:(

 



To Cindy, With Love..

 

Cindy dear Cindy,

How are you? Hope you’re feeling good reading this.. Do you have any idea what you mean to me? This is to tell you and the world what you are to me……  :)

Years and years ago, when I first became a blogger, I started reading about you, your thoughts, feelings, dreams, passion and all, and guess what? I wished to someday come close only a bit close to how you are like; the writer you, the believer you, the activist you, the passionate you, the artistic you, the photographer you, the warm you, the organic you, the cook you, the neat you, just the very lovely you.. I don’t even know if you remember that I’ve emailed you wishing to hook you up with my bro, but he happens to be younger than you.. I felt your every word, every recipe, every dream, every picture, every share, every action, every sorrow, simply your everything..

Years passed, and my blogging went way less and I got so caught up with my life and my baby girl, but never did I EVER stop reading you.. And my admiration for you never went less.. And that day you said you’ll no longer write, my heart broke, ‘cuz there’s only ONE Organica in this world, and I didn’t want to lose touch with her..

After long months, that morning, after I’ve put Noona (my baby girl) to sleep for the millionth time, when I read your “No longer Muslim” post on my phone, I broke down in tears.. Wallahy cried my heart out and went into a bit of a depression for a few days and wanted to post a post for you, and never knew from where to start..

Today, on one of my toughest days, where I’m starting to toilet train Noona, with all the pee and poop and cleaning and all, I’m stealing time for you, to tell you lovingly:

Habebty, I wish Noona has a lot of what you have, and wish you’d know how special you are in my life and I’m sure many others.. Cindy habebty, wahidy Allah, He’s all you got, don’t lose that, don’t lose you.. I really don’t want you to be what YOU don’t want to be, trust me you don’t.. How could you trust me, you don’t even know me.. But wallahy I love you and know you well (if all you wrote was true), I really really know you..

Cindy billah ‘aleiky wahidy Allah and bloom yo! Don’t do this to me, to you, to humanity.. Yes humanity! You touched so many souls out there, and still do and I want you to take me higher like always.. Ha? You hate me? Billah ‘aleiky ya ahla Cindy out there, chill yo! Please?! Cindyyyyyyyy, Organicaaaaaaa Habebtyyyyyyy pleeeeeease………

Ah, ya Allah! I don’t know what to say! I just love you so much, admire you so much, and I am no preacher, I don’t pray on time sometimes, I’m such a terrible Muslim girl, bas I love you!

Please, don't be upset by anything I said, this is a love note, not more or less..

 

Respectfully,

One of your biggest fans :)

"Hummy"

 

"Hummy" is kookoo's way of saying "hug me" :) That was the last thing she asked me last night before going to sleep.. It's her first time saying it out loud.. Usually she asks for it by stretching her arms out for me to hug her.. Baby girl! She's a big girl now, expressing her needs out loud..

 

Gosh how hard it's been her not talking when she was younger and me never knowing what's bothering her or what she needed.. Now she babbles, sometimes clearly for me to understand, and at times it gets so difficult for me to get her.. And poor girl, she keeps on saying it and me not getting it for quite some time! "Mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama......" and she never gives up! Ah!

 

I love this pic of hers, in Yas Island, Nov. 2012, the weather was perfect, and it was an amazing day with amazing people.. Ya Allah, how hard it's become now for one to get all the people they love at the same time in the place they love.. I for one used to say I would never get married or even engaged without my close family members being all present, and here I went, got engaged, got married, had Noona, without my brother being present! Life is so much different when it comes to the real "it".. You plan and say all you want, but when it comes to real life, it doesn't always go your way.. I remember back in the teachers' room how amazed I was when a fellow teacher said that her mom couldn't make it to her wedding 'cuz of her sickness, and how the teacher never changed her wedding's date and made it without her mom! I was amazed, and yet, I've done the same thing!

 

How I miss you Brohy, how I wish you would have met husbandy and my babygirl.. I pray for this day to come soon and God would unite us all.. I feel that if husbandy sees you, he'd get to know me more..

 

World, enjoy every moment and never say never, life is too short and way too unexpected for us to plan it ALL.. Planning is needed, but it can never be perfect.. Less regretting, and more pessimism would make the sun come through our windows and break the ice..

 

And with Barney's "Mr. Sun" playing in the background I leave you peacefully, praying for light to fill the hearts of my loved ones and all the people around the world, amen.

