M A G I C

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Two Point Five: is his majic number,

He played its game to make me wonder..

His smart tricks always work for me,

And to another world they make me flee..

Just like this Saturday, but 13 ones ago,

He melted my heart without letting me know..

And it went so quick & fast,
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As if I fell in a field of quicksand..

His Batta <3

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She always smells so good,

Much more yummier than her food..

Her hands always glow,

With that book she constantly holds..

Her words are loud and clear,

And her silence is all sincere..

Her eyes are deeply wise,

Reflecting the love of her Qais..

She misses him but doesn't tear,

'Cuz she knows that day is near..

Where she'll fly & hold him close,

'Cuz by God he has been chose..

*lovely thought*

I m p e n e t r a b l e

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The following is one of my favorite scenes of all time, taken off one of my favorite movies: "Crash".. If you wanna watch this scene, please click here :)

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It takes place between a father & his daughter.. It starts with the father:

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"How's it goin'?

Okay.

You didn't get scared or something, did you? There's no monsters in the closet, right? 'Cause I hate monsters.

There's no such thing as monsters.

Ah, that's a good thing.

I heard a bang.

Like a truck bang?

Like a gun.

That's funny, 'cause we moved outta that bad neighborhood. And there's not too many guns around here.

How far can bullets go?

They go pretty far. But they usually get stuck in something and stop.

What if they don't?

You thinking about that bullet that came through your window? You think we should move again?

I like it here.

Me too. But if that bullet found out where we lived...Oh, hold on.

What?

So stupid! How can I forget this?

What?

Nah. Forget it. You ain't gonna believe me.

Tell me.

Okay. When I was five, this fairy came into my room one night.

Right.

See, I told you you weren't gonna believe me. Okay, go to sleep now, you little rat.

No, tell me.

Okay. So this fairy comes into my room and I'm like,"Yeah, right, you're a fairy." Anyway, we're talking, you know. And she's flying all around the room, knocking down all my posters and stuff.

She was flying?

She had these little stubby wings. She could've glued 'em on, you know? Like I'm gonna believe she's a fairy. So she said, "I'll prove it." So she reaches into her backpack. And she pulls out this invisible cloak. She ties it around my neck, and she tells me that it's impenetrable. You know what impenetrable means? It means that nothing can go through it. No bullets. Nothing. She told me that if I wore it, nothing would hurt me. So I did. And my whole life, I never got shot, stabbed. Nothing. I mean, how weird is that? Only she told me that I was supposed to give it to my daughter on her fifth birthday. And I forgot.

Can I touch it?

Sure, go ahead.

I don't feel it.

Yeah. It's pretty cool, huh? I can take it off and tie it around your shoulders. She told me how to do it. Unless you think it's stupid.

Don't you need it?

No, not anymore. So what do you think? You want it? Okay, let's get outta here.

Okay.

Put your head up.

Okay.

Is that too tight? Do you feel anything at all? Good. Then it's just right.

Do I take it off when I have a bath?

No, you leave it on all the time. Until you have a daughter when she turns five, then you give it to her. Okay?

Okay.

Okay. Good night, sweetie.

Good night."

I only wanted to....

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When will I stop making mistakes? When will I learn it all? When will I know when/how to do ONLY the right things? I guess never..

I believe before my graduation day, I'd never get that A*.. Maybe after I graduate, and somewhere up there, I'd be perfectly clear on how to be always right.. But until then.... But until then, I have to accept the fact of not ever reaching that A*..

I'd like to thank all of those whom have loved me with my mistakes & accepted me as I am.. I promise I'd always do the best I can & love you all the best I can.. And sorry if my love for any of you comes out the wrong way or takes us the wrong direction, that would surely not be my intent.. Definitely not..

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Sorry for ruining it all,

You know I didn't ever mean to..

I'd never ever want to see you fall,

Nor ever ever ever dare to..

I borrowed your love for blue to paint,

Your world with love that doesn't faint..

Not to ever make YOU blue,

Or hurt you all the way through..

Sorry now, yesterday & tomorrow,

And I wish I can never cause any sorrow..

Salt Of Life..

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I've always loved refilling our sugar jar, salt shaker or anything else that needed refilling.. It makes me feel content for some reason!

However, I almost never needed the salt shaker while having a meal.. It's always there, I see it & hand it a lot to others, but never really need it! Dunno if this is bad, but it's just me.. I can never tell whether the salt is too li'l or normal.. I can only tell when it's too much..

