Thursday, August 16, 2007

؟ot ererhw?

It's not up to us in the end.. Nah ah.. We dream, plan, do & hope, but yet, it eventually turns out the way it was written for it to turn out to be.. It’s like staying here,
in Cairo.. It wasn’t planned out in the first place.. And then got all planned.. Come on bla bla.. Do so & so.. And leave on bla bla bla & so forth.. Half way through & then the trip supposedly came to it’s planned end.. So we pack & get ready to leave, say goodbyes & find no seats.. Come back unpack & try again.. And again no seats on the plane.. Eventually we end up staying over here for some more unplanned time.. And have those sweet hot dishes.. It was written for us to have them.. And buy those colorful scarves with the most beautiful patterns.. It’s like the other day, we were starving, & so we went round and round looking for a fancy place to eat.. We pass them all by & end up eating some cheap tasty pasta with sauce that was sold on the street :) WoW! Our problem is, we are impatient.. And very doubting.. Every one now walks with their heads looking at all directions & their eyes all over the place.. mjhtcrkytrexydrujhjheuiohgrfvndk;ghifdugkjfdcbngiu.. Whatever it means.. Last night, on the highway, we passed by this cemetery & I was thinking to myself, now what? What? WHAT? Where to? Why the rush? Someone passed away in our building while my fourth cousin came to life.. Welcome Jannah.. Welcome on board.. Hope your stay turns out to be a happy one taking you to the real big Jannah.. Amen.. Funny thing, Egyptians pronounce ja as ga.. They say gannah.. It kills me.. IT’S JANNAH.. And umm Jannah, get well soon :) Abu jannah.. May Allah grant you the strength to take care of jannah & her mama.. Amen.

“The human being is impatient by nature. I will inevitably show you My signs; do not be in such a hurry.”
-- Qur’an 21:37 --


Iman,Ihsan & Islam said...

sis thats the problem with us (human beings). We think we have control over our lives like we can choose when to die (just imagine people saying im not ready to die, as if they are god and as if they can stop the angel of death). We spend so much time looking for things to fill the empty void in us all that can only be filled by having a personal connection with God, through worship.

May allah bless and protect you little cousin from the fitnah of this world and make her among those that are righteous. And may allah bless her parents as well.

sara said...

Amen :)

We (human beings) got some serious problems sis :(

I swear to God my serious wish is to die sooooooooo soon while being on the right foot.. I almost hate our world more & more everyday..

LuLu...! said...

"mjhtcrkytrexydrujhjheuiohgrfvndk;ghifdugkjfdcbngiu"........ SIS HELP.....ALL IM THINKIN ABOUT IS THIS really touched by it...!!!! (wonder where did u get ur mind from??? soo2 2el 7orra) LOL...!

sara said...

OH MY GOD.. Sis, that is sooooooo not u, soo elhorra :) :) :) :) LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Anonymous said...

Although, it sounds good what you have said about wishing to die.

Wishing to die is not allowed.Despair is also not allowed.

The Prophet said' If you have a tree to plant and you see the day of judgement coming, plant the tree (thats hope).

This world goes round on hope. Hope is everything.

To have a long life is a gift from Allah as it gives us more time to do good deeds.

Feeling sad and hatred about the bad things happening around is a good thing. A motivation to do good.
Our duty is to invite people to good and discourage bad. We are not responsible of success. Its in Allah's hand.
I can't believe, someone like you can be disappointed with the world.


sara said...

WALLAHI so very extremely disappointed..

My hope is to die of course while being on the right track.. Yup, that's MY hope.. I don't know about a person like me, but that's MY wish..

Anonymous said...

We all wish to die while on the right path.

Disappointment ?
With what ?
Establish the cause and then its easy to deal with it. Talking / writing about, is one way to release the pressure / pain.

The Prophet has said " Good days are followed by the bad days and the bad days are followed by the good days". We all go through the phases. Surely, there are people around the world who are in worst conditions than yourself (i.e whatever you have seen or experienced,etc.).

Another Hadith is " There will come a time when trying to be on the right path will be like holding burning coal in the hand ".
Not everyone is stong to resist the temptations of this world.

In adverse situations/conditions, one needs to be strong and brave. Its testing times ?
During the farwell Haj, the Prophet said " whoever holds on to the book of Allah and my Sunnah will not go astray".