 

And a special prayer for my li'l one:

 

Baby,

You don't have to be number one in the universe, You just have to be yourself and be your own number one in all you do.. "Ihsan" (i.e. perfection) is relative, so be the best you can with your own version of "ihsan", and that'd be what you're created for.. Laloo babygirl :D

 

Peace out :)

 

p.s. "Laloo" is Pateety's way of saying "i love you" :)

"surka"

 

"Surka" is Noona's way of saying "circle".. Noona is Zeina, my 21 months old babygirl.. She was babbling in her sleep last night: "surka surka", how cute is that! Her dreams and nightmares are all bubbly, circly, and maybe squary at times..

~

It's been a fun tough very very hectic ride since she was born.. I've been going round in cirlcles of feeding, changing nappies, hospitals,................ And here we go, as I was typing these words, she bumped her forehead into the table's edge :'( God how hard this is! I think it's me, I need to change as a mom.. I wanna get back to writing, sharing all about my life with her, learn more by reading more, and enjoy a bit more and lay back.. Enlightenment for myself and others is urgently needed! The extra weight, the load, the quick prayers, the worry, the sorrows, the running in surkas.. I need to get back to the straight line, to find a better way, a better me, for a better them..

~

So, Bahrain, that's where I am, and what a kingdom this is! You can't tell if it's a rich country or not.. The BD is worth around 10 AED, but yet in the UAE things are way "richer"(if I may say) than over here.. I dunno if a country's currency states its economical situation or not, but for a Gulf country, I expected more.. I've met Bahrainis in the mosque nearby, and they seemed like very kind sweet Muslims.. It was the first time for me to take Noona and go for a class, and it went pretty fine.. You can take your baby, but while making sure to keep 'em busy.. I swear I've stopped while typing this for about 10 times! But it's a start!

 ~

~

"You can throw your hands up
You can be the clock
You can move a mountain
You can break rocks
You can be a master
Don't wait for luck
Dedicate yourself and you can find yourself"

~ The Script ~ 

Mommy!

I am a wife.. I am a mom.. It all happened so quick.. Met the guy of my dreams.. Fell in love.. Got married.. Became a wife.. And now a mom.. this pic you see up here is what I got mom a few years ago.. I was the li'l girl in the pic.. And now.. Now I'm both, the li'l girl; the daughter and the mommy.. How, when, where..... I dunno.. It's the hardest job I've ever had.. Being a mommy.. I've been so busy being a mom, that I forgot all about being me.. Or is being me being a mom.. Yeah, I guess that's it.. A new me, that involves being a mom.. I'm writing this for me, before anyone else.. To tell myself out loud hey, it's a new me.. A new Sara.. Umm Zeina.. In other words, Umm Noona :) I don't have to only be Umm Noona and forget about me, I can be both, me and Umm Noona.. It's a bigger blessing than I could imagine.. Alhamdulillah :)

Noona is now 15 months old mashaAllah.. And I'm starting to wake up, and have sometime to believe, see and do.. It hit me first time when she started a few days ago calling me "mama" and "mommy".. All the hard work came to a beautiful outcome.. WOW! I've been seriously taking it so seriously, especially that I've been raising her half the time on my own with her daddy being away (to make our lives better, may Allah bless him and keep him safe for us, amen), and all the time without the help of my mom.. I forget to take pics like I always wanted.. Missed recording her first words.. I've been so busy being busy with her.. Maybe I'm slow, but it's all I could do..

NOW.. Now I need to start over.. I need to lay back a bit, watch her, and enjoy her and do all the things I've always wanted to do.. How I wanna let her walk on the green grass and help her not being scared of it like me.. Wanna see her laugh and never fall ill.. She's had a good share of hospitals and being sick.. Oh Allah, please keep her safe for us, my flower, my baby, amen :)

How I miss reading, writing, taking pics, goin in the sun.. Is it just me, or are there moms just like me.. I pray I'd do what's right, all her way long, and let her be our road to heaven, a lovely flower in this world, making it a better place, amen :)

I've missed you bloggy.. Peace out :)

P.S. To the best mom ever, I wish to be like you, I know it's hard, but I'm trying.. Love you mommy! Tatu :) (Noona's way of saying thank you ;)

(: here's to growing together :)

