Sunday, December 31, 2006
color & so many other questions.On Christams day when I entered the nursing home I had this morbid feeling all around me. The nurse came & said I can sit with anyone I like. I saw someone sitting next to the window, sunlight was twinkling on his face through the window glass, I wanded my way towards him & petted on his slender shoulders. A coy smile teased his lips, he got up, hands tensely dug in his pockets and said HI to me, I smiled back & said nice to meet you "S" but I know he didn't even remember his name. I held his hand & we sauntered slowly down the hallway & all of a suddenhe said "FROOOOO" I acted like a skeptical listener & said pardon me? but he went quiet, I saw a glimmer of disapproval in his eyes. We continued to saunter our way down the hallway. Asked him to relax and offered him a chair, he said thanks and sat down. I started reading his history from the file one of the nurses handed me like how he got here & what happened to him. What I found out that he was a very good immigration lawyer, he left practicing since Alzeihmer's attacked him & he used to pet FROGS from all around the world !!We talked for a while. He asked few things about me. I made a frog on a paper & asked him what is it? He kept looking at it but couldn't recall the name. It was heart wrenching & I could see the dying embers of his past from his face which seemed so insipid. He wanted to share so many stories with me but he couldn't, I saw tears welled down his cheeks :( I couldn't control myself & started weeping as I felt so bad for him not just for him for all the patients who are suffering from Alzeihmer's & I have a very soft corner for them in my heart...I wish & pray for their health from the deepest core of my heart. Anyways when he saw me weeping he timorously took few steps towards me & said "I like you." He wiped his tears & tittered. I was so baffled he kept surprising me, I smiled back while blowing my nose. He held the paper tight in his hands with an impish look in his eyes, after staring at it for next few minutes with a huge frown he said FROG in a croaky voice, I forgot crying & started jumping all over ther place. I hugged him tightly & cackled. I promised him I'm gonna come & see him again."
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Now lets see what Sara’s collage holds:
*Ara & Leanne.. They’ve been on my mind almost all the time.. Really wanna see them..
Wanna hug Ara & tell her that it is all fine as long as she feels God’s presence, & also wanna let her know that maybe what’s happening to her is a reason to see what’s important and what’s not.. Wanna give Leanne a big fluffy teddy that has Leanne written on it & tell her seek more, & never will you lose, seek and you shall find.. Never give up Leanne, Leanne, you have the freedom to be you.. Be Leanne & never lose faith, you shall worry when you lose it.. Never let go of faith, it’s the only thing that never ends..
*What Belya said about almost everything, that sounded so true and serene to me.. Funny part is, I never knew what his name meant, until mama told me that belya is the title the mechanic’s assistant gets in Egypt..
*Momekh & baba’s smoking.. I pray that momekh’s experience went successful & baba would have one jut like his..
*Wanna know what’s tarabeza’s linguistic root.. It means a table in egyptian..
*Nour (habeby bro) switching to bio-med in Carleton.. Hope it’s the right choice bro.. I miss him terribly.. Miss his smell, words, eyes & especially mama & baba’s smile while he’s being there for them.. Pudding’s way of looking up to him.. Ala'a's endless joy with him..
*Being on facebook & joining groups all over the world.. Quiet intresting experience..
*But worst of all, seeing a man being hung.. Thank God I didn’t watch it all the way.. It affected me deeply.. But you know what the best part is? Allah being there is the best part.. He knows it all.. Anyhow, have you ever watched the green mile?
May Allah grant us the ability to accept the things we can't change, the strength to change the things we can & the wisdom to always tell the difference..
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
like an unexpected dream.
Unreal in a landscape of his own
I could fight neither fire nor water.
Circumstances mould boundries
Our hearts smashing through
Invisible wings carrying us
meeting halfway ascending the staircase to heaven
stepping through time
We journeyed through to the Soul
of the other
the journey transcended both our
The meeting of spirit bearing gifts
Like the four corners of a blanket
Being drawn together
Soul, Heart, Mind and Body
It is here that I find my peace.
A delicate instruction of Heave made manifest
But promised to another
The liquid in my veins ruptured
My wings dissolved.
Barely had I known this stranger
Barely had I heard his name on my breath
And yet his abscence
A transparent hole in my life
Visible to none other than myself
A sacred meeting took place
in space and time
hidden from me
hidden from him
I can only think
This has been no mere twist of fate,
no lucky accident at all.
