Thursday, July 17, 2008

waqudsislaaaaam :)

(picture's source)

What in the world is ever cuter than this? I've always thought, why don't mothers fly up & down on being mothers? I mean, to me, it's everything that I ever wanted to be, ever since I was a li'l girl! A lotta friends of mine tell me that they never really thought much about kids before marriage, more than they thought of marriage itself & having their homes.. Man, having kids is all I thought about! Am I that weird? I even know the first lullaby I'll be singing my baby if I have any, it'll be this.. It breaks my heart seeing people mistreating their li'l ones or their elders.. Or not giving them importance.. How do they do it?




Sunday, July 13, 2008


(picture's source)

I sooooo wanna cry right now! I feel soooooooooo bad! What am I good for, like honestly? What? WHAT? What am I good for? Nothing! I'm good for nothing! Everyone around me is good for something & I'm good for N O T H I N G ! I can't even cook rice! aaaaaaaaarrrrrrghhhhhhhhh! I boiled the water & did everything as I was told, but it turned out like a total disaster! ugh! Why am I like that? Why can't I do anything properly from A to Z?

I'm so spoilt! Lived 22 years in extreme love & pamper & I feel guilty for that :( Look at me, I'm sitting in my very comfortable sofa, having a fresh pomegranate juice, protected from hungry eyes out there, choosing my dessert, having the best view, going canoeing & still whining! What do you call that?

God Knows how thankful I am for having all I'm having, but I'm scared of being questioned about all this, what am I gonna say then? I don't deserve all this! I know I don't! And now, I can't live without all this! Ya Rabbyyyyy! Thank You ya Allah! Your blessings are overwhelming me! I'm so sorry for not showing You the real gratitude that would fit Your Greatness & Mercy, but no one can ever dare show that! And I'm sorry for being so useless, I don't know what to do! I try my best, but I know, my best is always nothing!

I'm sorry :'(


Complete the following sentence please:

Sara is good for -----------------------.



Thursday, July 10, 2008

* Purple Smoke Tree *

As we were watching this old lady talk today, mama remembered her grandma's smell.. Her grandma passed away over twenty something years ago & all of a sudden her smell was all around mum.. She drifted & remembered 'em old days.. I started thinking: Oh Dear God, will I reach a point in time where I'll be in loss of my loved ones! God, no please, no!

I hardly ever walk alone, but today was one of 'em rare days.. It was getting darker & darker & I pushed myself to.. The sky was reddish black, the moon half shiny, the tree leaves dancing along with the push of the light breezes & the world looking sadder than ever.. My skirt was floating along with me & my feet were fighting against gravity.. I was trying to think of all positive things; I started my walk with tens of "alhamdulillah"s, but loneliness was all I was thinking about.. What if I'll have to walk down this road all alone? What if I'm forced to? What if, what if?

God, why am I toooooo much? I'm always toooooo much! My chest tightens with all those feelings.. Do others feel as much as I do? And if they do, why am I seeing cold cold hearts everywhere? I wish I was just a li'l bit less.. Just a li'l..

This purple smoke tree is too beautiful, ain't it? Do you see it as I do? Do you feel it as I do? Why do people see differently? I mean, I know why, but don't you sometimes need to see together? Feel together? Well, I do..

I'm going to watch The Celestine Prophecy before reading it, is that okay Abdo? I found the movie before the book! Without even looking for it, it was right there before my eyes! Ain't it funny how you bump into things? And isn't even funnier how you look for things & other things come up?

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Z a M i L o O n I

After ending the Friday's prayer, that was held last week on the 4th of July 2008, the Imam announced that we'll be praying on a brother's body.. As we got ready for the special prayer, he announced that this brother, brother Ahmed, may Allah Have Mercy on his soul & forgive him, died on the 15th of May 2008 & his body has been kept in the hospital all this time! This is how far our ummah has reached brothers & sisters.. This far!

A lotta things make me weep easily now.. But before I go, I'd like to say thank you Native Deen! Thank you for making our day :) You guys are in my prayers.. May Allah assist you in sending your beautiful messages to the world.. Amen :)

Thursday, July 03, 2008

I want..

The difference between want & need is big, right? Like a big big difference? Right? It's pretty amazing knowing what you want & what you need.. & what's more amazing is working for that.. Working with all your heart..

I want so many things.. And need so many things.. And so do you.. And so do they.. But have you ever been through the pain of wanting & needing for others? That's even more painful than for your own self.. Don't ya think?

Pudding is one of the cutest things I've ever seen! He's cute & yummy to a limitless extent :) And he loves scaring me! He knows of my weak heart & enjoys laughing at me :D


"New things, old things.. Just a couple of things or maybe nothing at all." said by Abdo here a couple of months ago & speak of all the unspoken.. Just a couple of things or maybe nothing at all.. God, I wish I was good with words.. I really do.. The streams flowing inside of me are longing to be heard.. Hope they'd be some day.. For if they don't, I'll go as if I never came & die through time..

So, here I am, wishing you all happiness in your very hearts & praying for a better us all throughout the brief moments we're here to live :)