? Well, ‘cuz I’ve always felt that no matter what I write, it won’t be enough.. Or won’t contain everything I have in heart & mind.. (Sadly this has always been the case with everything else I intend to do.. I always know deep down that it won’t turn out as I wanted it to ......)

Well, this world ain’t fair.. People in it are never just enough.. But as I always say God is always Fair.. Why wouldn’t I wish for death? To do more good deeds is one reason.. But what if I wanna repent & die amongst the true submitters? Is it a bad wish? It’s my wish anyhow..

In my sister’s university, there are different bus timings for dropping students off.. There are bus timings for locals & other timings for expatriates! Expats wait until the locals get dropped off first & then the bus goes back to the university to pick them (expats) up.. How can muslims reach this extreme? Extreme of hatred? How worse could our muslim ummah get? I try to make my presence a good one on the face of this earth.. But at a specific moment, you reach a point where you clearly know you don’t belong.. Please don’t get me wrong.. I’m not running away from the evils of this life by saying I wanna die.. WAllahi it’s not like that.. In my happiest, moments I still prefer death..

I love things here.. A lotta of things.. One of the things I love is our red jeep & I’m extremely sad for it having to leave us :( I love hearing my grandpa call my grandma with that sweet nickname.. Wish all husbands could be this tender with their wives.. A lotta of things are enchanting in this dunya.. *sigh* I loved it when I heard that pudding wrote an essay about me in school! He was asked: “describe the worst day that you’ve ever spent”.. He described the day I was operated on; to get my infected appendix cut off..

To conclude, two important questions will be left unanswered:
1. Who will inherit my teddy bear?
2. Did/will I ever win laylatul qadr?

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Dashing Prince/Princess?

UmmAtiyya said:
"So you mean I can't have the brother who's hafiz with ijaazah in 10 qiraat and fluent in Arabic who has a great beard and ALL his teeth and sparkly eyes and a REAL job that's transferring him to Saudi and is 6ft. tall and only wants one wifey and loves to cook and has never been to prison and has never been married and has a trust fund and a REAL car and wears sunnah clothes and is a sheikh with a dual PhD in Tafsir and Aqeedah with Masters in both child development and Women's Literature and has clean fingernails and makes herbal remedies from his organic garden in his spare time in between running marathons to benefit the soup kitchen he founded the summer he wrote the book on ahklaq when he was 12? You mean I can't have him? I have to settle...for a regular brother? Ok. You know any?"
Relief said
"Umm Attiya I like your response but wouldn't a man like that expect a women like this Hafizah of Qur'an, teacher, housewife, beyond beautiful, hair to her knees, from a wealthy family, virgin, under 21, doesn't complain, doesn't expect too much, superwomen, cook, clean, fluent in several languages including Arabic of course, not attached to the dunya, a muhmin (more than just a plain ordinary muslim), PHd in education but just wants to homeschool any children she has, never looks unkempt, trained beautician, able to give noteworthy massages, never argumentative, encourage husband towards righteous deeds, etc."

Friday, September 28, 2007

little 7aki :D

You gotta read these cute conversations between mama 7aki & her little 7aki :)
Click to read:

A conversation with little 7aki

Random conversations with little 7aki
May Allah preserve li'l 7aki for her mama.. And may she be her way to heaven.. Amen :)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Organic Muslimah's letters :)

Here are some heartfelt beautifully written letters by Organic Muslimah.. These letters touched my heart of hearts.. Organic Muslimah, do you really exist? I thought there was only one me in his world! Thought I was the only one who had those feelings! :)

(picture's source)
Click to read:

Dear Husband
A Letter to My Unborn Daughter
A Letter to Every Sheikh
From an Unhappy Wife
A Letter to all Females
If Only
My Husband

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Hossam & Eman..

Beautiful story written by Organic Muslimah.. I truly enjoyed reading it.. It touched my hearty heart.. I lived in it.. Literally :)

Here goes: (click to read)
Part 1: Hossam looks for marriage
Part 2: When Hossam meets Eman
Part 3: Hossam and Eman talk
Part 4: Hossam faces rejection
Part 5: Hossam's letter
Part 6: Eman Emails Back
Thanks for your insight & time sister..

Love you fiLlah begad :)

What are they called?

I wish I could know what these flowers are called? Here's their story.. When I started recognizing things around me , including plants, these were the first flowers I got to know.. Baba used to get me one everyday.. & up until now, he gets me one every now & then.. The last time he got me one, was when I came back home & found it on my pillow.. I cried like a baby.. But here's a secret>> I kinda don't like touching them, from their tips! They have a
(picture's source)
lotta hair like leaves that scare me! AND I LOVE THEM!! AIN'T THAT WEIRD?! I used to get scared of all plants.. Like scared of touching them.. Until now, walking on grass irritates me a lot!! I always try avoiding that.. All I know is that, I'm crazy about flowers (both seeing & holding them).. Some one once said that it's haram gifting them!! Don't know the authenticity of that? I love plants.. Love their silence, delicacy & beauty.. Love the fact that they are LIVING! I wish I could find out what baba's flowers are called.. They smell goooooood :)

There is a flower that bees prefer,
And butterflies desire;
To gain the purple democrat
The humming-birds aspire.