Because the Love we know,
Flows up from the ground, bursting forth
It pours from the Heavens
Trying to step aside
I am surrounded
I am covered
One as much as the other
It breathes a life of it's own
So unfathomable, yet simple, effortless
Heaven has chosen to share her Light with us
Do we shine it onto this world
Do we choose it, or the insipid wantings and wanings of this world
"Love one Another"
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
And the pharmacist gamme two different kinds of the same pills, so guess what I asked my granny when i called her on the phone, to ask her which one to buy?!?!? No really, just guess?!
Normally, I should read for her what's written on the box (and that would mean, me telling her that there is one that has 2mg & the other 5mg) or at least ask the pharmasict what's the difference between both.. But NO!!
That ain't sara!!
sara is far too babyish for such a grown up act!!
I, ON MY OWN ACCORD, TOLD HER:
"Teta (granny in egyptian), there are two boxes, one is red, and the other is maroon, so which one do you want?"
May Allah grant us the spur-of-the-moment that isn't haram.. Amen :)
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
That perhaps are heavy
For example I know that I am a short distance
Between two pavements
I cross it with all my speed… why?
And because I plunge on/venture out with my voice
I always stumble on/trip over the air
And the first drop that trickles from my forehead
Instead of drying out
I look in a light way at things
I know to be heavy
That is a moment of truth
As for me, I am pure imagination
A buzzing light
Crashing around in a thicket/bush
And whoever finds my words
Will find a large stone
You can easily Throw it in my face.
"Speed" By ...
So after watching this, you better watch it!!
**Sura 75, Resurrection (Al-Qeyaamah)**
[75:0] In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
[75:1] I swear by the Day of Resurrection.
[75:2] And I swear by the blaming soul.
[75:3] Does the human being think that we will not reconstruct his bones?
[75:4] Yes indeed; we are able to reconstruct his finger tip.
[75:5] But the human being tends to believe only what he sees in front of him.
[75:6] He doubts the Day of Resurrection!
[75:7] Once the vision is sharpened.
[75:8] And the moon is eclipsed.
[75:9] And the sun and the moon crash into one another.
[75:10] The human being will say on that day, "Where is the escape?"
[75:11] Absolutely, there is no escape.
[75:12] To your Lord, on that day, is the final destiny.
[75:13] The human being will be informed, on that day, of everything he did to advance himself, and everything he did to regress himself.
[75:14] The human being will be his own judge.
[75:15] No excuses will be accepted.
Muhammad Forbidden from Explaining the Quran
[75:16] Do not move your tongue to hasten it.
[75:17] It is we who will collect it into Quran.
[75:18] Once we recite it, you shall follow such a Quran.
[75:19] Then it is we who will explain it.
[75:20] Indeed, you love this fleeting life.
[75:21] While disregarding the Hereafter.
[75:22] Some faces, on that day, will be happy.
[75:23] Looking at their Lord.
[75:24] Other faces will be, on that day, miserable.
[75:25] Expecting the worst.
[75:26] Indeed, when (the soul) reaches the throat.
[75:27] And it is ordered: "Let go!"
[75:28] He knows it is the end.
[75:29] Each leg will lay motionless next to the other leg.
[75:30] To your Lord, on that day, is the summoning.
[75:31] For he observed neither the charity, nor the contact prayers (Salat).
[75:32] But he disbelieved and turned away.
[75:33] With his family, he acted arrogantly.
[75:34] You have deserved this.
[75:35] Indeed, you have deserved this.
[75:36] Does the human being think that he will go to nothing?
[75:37] Was he not a drop of ejected semen?
[75:38] Then He created an embryo out of it!
[75:39] He made it into male or female!
[75:40] Is He then unable to revive the dead?
PS the italic ayays were read in the videos by the recitor.. And you can listen to surah 75 here, I love this recitor's way of reciting it!!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Obay is this li'l boy who truly loves me..
But what's the story, and why?
Well, in the previous school I taught in (for a month only), I had to teach grades 4 kids English subject for like three days, and then, had to carry on with grades 2.. I connected soooooo much with the kids, but there was this li'l sweetheart who got connected waaaaaaaaaaaay too much.. He got really upset after the 3 days ended, and went up to all the teachers and even the academic supervisor begging 'em to get me back.. But they couldn't help him.. Not at all.. So he would come up to me everyday in the breaks, to ask me to teach them.. I tried giving him candies and explaining to him that it's not in my hands.. But still, he wouldn't accept it.. Teachers told me that it's all 'cuz of me giving them candies, and that he wanted more.. How sad is that?! Wallahi adults suck.. can't two ppl connect without any materialistic gains?! I felt bad.. I was like, NO PEOPLE, it's because he really loves me..
