That’s what they do when they’re fake, when they delude, when they’re embarrassed, when they’re just not being themselves.. And I don’t really like being around people when they’re like that.. It adds a burden to my chest.. Breathing even gets more difficult.. Around them, I get completely irritated & I become incapable of genuinely smiling..
Well, I do clear my throat, but that’s when it needs to be cleared.. When I don’t feel like myself, I show it.. And I never try covering it.. And I think that’s a good thing.. Please don’t think that I’m a stuck up.. It’s just that, that’s the way I’d like them to be as well.. You’re not comfortable? The place/people are not bringing your self out to its natural shape? Then leave! Change! Move! Just do anything other than suppressing those feelings to the limit that brings them out to your throat!
I’ve been somewhere where I have been suppressing some uncomfortable feelings & sadly can’t do nothing about it, for now.. But inshaAllah it’s a momentary state.. And soon I’ll spread my wings & prepare to fly..
Here are two incidents I’d like to share with you today:
A phone conversation between daddy & I:
Baba: “saroor, guess what?”
Baba: “sheikh -------- (very famous certified Muslim scholar bla bla bla) just said on T.V. that: if you’re an Arab & you use another language (other than Arabic) in your daily conversations (with Arabs), without the need to do so (i.e. without the need for using that other language), YOU’RE A HYPOCRITE!”
And after days of having this conversation, I read this lovely comment written by stinger on something that amal wrote, that almost said it all:
hello sister amal (1) alhamdulillah you are very intelligent.(2) all the things you say are haq-ul-ain. (3) you will be granted jannah in return inshallah (4)
(1) I am religious, so i should greet you in a way im uncomfortable with
(2) I am religious so I should praise a fellow muslim
(3) I am religious so i should use arabic terms wherever i can
(4) since you agree to my views, you will go in heaven
Him (mr. very loud, very rich, very educated & very humble man): “I’m so sorry if I’m being a loud neighbor, please forgive my noisiness.. I’m just trying to get my job done as quickly as possible”
Me (in complete disbelief of this stunning behavior): “no problem whatsoever, please feel free to finish what you’ve started.. I’m sara & it’s nice to meet you :) ”