Saturday, February 02, 2008

wHaT in THe WorLD DiD i Do?!

It’s pretty windy out here.. They say this weather is gloomy, but I say it’s completely inspiring.. The sky is as beautiful as always & endlessly soothing.. The clouds are floating so quickly, making it hard for me to shape them my way.. The sun is mastering the scene with its lovely warmth &
dancing rays.. The sea looks “light” from where I’m sitting.. Yeah, light.. As in almost colorless.. Maybe ‘cuz that’s how these days taste like? Colorless?! Yeah, “tastes” “colorless”.. That’s how I am.. I see, taste, hear & touch all at once.. Yes, you can call me crazy, ‘cuz I am.. At least that’s what my folks think anyway..

What’s so interesting about being crazy is how you always view things.. To people like myself, things are never the same.. Each moment has its uniqueness.. But the problem occurs when this uniqueness comes in with a negative tone.. It kills me from the inside & lingers on for a while.. I messaged this radio station once telling them that when something disturbs me, I stay disturbed for a while, even if this thing slowly walks away.. Getting over things inside of me is a very hard task.. Positive, negative, whatever they may be.. Being crazy means you are always at your peak.. You’re always hitting the highest points of things..

However, I’ve constantly wondered about how does “normal” generally feels like.. How does it transcend (or does it at all?)? Transcending is such a beautiful difficult sense.. Gravity has always been strong over here; causing any transcendence to be a serious issue.. I wonder how we can ever fight gravity!

Now I carry two things in my head.. In my-soon-to-explode head.. Firstly, how I’m viewed in this beautiful blogging world.. My dearest calls me “the flower of the desert”.. Someone else linked me as “the very sara” & I’ve felt it so very much.. And just today, I was found to be “a nice blog”.. I stopped & wondered.. nice blog.. hmmmm.. this is me.. so im nice? Or my writing is? Or is it all together.. I never really want to be answered.. Just love exploring the different views & words that express them :) Secondly, how grateful I am to baba & mama.. what they’re doing is way too much.. I mean, WAY.. TOO.. MUCH.. I can’t help but think, I don’t deserve all this.. I really don’t.. Thank you.. I love you.. And I’m always yours.. forever :)

Oh & before I go, that radio guy never answered my question.. All I heard was bla bla bla & I messaged back saying it was a bla bla bla & you didn’t REALLY get me.. He never gave a damn..

Nobody does!

Let me rephrase it..

Nobody REALLY does!
“Crazy, crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wondering, what in the world did I do?”
~ Norah Jones lyrics ~


Gold said...

nobody gives a damn?

another way to phrase it is someone is not giving a damn.. well that's what my humble experience says anyway *shrugs*

uniqueness in a negative tone.. like a drop of ink in a lake of clear water.. inspirations coming out of a dark lake are naturally tending towards the un-dark.. the light, the soothing, the caring, and the comfortably satisfactory

what if this thing abruptly walks away as if it has never existed? abruptly as in "now you see it, now you don't".. because someone mad it disappear under Allah's will ofcourse.. will the internal disturbance remain?

The peak is extreme, the peak normally takes a while to be reached, but you know what? being at extreme positive and then again extreme negative are called the "Bipolar PD", which is something i don't think you have so that's a little bit of an exaggeration of a moment where the lake is suddenly dark because some sorry soul caused a drop of ink to darken the pure crystal-clear lake..


yeah, maybe..

I'd love to call this place "The peaceful lounge of comfort"

and if someone interviews me on TV and tells me to give more explanation i'd say: its where time stops and everything is clearly visible, able to be analyzed to reach a resolution that can keep the blood pumping in the veins of life.. my life *shrugs again*

That's the way I expect and find this place to be..

With all do respect ma'am :D
*touches the tip of his hat with the thumb and the forefinger, while the other hand resting loosely over his belt*

Cheers :D

sara said...

I've secretly always wondered if I'm bipolar..

Disturbance is so tyring at times & gets outa hands :(

Thank you for your compliments..

With respect,

sara said...

*while still feeling that no one gives a damn, she remembers someone's words on how, if she thinks she can care so much, there must be another who cares at least as much as she does*

Gold said...

You can read the Celestine prophecy book..

I think you're gonna love it

sara said...

inshaAllah i'll try..