And whatsoever insect pass,
A honey bears away

Proportioned to his several dearth
And her capacity.

Her face is rounder than the moon,

And ruddier than the gown
Of orchis in the pasture,

Or rhododendron worn.

She doth not wait for June;

Before the world is green
Her sturdy little countenance
Against the wind is seen,

Contending with the grass,

Near kinsman to herself,
For privilege of sod and sun,
Sweet litigants for life.

And when the hills are full,

And newer fashions blow,
Doth not retract a single spice
For pang of jealousy.

Her public is the noon,
Her providence the sun,

Her progress by the bee proclaimed
In sovereign, swerveless tune.

The bravest of the host,

Surrendering the last,
Nor even of defeat aware

When cancelled by the frost.

Wish I could always be daddy's li'l girl & never grow older.. And never see him get weaker.. I want him as strong as always.. Want him always standing tall & grabbing me by the hand & teaching me how the world revolves.. But wishes are only wishes.. And the world is only worldly world.. And the tide is always strong, whether high or low.. The more you live, the more gravity pulls down your features.. The more you stand, the more you slant..

I reason, earth is short,
And anguish absolute.
And many hurt;
But what of that?

I reason, we could die:
The best vitality

Cannot excel decay;
But what of that?

I reason that in heaven

Somehow, it will be even,
Some new equation given;

But what of that?
I love you baba.. I love you more than me.. And if I spend my whole life saying thank you, it wouldn't even count! Thank you for being you.. Thank you for being you!!
PS One of my dreams is to have a flowers shop, that only sells this flower.. And work in it with daddy :) That's one of my dreams..

Monday, September 24, 2007

blown ~ ~ away ~ ~

That's how I felt when I heard the news.. I felt so blown away, numbed, powerless, blessed & most of all, felt that there is definitely a lot to be done.. I heard & then cried & then did nothing!! I wanted to write them a letter.. I wanted to hug them.. I wanted to do a lotta things, to the limit that I didn't do any!! He died & they were going to the airport to get his dead body, in a box.. That's what happened.. As simple as can be.. He just simply stopped breathing.. His heart stopped beating.. His hands got colder.. His powerless body got wrapped & went back home to his beloved ones in a box.. How can any sane mind live with this?! How can a warm beating heart carry on living with such pain & hurt?! Like for real?! How?! How can you tell his siblings "you guys, live with memories & hold on together.. You gotta let go of him now.." How can his mom understand that when she calls his name, he won't answer?! How can his dad lean back & tell them "it'll be ok"?! How can it ever be ok?! How can they let go?! I can't stop thinking of you, the family I never met.. I can't stop thinking of your great loss & not pray.. Pray that God would grant you the strength to carry on.. To carry on living, giving & waiting patiently to be with him in God's blessed paradise.. Amen.
To the family I never met,
You're always in my prayers

Friday, September 21, 2007

"Do they have eyes?"

Satta: "Sweetie, you finish this plate & I'll give you a lollipop.. Deal?"
Li'l 3 year old amoona thinks so hard and goes like: "Let me see it first.."
Satta: "Okay"
And we run to where I kept the lollipop for her..
Satta: "Here it is, I'll put it here (on a bookshelf) until you're done with your
dinner.. And then you can have it.."
Li'l amoona with eyes sparkling & mouth so watery: "Yalla, I wanna finish my meal.."
And after a few minutes & after she finished her plate & washed her li'l chubby hands & tulip-like mouth, we headed to the bookshelf & I unwrapped her lolli (while she was jumping up & down impatiently waiting for it to come out) & gave it to her..
Then amoona goes like: "Mhmmmmm, oh I love lollipops so much.."
Satta: "Lollipops love you too.." (that's what mama always says when I say I like something or some place.. she goes like "they like you too")
Li'l amoona, after thinking hard for a second: "But, do they (lollipops) have eyes?"
Satta, after getting amazed by the question: "What do you think?"
Li'l amoona: "I think they do.."
And then she carried on enjoying her lolli with unlimited joy..

Well, why did she say 'eyes'? Specified 'eyes' to 'love'? Does she mean one has to have eyes & see someone; to love them? Or did she mean that did they have eyes; to see her (cute li'l amoona)? Or what? I wonder, why oh why!!
Satta: That's what I've been called by her ever since she started talking.. Amoona: I've been asked so many times, why amoona? Well, her name is farha.. I call her amoona; as when she started talkin & was introduced to our worldly lemons (we have those plastic lemons here in our house), she instantly after being told they're called lamoon (in arabic), she said 'amoon'.. I love the way she said 'amoon' & so I decided to call her 'amoona'.. I added the 'a', as arabic is like french, it has feminine & masculine words.. Feminine words usually have an 'a' at the end of them..