So how do you know he loves ya?
Well, yesterday (after a month from leaving the school), my friend Batoot, who teaches there, called me and told me that he still asks for me and got me candies!! And, all the teachers knew then that it IS real, and he doesn't want my candies..
So what now?
I wanna say that it's really heartrending knowing and realising that in the Muslim world there are hardly teachers who know how to connect with kids.. I'm not praising myself by any means , and God is my witness, I'm just sad that Muslims forgot how the Prophet of Allah (may peace and blessings be upon him) connected with them li'l angels!!
I just wanna say I LOVE YOU OBAY AND WISH ALL ADULTS ARE LIKE YOU.. AND HERE YOU GO, I DEDICATE THIS SONG TO YOU AND ALL THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD..
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
And oh, then, they talked about (Emerson specifically) how reality is spiritual(& that I agreed with), and that “every natural fact, is a symbol of some spiritual fact"..
BUT then, they said that ROMANTICISM goes against RATIONALISM.. Then I got upset again.. And I believe it’s okay to be upset for Allah and His light.. And I think that’s where SUPERMAN came from.. With his disgusting outfits!!
Friday, December 01, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
THAT'S MY PROBLEM!
I guess its deeply rooted in me, since my childhood or something..
I’ve never completed my notes, always had to copy ‘em “later” or ask Daddy for photocopying!! And you know why, ‘cuz I write slowly and neatly trying to be perfect!! ‘cuz my mom wants me to be so!!
It’s so complicated!!
It’s not the “incomplete notebook” or the “incomplete homework”, or “studying in the last minute” before getting into the examination hall, or "handing in my project" after the deadline with Rubzy's help!!!!!!! It’s much more than that.. & NOW, It’s transformed to relationships and more!!
I’m not perfect, and no one is, but I need that perfect someone for me.. Guess it’s too much to ask!!
Anyhow, I’m quitting my job!! Dunno if that’s related, but guess this explains something too..
Dunno if THIS (The Relative Best) is related but it made sense to me..SOMEHOW!
SOS..I need HELP!
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
"How obvious is it that i LOVE textures??? and nature patterns, and soft, warm, comfy materials . . ."
". . . i'll be watching you behind the trees, i'm afraid there's nothing behind the ocean . . . :)"
I totally know what she's talking about!! I'm a material freak!! Like I can't sleep without rapping this very soft li'l cover around my feet, & this thing has been there for me since day 1 on this planet!! And oh, I can't sleep on simply anything!! and there are certain rituals... and .... Anyhow, I don't know if I'm getting the idea across, but I'm glad I filled you in with this weird side bloggy ;) There's a lot more, but I don't wanna freak you out :) Hope you accept me for who I am!!
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
More about this ayah here...
Sunday, October 22, 2006
/\ /\ /\ UP UP UP /\ /\ /\
Well, that's the dream I've been having eversince I started dreaming!!!
I've frequently dreamt of flying up, my body going lighter, and people around me (different people everytime) watching me astonishingly... so I try not to go
higher; so that they wouldn't feel bad for not being able to get as high as myself... and at other times I don't (fly higher); as I worry that if I went higher it would hurt descending back down!!!!!! I don't know what's this all about, but its gorgeous, actually unbelievable!! Me feeling this LIGHT :)
May Allah ease our hardships and lighten our burdens... Amen.
".....Like walking around with little wings on my shoes,
My stomach's filled with the butterflies,
Ooh, and it's all right,
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud,
I'd got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down,
If I'd said I didn't like it then you'd know I lied,
So I'll say why don't you and I,
Get together and take on the world and be together forever,
Heads we will, Tails we'll try again,
So I'll say why don't you and I,
Hold each other and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven,
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in....."
/\ why dont you and i /\
by Carlos Santana Chad Kroger
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
"JUST WONT QUIT - By Meat Loaf
And I never really sleep anymore,
and I always get those dangerous dreams
And I never get a minute of peace,
and I gotta wonder what it means
And I gotta wonder what it means
Maybe it’s nothing and I’m under the weather
Maybe it’s just one of those bugs going round
Maybe I’m under a spell and it’s magic
Maybe there’s a witch doctor with an office in town
Oh is this a blessing or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever or is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds or just a little cheaper than spit?
(I don’t know what it is)
I don’t know what it is but it just won’t quit
I somehow or the other end up quoting meat loaf songs. Maybe someday I will meet him or the writer Jim Steinman and over a cup of coffee we will discuss how his writings and my life stem from the same seed maybe. And a million of other listeners who bougth the music have the same feelings. Thats why Meat Loaf is what he is. Anyways, besides the point.