Remember when you saw this piece,
And said it’s written for us,
“It’s pointing at our little present,
That’s made just for us”..
Today as we grow together,
And you turn to this number you fear,
And tell me you’ve done nothing,
And refuse from me to hear..
Well here I am going to say,
The things you won’t approve of today,
So please try to believe me,
And not just read in dismay..
Knighty, oh my knightiest knight,
This day I say what’s right,
You’re The One whom have lightened my life,
And filled it with love, grace and lovely things in sight,
You were the one they all turned to,
After being the one with the very tightened shoe,
You were always chasing peace,
And tried all roads to say the least,
You’re life is like the spaghetti you love,
Quick, slippery, & saucy full of stuff,
Tangled, knotted, twisted & limitless,
Packed in a suitcase and shown in your fists,
Your presence is light just like your soul,
And adds comfort with one sentence roll,
You worry and care and try to always be fair,
And what you got you always share,
Trust me I’m not here to complement,
Or make you happy with words, its feelings that are meant,
To let you know that you’ve done much,
To my world, and others that are a bunch,
God only Knows the warmth you bring along,
And how much of His few good men you dream to become,
Today you’re a day older, with others who carry your name,
Others who always want to with you play this life game,
And be your comfort, your home, your delight, and honor for you,
Be your joy, this little something special, made just for you..

"On The Run"

(picture's source)

~

Hello bloggy, hello world,

~
Our worlds seem to be very similar, they’re always On The Run.. We’re always out of time, always planning to put things first and postpone others.. I just wanted to take a stop and ponder upon the fact that being on the run is never an excuse to postpone things that matter first..
~

We just lost a young life recently and none of us seemed to be ready to face such a thing.. It’s hard to see death so close and not freak out.. Don’t know why, but my fear of losing my loved ones grows every day of my life and beats all of my other fears.. Death is so close, but we tend to not want to see it coming our direction.. We subconsciencly push our fears away and are never ready to face ‘em..

~
I ask God to grant me and my loved ones and all of humanity compassion and strength to face what we don’t want to face.. There’s a very lovely prayer dear Mama asks for every now and then:
“Allahuma ij’alna ‘abeed ihsan, wala taj’alna ‘abeed ibtelaa’..”
“Oh God let us be slaves of your bliss, and not slaves who udergo your tests..”
AMEN!

~
May God rest A.M.’s soul in peace, and grant his family the patience until they meet with him in a far better place and us all, amen..

~
P.S. “On The Run” is the name of all the mini cafes that you’d find at most of the gas stations here in Egypt (how I miss my Oasis, sighs..)..

"Una palabra no dice nada....

~

~

(picture's source: Man on Fire)

~

~

.... y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo"

~ M O M ~

MOM, happy Mother's Day.. Happy Mother's Day everyday.. May your warmth keep on flowing filling our lives with this inner sakeena that we all carry 'cuz of you.. You're our pillar Mommy, you're our main course & our dessert.. Thank you for giving life to me, giving me your life, making me your life and growing my life bigger and making it fuller by handing me the best gift of life, by giving me the warmest mom in the universe :') Thank you for protecting me from me, thank you for making me the big girl that I am today, flying me over to the knightiest knight by giving me wings, while putting your hand on your heart praying for a happy new me.. I look up to you while doing it all.. You taught me love, without teaching it.. You're the best teacher mama.. You're the only teacher with no chalk no board no date, no homework, no assignments & no margin, you're the only one who teaches with that unbeatable big beating heart.. Your class is the best: lovely smell, most comfortable chairs, best colors that are found nowehere else, strongest brushes that never die, kids that turn to lovely big birds & walls filled with the biggest wings I've ever seen.. I try copying you mom, but it never works, I try to bring any similarity between my hands & yours, but to no avail.. Mama, will I be a mama like you? Or at least close? That's my biggest wish now mom.. Can't you train us? Show us how to practise your holy "unconditional love"? Can't you fly over to every home and grant them a touch of love that would make this world a more warmth-filled one? Wish I was in your arms now, and again not to give you anything, 'cuz I got nothin, but to take some from your rich river of goodness.. Happy day everyday mama, I LOVE YOU :')

~

~

"Spinning, laughing, dancing to
her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone

Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along

Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound

Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone"

~

~ Norah Jones ~

T o G e t H e r

E G Y P T = C H A N G E ........ That's where I'm at now, land of my ancestors & my offspring it seems! I guess you all know of the spin we're in down here, & the burst that's been going on around everywhere else.. Everyone's popping like popcorn and stretching with a hope for a better tomorrow.. I have nothing more to say about it here than what Nina had to say, she got it all right, you could watch her here ;)

