Sunday, October 26, 2008
Last night while driving, & in the midst of all the ongoing mess, I felt the seat belt holding me real tight! I don’t know if it was fastened especially tight that night or it was me needing that stiff feeling that held my chest firmly.. I never really felt that belt as much as I felt it yesterday.. And you know what? It felt good! It felt safe.. It felt warm.. It felt cozy.. It was firmly fit, just holding all my fears down as I’ve always wanted them to..
I love sticking to one corner in this world.. In this life.. In this crazy roller coaster ride.. I love my window.. I love seeing the sea through it.. I don’t necessarily have to touch it (the sea) with my feet to get connected to it.. It’s already a part of me.. I was given today this sea shell that was once a moving independent being.. It belongs to Him, & I-small li’l me-belong to Him exactly as this small li’l shell does.. He Has it all.. He Knows it all.. He Watches it with all His Mercy, His unlimited Mercy..
How can we not comprehend all of this! This right here, lying inside of these weak ribs! It’s all so clear to us, but we wear those stupid blindfolds & make fools of ourselves.. Poor us, missing on a lot; just by fighting.. Fighting against our very own selves! Poor us!
Buckle up dear ones; for we can’t really take hold all the time!
* shine on brohy :) *
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sis was humming earlier today my old dancing doll's lullaby.. I tried to remember it months ago, but failed to.. Daddy,
Isn't it amazing how small details carry huge meanings in our hearts? Like for example the sound of those wheels of that strong old suitcase of ours, it means so much, & it stirs feelings that no earthquake can ever stir.. I miss you..
*sigh* (Just today, I taught my cute li'l angels meanings of new words, & of them was the word: sigh.. I saw in their innocent eyes a big wonder about the human need for one..)
I'd like to leave you with this, & hope this wild world wouldn't get to your soft <3s
Peace out :)
Friday, October 17, 2008
I remember when I was in school, our teachers used to tell us whenever we got messy in class that we turn it to a fish market! Every time they’d say that, I wonder, why fish market? A fish market is one very organized place to go to, at least to me!
Every Thursday was a sea food day.. I’d go with daddy to the fish market & get the freshest shrimps, fish & crabs.. And his curiosity sometimes brought along new kinds of sea animals :) We’d come home & then comes the cleaning of the shrimps & the smell, hmmmmmmmm, yu mmy ! It amazes me when people say that the fish market stinks! I LOVE the smell of fish! Yesterday, I went with daddy to the same old fish market (the one we haven’t been to a lot recently like we have in the past; due to dad’s frequent travels), & my oh my! The feelings that rushed through!
F e e l i n g s !
Cotton reels.. They mean so much to me.. Just by seeing them I see teta’s hands.. I see her beautiful grey hair.. I see so many colors.. I see my past, my present & my future..
Future.. Future has never been a scary thought to me.. It’s not that I haven’t seen dark days & had to step into pitch black rooms, on the contrary.. But I see others so scared.. So scared to an unbelievable extent.. I have friends who are so worried & their husbands are just as weak as a broken kite lost in a windy night.. Can’t you see the birds? Who fills them up? Who grants them mates? How do they feed their li’l ones? Just look at the birds coming to our balcony..
I heard this hilarious egyptian song today, it was funny! But funnily sad.. It says, “Mama I wanna get married, but I got no money, I work hard & save up, but I don’t even own a needle….”!!!! I wish the very same singer could sing about birds.. And if he may, about this beautiful bird of paradise..
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Days passed by, & with every cloud she saw & every dream she dreamt, the love in her heart grew bigger & stronger for all that’s surrounding her.. Starting from her Most Merciful Sustainer, all the way to the silent breathless things lying around; things just as precious as her old cherished pair of shoes.. And with the fact of her heart loving everything, the thought of his love scared her; ‘cuz it’ll be a brand new kind of condensed love.. A “double condensed” love that melts two in one.. A love that her ancestors once had.. A love she’s heard & read about that doesn’t have a home now, just as strange as Aladdin’s magic carpet.. Will she experience it, or will finding Aladdin’s carpet be an easier task, that she always wondered..
Right now, she’s in crossroads, yet again.. She needs a helping hand.. A guide.. A lighthouse.. A star.. A plan.. A plan a, b & whatever more she can get.. Her little plan now is to hold on to her old pair of shoes, & wait.. Why wait? ‘cuz she’s too sick to do anything else now..