I sit here tonight, and I have no point to make. Just a song I was listening to and it just began to make sense. I dont know what it is but it just wont quit. Heh.
Sometimes I dont like what I am becomming. Or has become. I know for a fact that humans have the power to change the world just by changing themselves. I know I can change. But what if I think that I dont need to. What if my follies are what I think are my assets? What if my mistakes and misses are considered by me as my triumphs and goals?
Seriously, love is the power that binds. Is it? It has an unimaginably short shelf life. Is that what binds? Nope. Its not that love.That kinda love is what has been commercialized beyong repair. The love that binds is based on commitments, not on impulse. The real love stems from nothing but commitment. The raw passion with which you tell yourself that you will. Everyday. That is real love. And that love can be for you God, your spouse or your family n friends. That sort of love is pure. It does not have the selfishness, the self-loathing or the fears associated with the commercialized love.
There is no thing as unconditional love. Only God has the right and the Power to do such a magnificient feat - that of unconditional love. humans are not capable. Mothers are the closest who come to giving unconditional love to their children. Love without a purpose is like a rebel without a cause - useless. Unconditional love as interpreted by most is somewhat equal to blind faith. Blind Trust. That is again not possible by humans. One has to show that trust, that love. Even to God. That is why even God doesnt demand it. God wants you to find Him through His signs, not just believe and trust in Him blindly. As has been clearly said in the Quran. In the heavens and the Earth, God has put signs for people of understanding. To intrepet and ponder over, to do what humans should and can do - think. The other part of their time is for action. Think and Act. Preferably in that order.
So now as I sit here… hurting in more than one ways, I think of all the times that I have let people I love down. And even worse, let people down who love me back. And I do need to act. Make ammends. I can say, with my eyes and heart bowing down in Praise, that I have people who love me. My girl, my family and my friends. And I need to make ammends. Find within the love that binds, not that just hurts."
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Friday, October 13, 2006
--by no traces--
It's all good, we have to take it if 'God wills' for it to happen.. but you know what sucks? when 'we will' it to ourselves... Then it sucks... 'cuz then, we cause this pain to ourselves... & by then, to whine or not to whine won't be the question... Its the action... I know I'm not making any sense,
so I'll try to make things clearer...
I was working in this amazing lovely school, but I knew from the start that the position i held wasnt meant for me.. (I taught the KG level, and I knew that its soooo not me...) Its not of my character to deal with this sensitive age... But I 'shelved' this for some other reasons... I suffered severe back pains,(as I already have back problems) & that was 'cuz of my emotional stress more than my physical... Thing is, I love dedication in whatever I do, and that was lacking... Or in other words, I tried my best, but the outcome wasn't all that...
But a week ago, I said NO... I couldn't take it anymore... And yesterday was my last day there...
Moreover, sub'hanAllah, right after taking the desicion, I got another job offer from the school I graduated from to teach grade 4... That was a blaaaaaast :) I taught previously grades 1 to 5, and thats THE age I can deal with competently... 6 and above...
Praise belongs to Him, my Sustainer and yours...
Pray for me to do it right all the way :) :) :)
Sunday will be my first day over there...
May ALlah grant us all tawfeeq... Amen.
PS... TRY NOT TO POSTPONE! IT AIN'T RIGHT!
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
We take, take and take... And then cling, cling and cling...
Lorraine said:“In dying we live, in living we die”
It’s all coming to an end… Its not worth it…This clinging…
Clinging, clinging & clinging…
My heart is aching… It’s so serious…
Oh my Lord, let me return to You with a good heart. Amen.
Monday, October 09, 2006
"We all do that, mistaking luck for protection, or thinking that the most awful thing won't happen, precisely because it's so awful. It's as if we believe in
Well, I wanna post here on 'ayah from the holy Qur'an, that would hopefuly help you see better... And please try to contemplate as hard as you can...
"GOD never burdens a soul beyond its means: to its credit is what it earns, and against it is what it commits. "Our Lord, do not condemn us if we forget or make mistakes. Our Lord, and protect us from blaspheming against You, like those before us have done. Our Lord, protect us from sinning until it becomes too late for us to repent. Pardon us and forgive us. You are our Lord and Master. Grant us victory over the disbelieving people."
"Deserve's got nothing to do with it."
You said: "This isn't a very heavy burden, and I can't complain, since I've learned something."