~

Wish our world today wasn't this sad.. Wish things weren't this hard.. Wish everyone was happy and on their own they could stand.. But no.. This ain't the truth.. People aren't comfortable in their own shoes anymore.. They all want new ones all the time, ones with weird colors/shapes & non existing features.. Can't we just take them off for a day, walk barefoot and feel the ground, feel our weight and get lighter, get in touch with our Earth's spirit and run as far as our feet could carry us! Touch the sky maybe.. Grab a star.. Have a cloudy cotton candy and then nap over the moon........ Can't we! Or we could ask Flint Lockwood to make each one of us a lifelong fitting pair with our favorite color ;)

~

~

This picture on top is a thank you postcard sent to the man of my dreams, who watches out for me all the time.. Who carries me around striving to always share with me any found beauty.. Knighty, don't tire yourself, teslamly; simply 'cuz beauty & grace are within your very being, they only lie in you habeeby :) Thank you for your tenderness, thank you for being you, may you always shine through.. Bless your soul, heart, mind & body........ I...... I... I love YOU :)

~

~

I know I've posted this Jack Johnson song before, but I truly believe it's what we need:

"There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing, but I can try because this is your heart
Our dreams and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's so much better when we're together

Mmm, so much better when we're together
Yeh, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well it's so much better when we're together
Yeh, it's so much better when we're together

All of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
They'll be gone too, to many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression, I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be, we'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeh, so much better when we're together
Mmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's so much better when we're together
Yeh, so much better when we're together"

Sama :)

When did you last let your heart decide? I feel older today! And no, it ain’t my birthday or even close to that.. Maybe ‘cuz it’s been quite some time since I last sang with sis using our hairbrushes as our microphones, maybe? Maybe that’s why! Or maybe ‘cuz it’s been a while since I last drove so fast & raced.. Or since I crazily read a book, or pigged out, like really pigged out.. Been a while.. You see, a lot of the choices I make in my life are fully heartedly-based.. Rarely do I go logically.. I know that it doesn’t really make sense, but guess what, it works for me! Just like magic! Everyone walks their own path and only theirs.. No one walks anyone’s path.. So I can’t ever say how did I get here or what am I doing or what am I good for, ‘cuz no one can answer that except my very own self.. But what if I don’t know? Who’s this sad girl? Empty? What am I good for? I truly don’t know! Missing a lotta pieces of me.. Feel chattered as if I got shredded and spread all over the continents.. There’s this lump I feel in my throat suffocating me nowadays, is it just a feeling, don’t really know..

~

Miss my school kids & my lovely cousins so much & can’t believe I missed the delivery of their newest freshly heaven-made: SAMA :D Welcome to earth sweetie :) Kids here are so un-kidish, if I may say.. Unfortunately lost their innocence with their birth.. How’s my kiddo gonna be like, look like, act like, walk like, breathe like, sing like, cry like, talk like, smell like, dance like, sleep like, eat like, laugh like? Is it a he or a she? Am I gonna be a good mommy? “Is this real life?”.. Sama is a beautiful girl’s name right? It means sky in Arabic.. Any suggestions for special girls/boys names? Goodness Gracious!
…………….
Where would you wanna be right now? With who? Doing what? I think that it’d be a huge blessing if you can make it come true.. I can’t for now.. And for a while.. Is it okay if I breathe heavily for a long while, or will it make me sick?

~

By the way, I MADE IT! Before marriage, I had this wish.. It’s to make sure that whenever I do the laundry, I’d manage to miraculously bring together each pair of socks safely back to the drawer & to never split them apart & lose any, AND IT WORKED MY DEAR SISTAS :D I was close to losing one of a pair, but thankfully found it :D Don’t laugh at me, that’s hard work, ain’t it? ;) I love my washing machine, thanks for it knighty :D

~

Still know nothing about cooking, & secretly fear the trial.. Dunno why.. Maybe my fear of a disappointment beats the will to risk, dunno.. Thankfully still have my charm with dips ;) Any advice would be more than welcomed :)

~

What is it that people love about Egypt so much, I’d really like to know, it might make my life more peaceful.. The thing that is uniquely amazing here is how late the world goes around.. You can almost find all places open really late (late for me) & everyone up working their hearts out.. The bad part about that though is that it encourages staying up late instead of finishing up early and enjoying being home at night.. Over here, you can’t enjoy almost any outing during the day..