Most of the times, its not easy to know yourself. I believe, you are strong and brave.

I can go on writing forever...

But let me stop here with a sincere wish that the Hope prevails over the your disappointments at earliest.


sara said...

“Most of the time, it’s not easy to know yourself”.. You know something Mr. S.? Sometimes I feel like I totally understand my being & in total control & know exactly where I wanna go.. Nevertheless, at other times, I don’t get me.. I’ve always felt that I have a lot to give out but there’s not even one single way for the universe to accept.. I don’t really want anything.. Never wanted anything for me.. Yeah, I’ve always loved shoes & perfumes ;) But that’s not what I mean.. You know what I mean, right?

To tell you the truth, I’m almost 24/7 disappointed :( And I mean literally disappointed.. Like seriously!! With people, people & people.. Never was I disappointed with my kitty.. Nor was I disappointed with the car breaking down.. Never have I been disappointed with my failures nor others’.. I’ve been continuously disappointed with the “mature adult human beings”..

But since I got used to being disappointed; I think we should use a different word now.. Dunno what that word would be, but it’s another level beyond disappointment.. I’m not saying I gave up on all human beings, or even the worst of them.. On the contrary, I try with each & every breath to plant a seed.. That I promise you.. But me wishing for death is not solely ‘cuz of my disappointment.. It’s ‘cuz ever since I was a kid & was introduced to the term “death”, I understood that it’s what I wanted most.. I wanted it before I reach the age of puberty age.. Before I become accountable for all my deeds.. But never did my wish come true..

Last year in Ramadan, in the masjid, after the last rak’aah & supplication, I cried endlessly & couldn’t stop myself.. I only wanted to stop ‘cuz I wanted to avoid others’ looks & patting on my back.. I almost had an asthma attack.. I usually try as hard as I can to cover it, but that night, nothing could help me stop.. Anyways, the more minutes passed by, the more my weeping went louder.. And then, comes this old lady, sits next to me & go like “Habebty, why cry so hard? You’re still young, what wrong could you have possibly done that would cause you falling apart like that?!”.. I wanted to answer her, but obviously couldn’t back then.. I wanted to tell her, it’s because I’m young that I’m crying so hard.. I don’t really wanna live more.. I know you’d tell me live more to do more good.. But bad always finds its way, remember? I’m scared.. really am..

Okay, I know I’ve been talking for quiet a while now, but there’s this thing that I wanna share here that people I know never comprehend or believe.. I’ve always had this positive feeling that my ending with this dunya life would be so peaceful!! And never, for once, has this feeling changed :) WAllahi I sometimes, worry that I’d envy myself.. But that’s the complete truth! I’ve always had a strong faith in Allah.. He won’t let me down.. I let myself down at times, I’m human, but He’s Allah.. And I know I’m a true believer.. A sincere one inshaAllah.. How can I not be when my Lord & yours is Allah?

Ya Allah, you’ve always been so Raheem & Kareem with me, how dare I forget? Allah the times you’ve guided me? All the blessings you’ve blessed me with?

Mr. S., please pray for me whenever you remember me.. Please..

With respect,

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, We don't know ourselves because we aren't sure what to do.

You definitely have lot to give but the unverse is not ready. What can you do ?
You don't want anything for yourself (agreed).

Expectations ?

With the matured Adults :
1)Not seeing eye to eye,
2)Difference of opinion,
3)Perception gap,
4)Worries of not being accepted

Your frustation is understandable.

-- As long as you are on the right path, walk away from how others feel.
-- Certain things are within one's control and some aren't.
-- Try looking as third party (i.e standing outside the picture and watching as a person who has nothing to do with the situation).
-- Sow the seeds at every opportunity and not worry of the germination.
-- Agree to disagree.
-- You do not know everyone's circumstances.
-- Give benefit of doubt.
-- Do not expect.

I know, you aren't looking for solutions.
We all go through these feelings, state of mind at some stage in life (me included).You actually took me back when of your age. Similar feeling of disenchantment with everything around.

Your feelings are yours and no matter how much you try to put them in words, one needs feel to understand.

Do you know that you are overwhelming.

If its some comfort, You have been in my prayers since we met.


sara said...

“Your frustration is understandable.” By these words, you’ve surely made my day :)

May Allah reward you for it all Mr. S. Amen.

Thank you!

“My worship and my sacrifice and my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the Worlds.”