And this is how it is with many things in my life.. I don't really ask for more, as I never do want more.. The only thing I always like to add, is the chili flavor or the saucy dressing! Not salt, no, not to taste things more, no, but just make it spicier.. Is that a crime? :$

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I wish us all acceptance in these blessed nights & pray for always having new beginnings for better selves.. May we always get refills that freshen our spirits & bring our hearts to life.. Amen :)

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"That pill that they call pride.."

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"I've been travelin' on this road too long

Just trying to find my way back home

But the old me is dead and gone

Dead and gone

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I turn my head to the east I don't see nobody by my side

I turn my head to the west still nobody in sight

So I turn my head to the north swallow that pill that they call pride

That old me's dead and gone but the new me will be alright"

~ T.I. & J.T. ~

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For those of you who've never heard this song, it discusses some real tragedies of life generated from need & so forth.. Anyways, whenever I used to hear it, I always felt like telling T.I. & J.T.: You guys, when you turn your head to the north & feel like swallowing your pride, kneel down! Prostrate, it's what you're looking for, but just can't find :( I pray with all my heart, for me, you & everyone else, to feel the blessing of our weaknesses to our Creator & let go of our bad pride to let space for our good one, amen! S U B M I T :)

U K H T Y <3

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Remember that time I forced you to "fly" with me from our old white dining table's tip & broke your arm? I can't forgive myself until now!

Heart of my heart, soul of my soul, blood of my blood.. What can I say.. Firstly, know why I chose this pic? 'cuz it's so you :D You loved twirling ever since you knew how to walk :) Do you know that I still can't see you older than 9? I swear! Like I still see you as you were 10 years ago! That's how you're saved in my memory! Whenever your name comes up, it's that old you, the real old you, not what everyone sees now!

I still remember the very day you came to life.. I remember clearly all the details.. I remember your face, your hair, your smell.. I remember how I carried you & how scared mom was.. I remember that feeling that grew with your blooming everyday.. You were like my newest most real doll.. You were/are a real doll sis :) I loved playing with your hair, and making all weird hairdos that you never liked ;) I remember how I always watched your every step (even when barefoot ;) ) and never wanted to see you stumble.. I remember all the days I made you cry from my harsh overprotection that I had for you.. Do you forgive me? I hope you do..

Oh Dolly, if you know how much I love you.. You are the oldest song of my heart.. You're the music to my soul.. I swear it, without you, my smile would fade & my eyes would shade! May God protect you & save you from all harm, & may your laughter & giggle ring in this world & always make it a happier one, just as always :)

I wish you all the baraka you need & a safe journey in your colorful new world, amen <3

LYKYD <3

I m i s s . . . . . .

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I miss finding your flower on my pillow..

I miss your promises of a better tomorrow..

I miss hearing your keys' noises by the door..

I miss your foot steps on our floors..

I miss knowing that every time I fall, you'll be there..

I miss your love, passion & care..

I miss hearing your loud talks on the phone..

I miss hearing your prayers at every dawn..

I miss seeing you so into what you're reading..

I miss your ways with the li'l kids while feeding..

I miss hugging you until you got bored..

I miss all your talks about how we should fear our Lord..

I miss all your stories of the past & how it's went so fast..

I miss your reminders of our supplications & safety preparations..

I miss your firm words & all your strong holds..

I miss, oh how I miss you on your prayer mat..

I miss you so much that it hurts so bad..

C u b e - C u b o i d

What are a few lines scribbled in a few seconds? What are a few words said in a spur of a moment? What are a few moves made from the heart? What are a few moments spent in laughter? What are a few tears running down for love? What are a few tries in imitating a beautiful voice? What are a few limits for getting a better picture?

If they mean nothing to you, they are EVERYTHING to me!

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Thank you for being you <3

c h e r i s h

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C h e r r i e s . . C h e r i s h . . C h e e r f u l . .

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How I love those lovely round cherries! I've always had good memories with this yummy reddish juicy fruit.. One of the most beautiful things about this sweet fruit, is that it has a smooth/hard seed inside of it.. Smooth & hard, have you noticed that? I wish I can learn how to be smoothly hard from the inside.. It doesn't, by any means, mean that I'll have a rough/hard exterior, on the contrary, if you noticed, a cherry's flesh is always tender! Only 'cuz of it's seed, it's beautifully held together..

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Cherishing what we have can always save us from the evil of looking for what we don't have.. I wish we can be able of only cherishing & not whining.. I wish..

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If we do that, we'll always be cheerful & spread good spirits to all that surrounds us :) Everything will be rotated around joy; & we'll find great pleasure all through good/bad times :)

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I wish.. I wish dad could just come through the door now carrying a box full of cherries like he always used to with that charming kind smile of his...... Missing you daddy <3

~ Hanging On By A Thread ~

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What can I say.. It's what all of us get to at certain points in our lives.. Hanging on by a thread, and not knowing what the next moment has in store for us.. Now, not knowing is veeeeeeeery common, 'cuz it's a fact of our lives here, The Unseen.. And that thread, differs from one person to another from the outside.. But you know what I've found out? It's all relatively THE VERY SAME from the inside! It's a thread that connects you to The One Who Has your soul in His Hands.. Whatever name you give that thread, trust me, IT'S THE SAME!