~

I miss mom’s hands so much, what do I do about that? I stare at my hands a lot to see if they’ll look someday any mommyish, but I see nothing of that! There’s this thing about mama’s hands that’s so mommy like, Gosh how I love ‘em.. Bless your hands & all of you mommy, I love you & pray to God I’d someday be close to how amazing you are, I LOVE YOU!

~

How can a city not have a video/DVD store? Huh? No place here to rent movies from! How fun! People here dunno the joy of that! Egyptians: You’re missing a lot!

~

I love December! It’s never dark where I come from; as it always begins with our national day, U.A.E.. Lights & fireworks everywhere aaaaaaaaall the way until new years.. Happy national day U.A.E.ians :D

~

Do you know that the Nile River is one of paradise’s rivers? How come! I wonder..

~

More info on Egyptians, do you know that they give newlyweds money? Does this go on in other countries as well? Dunno why it feels weird, despite the fact that logically it’s supposed to be helpful .. Dunno!

~

Imagine all the phones of the world die out today, can you continue living?

~

Enough talking :$
Peace out :)

LYKYS

" I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart).. I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling).. I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet).. I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true).. And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.. Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart......

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart) "
~
~ By E. E. Cummings ~

My Sunlight :)

(picture's source)

You Are My Sunlight :)

My fears you always fight..

May you live longer & longer in bliss,

& I'd get to your forehead & hands to kiss..

Miss your smell, your face, your hands, your clothes,

And everything you touch & that your hand folds..

Bless you Mommy today & everyday,

& wish I was there to wish you in person today :')

* y o u r s *

(picture's source)

Giving one's self wouldn't be,

anything but being free :)

With your deep black eyes I see,

& into your soul I flee :)

In my heart, I'd carry you,

& most lovingly, would give you me :)

~

~ By MISS sara on the 17th of August, 2009 at 6:14 PM ~

~

That was Miss Sara Hamdy’s written words that came from a dream.. It was a dream that she’s painted over a year ago after meeting her dashing prince under the beautiful skies along with her lovely parents’ prayers & hopes of a lovely new life for her.. She met him & started dreaming.. Dreaming of a new her that existed with him, and only him.. The man of her dreams.. Her knightiest knight.. Prince charming.. The first & last man who’s given her butterflies in her tummy.. The one & only who’s light shone so bright for her to see & feel.. So she dreamt.. And wrote a few words, along with a picture that spoke a thousand dreams.. A thousand wishes.. And they were saved.. In the drafts of her very inner self.. And after a few days, weeks, months & a long year that seemed like years, she met him again.. And this time for the eternal bond.. For the Holy unity Of souls, hearts, minds & bodies..

Dear Sisters & brothers,
Y-E-S—I—A-M—M-A-R-R-I-E-D, TO KNIGHTY, WHO TOOK HEARTY, AND WILL FOREVER BE LIGHTY :)
I’m in a different continent now, in a different country, a different city, where people speak a different language, and look different.. I’d like to take a moment and thank and show deeply sincere gratitude to tens and tens of people.. Thanking God is thanking them.. ALHAMDULILLAH :) I’ll go from the oldest to the youngest..

I’d like to start with Diggo though, my dearest grandpa.. Who has passed ON and is no longer physically between us, but he’s always here, with his words, actions, love & very deep warm heart.. Thank you Diggo for showing me what love can do.. I’m married now & truly wish you would have met him, you’d surely love him.. He reminds me of you Diggo.. Thank you Diggo.. For wanting to see me in that white dress.. I wore it.. And remembered you.. And hoped you’d be proud of me, are you? Love you so much :)

My Tetas, my lovely grandmothers.. Thanks for sticking with me & working so hard in your uniquely old smart ways in working things out whenever they got stuck ;) It worked my dear Grannies, IT DID :D Thank you very much :) :)

Uncle S. :) Thank you for praying for me all through it & always willing to help.. Taunt M. thanks for all the advice.. Love you :)

