Sunday, March 26, 2006

A BROKEN SMILE! 'CUZ IT'S A MUST ONE!

While waiting outside the locked door, I could see them laughing, talking, gossiping and not realizing that what’s going on behind that door could literally rupture me down… I’m waiting and still waiting. Can’t hear anything, and I feel that the door is like a big huge mountain with no feelings!! Can’t it help me by telling me what’s going on the other side? Or at least pass me a glimpse? How harsh that door was! And then I try cooling down, but it’s truly hard to do so! A few slow minutes later, I hear them laughing in there. But to your surprise, that got me more worried, as I felt that that laughter was so loud, fake, and sarcastic, that it wanted to cover something worse coming on the way! I wanted to break that door so bad! I wanted to stop thinking! I wanted a lot of things to happen that I got so weak and eventually unable to even want. I could feel my palms dripping wet, and my heart, oh Allah, I felt that everyone could hear it beating, except me, as I was too busy to notice that! That was the saddest morning of my life, I can’t recall any other traumatic moment than this one, and it just beats them all! Eventually, the door opens, and with it opening I shut down! Just as you can shut this monitor, but with the CPU on! Yes, I could feel my senses so aware of everything, like never before, but it was me not wanting to realize that! She opens her mouth, and I pray with all my might that it’s all good! But it wasn’t! And then I remember the sixth pillar of my faith, believing in destiny, with all that it brings, whether good and bad! Or at least we think is bad but I shouldn’t forget that: [2:286] “GOD never burdens a soul beyond its means: to its credit is what it earns, and against it is what it commits. "Our Lord, do not condemn us if we forget or make mistakes. Our Lord, and protect us from blaspheming against You, like those before us have done. Our Lord, protect us from sinning until it becomes too late for us to repent. Pardon us and forgive us. You are our Lord and Master. Grant us victory over the disbelieving people.”

She tells me that she has a p--- something, Wallahi I couldn’t hear the word and I asked here again “what say?” she said p something, and I gave up, and asked her “so what does that mean?” she’s like “a small lump sort of thing, but not harmful” or whatever she said… I bursted through the door, to hear what the doctor is saying about the dearest person to me on the face of earth, the person whom I’m literally a part of… and he says things that I never wanted to hear…

All praise is due to Allah the Lord and Master of the worlds, worlds that we don’t know off before the one we live in. He is Raheem, I have no doubt…
Please pray for her, pray for the heart of my heart, pray for MAMA.

5 comments:

sara said...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH! I ALMOST FORGOT...
WELL, BROTHER JAWWAD, I FORGOT TO APPOLOGIZE FOR NOT ANSWERING YOUR COMMENT...
AS YESTERDAY I DELETED THE POST TO RE-POST IT WITH TEXT, SO YOUR COMMENT AUTOMATICALLY GOT DELETED ALONG...
THESE ARE EGGS WITH CHEESE ON TOP, I MADE IT FOR MY LI'L BRO FEW MONTHS AGO.

Jawwad S said...

sister everything awrite ? i hope yes..didnt c any post .. its nearly a week thats why asking
Wasalam

sara said...

TRYIN TO PULL MYSELF BACK TOGETHER... TRYIN TO LOOK AT THE FILLED HALF OF THE CUP...

Small Blue Thing said...

I´ll do. My love for Sara´s Umi, all my heart relays with you, flowers of the dessert.

Love and salams
your taliba

sara said...

IM FLATTERED....
UR MY MUDARRISA....
I LOVE YOU...
MAY ALLAH ASSIST US ALL IN OUR STRUGGLES OF THIS LIFE...AMEN.

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YA SOOOOOOO MUCH....
HOWS IT GOING?