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"Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking

Completely incomplete

I'll take your invitation

You take all of me

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose

There's nothing else to find

There's nothing in the world

That can change my mind

There is nothing else

There is nothing else

There is nothing else"

~ By Lifehouse ~

Al Khaliq :)

Silent Sunlight :)

L i g h t U p

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Loving one another for no earthly cause is a very rare commodity nowadays :( When that is found, you just wanna hold on to it & never let go.. However, it's hard at most times..

I've been learning new things recently from some real nice people & whenever that happens, I try to jot everything down in my heart so that I don't lose it.. I've never been much of a concentrating student as much as I've been counting on the heartfelt knowledge..

Anyways, the most amazing knowledge that successfully passes unto others always happens when: 1. The student really wants to leeeeeeearn! 2. The teacher really wants to teeeeeeeach! When these two items take place, miracles come to life!

I wanna take this opportunity to thank every single person I met whom have added something beautiful that made me the person I am today :) Whether alive or dead, may Allah grant them eternal peace & everlasting light that saves them from the darkness here & in the after-life; just as they've saved me from this world's darkness & the one after it inshaAllah, Ameeeeen:)

Before I go, there's this new related Baba Ali video that reminds us not to forget important things in the process of passing on one's knowledge, here :)

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THANK YOU :)

~ b i r d i e s ~

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We always feel good when giving.. It's an inborn instinctive gift that God Has granted us to be able to enjoy it while doing it (another gift from amongst the many others:) ).. Some lose this gift by not knowing-how/wanting to use it.. Gracefully, I come from a family that truly knows how to use this gift, & hopefully, I'd die someday while using it as beautifully as they do.. Hopefully..

I talked earlier about mama's feeding-birds-balcony-corner.. And I swear, when their (birds') water or food runs out, they CALL OUT FOR HER!!!!

Granny is here now :) & as you know, it's very hot out here in the gulf at summer time.. The salty waters give us a lotta hard time breathing, but I love it, 'cuz it's a part of being home.. Anyways, I saw granny doing one of the most beautiful things minutes ago! She asked me to go get her the water bowl that the birds drink from.. I went out, checked it & told her, "No granny, it's still half full, we don't need to re-fill it now.." She said, "Just get it..".. I got it & to my surprise, I found her getting an ice cube & adding it to the water to cool it down for the birdies!!!!!!!!!!!

Seeing all this beauty around me shocks me when seeing others stepping on the weaker-others in the real scary world out there.. Hunger, ignorance, illness, injustice & what not.. I wish people would get in touch with their inner-selves & try a li'l harder to feel others & not only themselves.. I wish I/you would never forget teta's soft birdie gesture & practice it on our brothers & sisters in humanity, amen :)

I LOVE RAMADAN :)

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I wanted to share all those crazy ramadanic/masjid moments that make you wanna fly through the masjid's large window to a much better atmosphere.. I wanted to talk about all those kids' cries, women's whispers/fights, unbelievable ignorance & extreme love of Allah that a lotta us have in common.. I wanted to talk about the different languages/accents you hear, smells you have to digest & looks you have to get.. And I so wanted to talk about the not-so-sweet advices that every single soul out there wanna give!

However, I can never do that, since my dear sister Organica did so in the most beautiful way, as always.. Please do enjoy her thoughts on Taraweeh Prayers here :D

And I can't leave you without my favourite ramadanic video ever: Baba Ali's :D Enjoy!

R a m a d a n 1 4 3 0 :)

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"That's the way that the world goes 'round.

You're up one day and the next you're down.

It's half an inch of water and you think you're gonna drown.

That's the way that the world goes 'round."

~ By John Prine ~

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So, the days pass, and we walk by.. Rarely do we pause & look inside.. However, there are special times that are granted to each & every one of us, where purity of thought reaches its peak & purity of intention & deed follows.. And one of those very personally special times is R A M A D A N :) It's not just the fasting that tastes different in Ramadan (than other days), it's everything.. The whole masjids' shaking rhythms, the footsteps dying for forgiveness, the cries longing for acceptance & the never ending pleads for a better life..