Daddy, Baba, Sahby, Mohammed Hamdy Ya Obaha, my teacher, my friend, the One who’s always got our backs, the princesses maker, the sweetest man & my forever strongest hero.. Baba.. Dad.. Dahry.. Baba, remember.. Remember.. Remember all your favors.. Remember all you’ve done for me? Of course you won’t remember, ‘cuz they’re way too much to count.. I can’t either, ‘cuz they started before my birth.. Baba, oh Baba.. The way you watch after my every step.. The way you run for me.. The way you carry me, with all my faults & flaws.. The way you forgive me.. The way you love me.. The way you grant me security.. The way you protect me.. The way you hunt my fears down.. The way you fight for me.. The way you struggle for me.. All your sleepless nights.. All your worry.. All your hard work.. All your plans.. All your dreams.. All your risks.. All your care.. Care for the tiny things before the big ones.. Baba, you’re the best dad ever.. My friends have always envied me for you, did I tell you that? They always wished their dads were like you.. Daddy, remember when you used to help me with my studies, I used to stare at your face a lot and not hear you out :$ As small as your eyes are, as self-explanatory and sharp.. Did I tell you how much I love your handwriting? In both Arabic & English! You’re so accurate and precise in everything you do, I truly wish when we have a kid, they’d be like you! Love your taps on my shoulder & my back.. Love your voice reciting Qur’an trying always to perfect the words & the sounds.. Thank you for trying so hard to grant me a peaceful life & protecting me from everything, including my crazy-very-self! Thank you dad for being my baba, and I’m always glad to be sarooret baba.. Baba, love you more than you know.. Thank you for holding my hand so tight & taking me to the other side.. Be well dad, & may you always stay strong as you always are, amen..
Baba habeeby Allah yekhaleeh,
Kattar riz’o wy yenageeh,
Gably aroosa wy akhoya hosan,
Shee ya hosan,
Orosy ya aroosa,
Orosy ya aroosa :’)

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ottet Elmeatateen Kullohom, My very inner sara, my mirror, my monitor, blood of my blood, self of myself, my bestest friend, my cushion, my coziest corner, my pencil, my words, my eyes, the collector of my dreams, the most beautiful voice, the softest heart, the deepest eyes, the smartest woman, the quickest rescuer, the safest guide, the brightest star, the funniest girl, the truest faith, TRUE EMAN, the most truthful tongue, the sincerest sister, the best daughter, the cutest wife, the best mom, the trust worthiest friend, the honorable Muslim woman, MOM! Mama, I don’t know how to thank you! After getting married mom, I started seeing more.. Seeing how great you are.. How do you do this? How do you do it all perfectly good like that! You are a PEACE of heaven mama.. You’re the warmest softest woman & the strongest ever! Your hands are magic & your eyes are an epic! Mom, I wish I can be you, but that’s impossible! How will I be a million things all at once like you, I can hardly find me! Know what Mom, living in the place you came from tells me a lot about you.. It’s pretty amazing how you flew all across the world & still belong here.. You’re so loyal mommy! Mom, I’m so proud of you, your journey & your achievements.. Wish you’re proud of me too.. Wish I’m close to what you wished for me to be.. To you I dedicate my whole life mama.. I’m all yours habebty.. All yours.. Wish I can carry you forever & wipe away all of your tears, fears & hard work of them long years.. Bless your transparent soul, pure heart, always giving mind, & chaste body.. Thank you for carrying me all through them years.. Thank you for giving me all the time.. I love, love, love you mama :)
Soosa soosa soosa,
Soosa kaf aroosa,
Soosa welly yesa’af,
Yestahil minnik boosa :’)

Kabooka, A. & Janjoony……… Thank you so much for all the love & support.. Thank you for the prayers & care.. Thank you for always being there, by actions, words & thoughts.. You define “henneya”, warmth & unconditional love.. Thank you for everything.. I love you three so much, & pray your fourth member would arrive very soon, safe & sound, amen :)

Khalo A., P., Amoona & Noony :) :) :) :) Just saying your names, a smile is drawn right away :D You four are the joy of this big family.. You are a great example of ease & simplicity.. I truly wish our new home would carry those meanings that you’ve proved to the world, are the secret of joy! Thank you for sticking with me through it all.. Thank you for being so close through the hardest times, especially with Mom.. Do you know that she used to truly smile whenever you guys were there? May you always shine with your happiness & smile in bliss all through the years, amen :)

Adwarica :’) Bro, I miss you! I can’t believe I made it when you weren’t there! I told everyone NO WAY without bro.. He has to stand there & hold my hand.. I should never say never bro.. I learnt it the hard way! Thank you for being “honestly” supportive through it ;) You were with me, deep in my heart, through every second.. Can you believe all this happened! Can you believe your sasa is married! Thanks for all the white dress hunts :) remember? Thanks for giving me the best times this winter.. Finally we ice-skated under the dark blue sky! Love it with you bro, like we always have! Sorry for cutting your finger earlier, you know I love you :$ Bro, THANK YOU for taking care of me, & my weak heart through it, love you Adwarica :)