See, God's words are right? don't you think?
Uzma Mazhar said:
"Trust is the most basic building block in relationships."
And the most important relationship of all, is your realtionship with the Lord Almighty... it leads to a very successful and healthy chain of relationships... So we better strengthen & keep our trust in Him... The One & Only...
Uzma Mazhar also said regarding the Scope of 'Wellness':
"Wellness approaches life from the perspective that all human beings function at four levels: the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual levels. For optimum health we need to look at the whole person. Each of these aspects/levels impact on the well-being of the individual. Just picking the dimension of wellness that you like and ignoring the others doesn't work in the long run......." The key is to "get beyond the distractions"
TRUST >>>> WELLNESS !!!!
"............There is no concrete wellness formula. You have to discover what works for you. And don't try to be perfect in creating one... take it easy on yourself. ;-)"
"...I actually wasn't thinking in any faith or religious way in particular, but in the form in which humans come to find Trascendency _for me, Its name is Allah The Highest. And how this way remains across space and time."
10/09/2006 1:54 AM
WAY ACROSS SPACE AND TIME!!
Saturday, October 07, 2006
ALLAH... OH ALLAH...
I feel love beacause of You...
ARA, DEAREST, HOLD ON...
I dont know who said that it was easy
So hold in to this moment cause it might just be what you need
Its the trails of life, its the rain and the night
Amen brother Ali eldin Mohamed ElKasaby... Amen.
Thing is, we're so forgetful... SOOOOO forgetful!!!!
However, I'ld like to add something to what
you said... You said that this pathway seems so long, and guess what?! On the day of judgement, we'll all think of it as a day or a part of a day!! So we better get prepared... And these holy days are a huge support...
May Allah guide us all to what pleases Him, and eventually land in Jannah... Or in other words, fly to Jannah... Amen. :)
"…When I pass I dont wanna leave a life of regret
So I give rise to change today by trying not to forget
That pleasures do pass and sunrises end
and stars do fade away
But its a love and its virtue and honor and truth
that remain for all days.
And I believe tonight is the night that I decide
That i get busy living and I get ready to die
So that when the fateful day does come
when Im six feet in the ground
The poor and the weak and the orphans and meek
will miss having me around
I want that final breath to be the sweetest of all
And it will be with certainty if I answer that call
To help all those in need and decipher the meaning of life
Cause the seekers of truth, they fear not death
any more than they fear life…"
Saturday, September 30, 2006
But it differs from a person to another, you get to
LOVE what you know, & then SERVE it in a way... I announce my love for Allah... & then comes everything that goes with that...
not a circle, but rather a straaaaaaaaaight line... parallel... u name it... It takes us to know first.... know real hard... then love truly... & serve in accordance... BUT it differs... Depending on WHAT... what you're getting to know.... Got it? So you better know right! In other words reconsider what you're knowing; 'cuz it might be not all that... Oops, or I better say what you're already serving, 'cuz I belive you're way beyond knowledge, and therefore beyond love... RECONSIDER...
Friday, September 22, 2006
Why are they like that?! How did they get this far?!
How did they transform and lose touch with their native nature?!
However I have to thank someone... Last weekend, we were at this wedding, and after it was over, on our way out, while going towards the car, a lot of cars were passing by, and had their lights on, right on us, so direct, exposing us from top to toe... But there was this ONLY car, that lowered its front lights (you know, when you can make the front lights not so strong, I dunno what u call it..) as soon as they saw us, all the way until they made sure they passed us, & then they turned it high again... So thank you Mr. courteous driver... May Allah cover you in this life and the next... Amen.
And hey, why do weddings have start so late, and stay up the whole night? Why hotels? Why pay ppl to hit the drums for 'em? Pay ppl to put on fake smiles and feed 'em??? Can't we feed ourselves no more????!!!
LIFE AIN'T ALWAYS WHAT IT SEEMS TO BE!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Bring me a bouquet of taqwa
Whose scent will embed in my heart
Forewarning me of my creator's presence
With every petal of this world that I pull off
Iman displays in the glass of my eyes as it is in my view
Reminding me of Allah and his majesty
The thorns of this life are many, but the rivers of the next are too
With every thorn that I accidently pass my fingers on, I see the power of my creator
Through his might I may gain or I may sense pain
Taqwa brings forth a heart beating constantly with full alertness of the mind
The bouquet of taqwa can only be given by the best of providers,
I kneel down on the ground helplessly gathering of what I can
And blindly forget, granting me a bouquet of taqwa is not in the creation's hands.