1430, came to me, with a beautiful gift & found me with a sad loss.. I hope I can take all I can from it & my prayers would be more than memorized words that are said heartlessly.. Hope I'll feel every move I make & every breath I take on His Holy Way.. Hope I learn more about His Timeless Love & reflect all of The Light that brightens my days & nights.. Hope those blessed nights would bring out the best of me, to me & to the universe.. Amen :)

You know, everyday is a brand new one, coming with a new face, new dream, new wish & a new need.. Happy ones are those who wake up & wipe the sleep from their eyes while knowing what to want & how to get it from this new day, while keeping that warm lovely smile to help them go through it all :)

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May all our days be blessed,

& all our hearts get rest..

For those nights go fast,

& their days end with fast..

Thirty days, thirty fast breakers,

So don't forget to ask your Creator..

To bless our hearts with true eternal love,

For it takes more than a heavy stomach stuff..

~ z a m a a n ~

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I was reading Surat Al-Anfal (The Spoils Of War), Chapter 8 in The Qur'an today.. And I read this verse as if I've never read or heard it before.. Here:

"He has reconciled the hearts (of the believers). Had you spent all the money on earth, you could not reconcile their hearts. But GOD did reconcile them. He is Almighty, Most Wise." ~ 8:63

How amazingly true! No matter how hard you try to like/dislike someone, it'll never work.. What works is controlling your actions, but not you heart! One of the secrets of the heart is that it's sooooo much like it's beats.. Up & down according to its own wish, not yours..

However, I wonder where the love of one's kins comes from.. Like your sister/grandpa/uncle & so forth.. It comes in with your birth like, a package.. What kills me is how some people try to fight gravity & kill those birth given packages that come for free! They're long lasting & so supportive to one's heart all throughout the years..

Please, please, please oh brother & sister, don't fight gravity, it will only 'cuz you pain more than any joy! Trust me!

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A CONFESSION: I think I'm missing that old little girl in me! I feel like turning into a more mature being enduring all new feelings and plans that will subsequently turn me into a different sara.. I hope this new me will be a lighter one with bigger wings that can take me higher & higher, "to a place where blind men see..".. Amen! I remember when I was younger, my brother & I used to play this "flying" game that did actually give us that feeling that we were longing for, even though it was just in our rooms! We used to stand on our beds, cloak ourselves with our blankets, & together, in the same moment, we'd jump from one bed to another (with our eyes closed at times) :) Right there & then, nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, in the world mattered as much as that moment did!

"Would you tell me a story, please?"

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FROM THE MOVIE: SEVEN POUNDS:

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Ben: Hello?

Emily: Ben? Hi, I'm sorry to call so late.

Ben: Did...? Did someone from the IRS contact you?

Emily: No. I just... I was having trouble breathing after I took Duke for a walk, and I fainted. An ambulance had to take me to the hospital. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I even called you. I'm sorry. It's just that I have your card with me, and... Ben? Are you still there?

Ben: Yes.

Emily: Do you ever think about dying, Ben?

Ben: Every now and again.

Emily: My face is bluish. It's not exactly a good sign.

Ben: You should try to rest. Just... Why don't you see if you can get some sleep?

Emily: I like talking to you.

Ben: I like talking to you too.

Emily: Would you tell me a story, please?

Ben: Okay. All right. Once upon a time...... there was a little boy named...

Emily: Oh, lucky me, you just got it on reserve like that. Okay. Let me guess. His name was Ben.

Ben: No, actually, this little boy's name is Tim.

Emily: I like the name Tim. Go on.

Ben: Tim's little brother was always pestering Tim......to make him paper airplanes, because he was really good at it. But Tim had much bigger dreams than that.

Emily: Okay. Then what happened?

Ben: One day, Tim went out to the backyard......and he put leaves and taped branches to his arms......and started climbing the big oak tree. His little brother said, "Tim, you can't fly." And he said, "Yeah? You just watch." He got all the way to the top and jumped.

Emily: How tall was this tree?

Ben: It was... It was pretty tall. He broke his arm.

Emily: Oh, my God... This is a horrible story.

Ben: Oh, no, no. It gets better. From that experience, Tim realized that he wanted to fly. So he dedicated his life to making spaceships.

Emily: I thought you said this was a good story.

Ben: Oh, well... Yeah, that is......until the dragons showed up.

Emily: Oh, okay, see, now it's getting better. I like dragons. Especially dragons in space.

Ben: Yes, and these were fire-breathing space dragons...... with really bad attitudes.

Emily: I see.

Ben: I have an idea. Why don't you try to fall asleep...... and when you do, I'll just hang up.

Emily: Okay. Ben?

Ben: Yes.

Emily: Thank you for listening. And for talking.

Ben: Try to fall asleep.

Emily: Good night, Ben.

Ben: Good night, Emily. Emily? Emily?