Sis, Luly, Dolly, Lo’lo’atilkhaleeeeeeeeej :’) I miss you sweety.. I miss you Ukhty! Where do I begin Lulullll? Where? You took all my blues! You heard me through it all.. Through all the KHORROR ;) My cries, my laughs, my anger, my downfalls, my aaaaaall! Whether it’s early morning when you hated to talk, hear, or anything, or late night when you were so dead! You shared it all, from scratch all the way to the graduation day.. Dehket…. Hmmm… Dehket alby ;P Thank you for being (& giving me) the best pillow ever! Thank you for telling me I looked nice when I was a ghost! Thank you for the “heart of the ocean” Love you sis.. You’re like my arm, or an eye of both eyes (not both ;)).. Yo yo yo, no tears, yeah? I LOVE YOU & I’ll see you sooner than we both know, God be willing.. Until then, know that you are the best baby sis in the whole wide world :) LYKYS :D :D

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Puddingyyyyyyyyyyyy, my li’l maaaaaaaaaaan, the most handsom guy in the crowds, AND YOU KNOW IT ;) Abeteeta, your face is the best to look at! I swear it pudding, your words are always wise and always make sense.. Can you believe that you actually took care of me with your short very sweet words! Whoever is gonna be your wife is one lucky woman ;) Sorry for not being the best sis all the time.. I love you so much, you’re my bro, my son, & my best li’l guy ever :D Can’t wait for you to take me and cruise around so fast, faster than fast & furious.. Our superman :D You’re the best! I LOVE YOU HANDSOM ;) *abigkissnomatterhowmuchyouhateit:P*

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School, kids, my sweet H. sister! I gave you guys some hard time, eh? I pray for a quick ring flying to your finger dear H. & before you know it, a baby that’s as cute as you are, amen :) And all the single girls out there.. Thank you for being there my friend.. You’re the sweetest :) Ghubzy, the woman with the green peas, Hudees, Dearest Ara, F.Z., S.S., H.Umm elbanat, L.M.S., N.D., & aaaaaaaaall my ladies out there, THANKS A MILLION! Love y’all :D

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And Hubby oh Hubby……. Thank you for being you, for finding me, for loving me, for taking me as I am & working so hard to bring US to life & keep US safe.. Thank you for fighting against all the odds.. For climbing all the mountains.. For winning over the storms.. For never giving up on US.. You’re the best pilot ever.. Thanks for loving all my people & making us all grow and adding to our family a new family.. Thanks for taking care of me more than I am.. You are the best gift ever.. The best of my present, my past & my future.. May God bless you always & keep you safe from all harm, amen.. May I be to you as you want me to.. May our life together add to this world a new meaning.. May love be our only guide & peace be what we’re all about.. Thank you for everything knighty :’)

I LOVE YOU :) *THF*

And hey, BUT ONE SPEAK ;)

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With all my love,

Mrs. Sara Hamdy

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P.S. Dad, Mom & Khalo Khalo Khalo thank you.. For everything you’ve done for us all, for me, and especially for this past year.. I’m forever grateful.. Thank you for appreciating my words, & bringing this blog to life.. I love you :’)

w o r d s l i k e s w o r d s

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A broken promise.. A broken promise broke me to pieces.. A broken promise.. A broken word.. A word that only consisted of letters.. Letters that weigh absolutely nothing.. And to me they were everything.. I was clinging to words, can you believe that? Clinging to words that took me higher and then other words came and smashed me into the lowest rock.. I was clinging to words! Blindly trusting.. Blindly believing.. Blindly seeing the rainbows and the flowing river of purity.. Purity of heart and mind.. Purity of soul and body.. I was flying over on a cloud passing all of them ugly scenes.. Blocking my ears when it came to angry noises.. Blocking my eyes when it came to scary darkness.. Maybe it’s me.. Maybe I was selfish.. Maybe I painted picture perfect when there were no colors.. How can you paint with no colors! What am I but a dot in this world.. A dot that thought of changing the world.. Of growing some seeds.. Of drawing some smiles.. All I did was the opposite.. Never finished anything.. Never gave all I had.. Never made any difference.. I only smelled the flowers and never took care of any.. I only took.. I.. I.. I.. I am nothing and did nothing and God told me that I’m here to fix, and all I do is ruin.. I ruined me.. The me that God’s given me! Can’t even know me anymore.. I lost me and lost my sight.. It’s pitch black now.. I’m sorry God.. I’m sorry my dear lovely people.. Sorry for all of this.. Sorry for everything.. I love you all and I’m so deeply sorry.. I know sorry is a five lettered word, but words are all I got, and if the whole wide world gives up on words, I won’t! A word is always a word, even if it weighs nothing.. Let’s live on God’s Promise, and pray we deserve it, amen!

p r e t e n d ?

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~ s a f e t y ~

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Dreams, prayers, hopes, plans, pleads, wishes, fears, tears, cries, screams..... I'm down on my knees, asking You to please, please, please, guide me.. Teach me.. Help me.. Keep us safe.. Fill our selves with beauty.. Our hearts with love.. Our minds with peace.. Fill our roads with tranquility & our strings with hope.. Strengthen our walls & soften our walks.. Keep us safe.. Safe.. Please keep us safe......

~ a m a n a h ~

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Dad:
"Take care of her.."
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Cousin:
"She's amanah uncle.."
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The Cold Shoulder :(

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“I don’t want to hurt your feelings miss, but I love you less today..” F. said..

OUCH! That hurts! But before anything, it has to be me, right? It can’t be out of the blues.. Maybe I was too harsh, or or or.. It can’t just happen like that..

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At a lotta times, we see people giving us their cold shoulder for a reason or another, and it does hurt a little and sometimes much.. But right there and then, we need to think of what WE did, ‘cuz I’m sure we play a big part of that.. So I hope I can make it up to F. and make him love me at least as he used to, will I? Don't want to sing "don't love you know more" now :(

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Earlier this week, I asked them to write letters to their moms thanking them for a special thing that they’ve done for them.. And here’s what F. asked me: “Miss, when your mom puts you in her stomach, she carries you for nine months or nine weeks?” :D How do they perceive time! And N. said: "This is hard, everything mom does is very very special..".. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!

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And oh oh, I can’t go without this one, R., cute li’l miss R :D We played the scattered words game, and I asked each one to write their favorite English word down and color it.. I got a lotta “love”, “kindness”, "sport" “mom”, but R. aaaaaaaahhh, she wrote “bean”! haha! Why would a tiny bean make one’s favorite word!

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Kids <3

Seek The Everlasting Mercy :)

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"And I don’t want the world to see me,
‘Cuz I don’t think that they’d understand..
When everything is made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.."

~ Iris ~

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Belonging to God means a lot to me.. Knowing that from Him I come & to Him is my return makes me feel calm at the end of all of them rough days.. Knowing that He knows me well, and that I don’t have to explain me to Him, makes it much easier to carry on breathing.. At a lotta times, I see all the lights going down, and right at those very times, I try to focus and remember, that He’s the source of Light.. All light.. He’s Light.. Everlasting Light..
Ever
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Every day, I take new steps.. And with all the stumbles and falls, I hold on to some certainties, all my way long.. One reminds me that He’s totally Aware of it all.. Another is that His Mercy always surrounds me and is way beyond my grasp.. And those very beliefs make me see the flowers on the side of this busy road.. They make me smell the sweetness of the fresh bread before even getting to the bakery.. They make me hear the birds sing despite all of them noisy horns.. They set me free of all ties.. They’re just like a ribbon tied around my heart, keeping it from breaking.. Pulling me together in one piece.. One piece eventually.. Breathing in and out miraculously into a soul that has no place.. No color or face.. One that He only Sees and Knows, more than I myself do.. And I still wonder, is it a good piece, good enough for everything.. Good enough for walking here.. Good enough for this existence.. This crazy existence that roars and sleeps all at once.. I wonder.. You see....... Dunno.. What do you see? Do you see you? Yes you? Yourself? Do you see me? Do you see them? What do you see? I see beauty.. I do! In the midst of this smoke, I see beauty whenever I wanna see it.. Look around.. To what’s up.. Can you see that? Yes, it’s the sky.. The S K Y :) Reach out, 'cuz the world is bigger than you only if you don’t let it all in.. Take it in, inhale it, and you will become larger than life itself.. You are a living miracle.. So take your time, look and see, smell the flowers, and enjoy the life that you’ve been granted, ‘cuz you’ll live it only once :) God’s Beauty lies within our very selves, doesn’t it :)